AOL has been doing a Battle of the Bands all summer long. It's 3 categories: Pop, Indie, and Classic Rock. They're up to round 6, which in the Classic Rock category has Def Leppard vs. Paul McCartney. So far, the boys of Def Lep are kicking ass! Vote to make sure that this keeps up.

The Playlist from this Sunday's New York Times Arts & Leisure section featured Mark Romanek giving his favorite current music videos. After some investigative work, I've discovered that the two best ones are "Romantic Death" by The Sun and Aphex Twin's "Rubber Johnny."
But feel free to disagree.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words
This is a cool article where sketch artists had to draw celebrities based on descriptions of them in the press. Although I doubt there are many crimes being solved with their help.

Nice photo of the Jets' new punter in the New York Post.
Oh, and the guy grabbing his nuts looks pretty happy too.

TRL Moment of the Week
We held a contest to give away a trip to Sunday's VMA's including flight, hotel, and 2 tickets to the event. It started as a karaoke contest on Monday, and then the 2 finalists came back on Tuesday to answer trivia questions about VMA-nominated videos. As the two girls tied (getting a mere 2 out of 5 correct), we went to the tie-breaker questions: How many miles is it from our Times Square studio to the American Airlines Arena in Miami?
The correct answer: 1,298 miles
Girl #1's response: 2,168 miles
Girl #2's response: 20,000 miles
Yes, 20,000 miles. Which would be close to correct if, instead of traveling south, we measured the distance heading north and going all the way around the earth.
Congrats to the winner, girl #1.

For all you hardcore 40-Year-Old Virgin fans, the website has some deleted scenes from the movie (most of which were rightfully cut out, but some of which are entertaining) in the Andy's Life section.

And has anyone else noticed the missing hyphen between 40 and Year? (or am I the only nerd who has?) Some posters have it right, some have it wrong... the website has it wrong... the soundtrack has it wrong... I can't remember if it's right in the credits of the movie or not... anyone know? Anyone care?

Kanye West's new album is streaming online here.

Also, I just heard that there's an E! True Hollywood Story on Blossom! I'm setting my DVR as soon as I get home.

I have a new dessert obsession to replace Ben & Jerry's cookie-dough-balls-covered-in-frozen-hot-fudge (that only seem to be available at the location on 9th & 3rd): deep fried Oreos. You can get them at Righteous Urban BBQ (a.k.a. R.U.B.). After a gut-busting meal on Sunday of pulled pork, pastrami, and pork ribs (plus french fries seasoned with brown sugar), I couldn't resist ordering a basket of them for dessert. They come 4 in an order, looking like a golfball-sized funnel cake covered in powdered sugar. Bite into one and you'll taste a giant glob of warm Oreo filling. Soon your heart starts to beat really hard against your chest from the cholesterol pumping through your veins. Then you have to take another bite. And another. Until it's all gone and you're momentarily sad but also scared because your heart is still beating very hard. Eventually your heart slows back to normal and you fall into a gentle food coma, and all is well in the world once again.
It's been 72 hours since I ate them and I still can't stop thinking about them. Help me!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting CtBL's new pride and joy, baby F. And yes, she is adorable, even with her face all scrunched up and her prune hands. She has beautiful blue eyes which open really wide to take in the world, she sticks out her tongue in response to my doing the same thing (although I can't imagine it's intentional), she's ticklish on the bottoms of her feet and under her arms, and she feels lighter than a Cabbage Patch Doll. I'm glad that mom and dad are both doing so well and enjoying their new addition… I can't wait to watch her grow up.

If you're wondering what 2 of your favorite 80's stars have been up to, wonder no more:
- Growing Pains star (and I use that term loosely) Jeremy Miller has found superstardom in China.
- Action star Steven Seagal, after traveling the world looking for herbal remedies to revive his career, has created a "new generation of Gourmet Energy Drink" called Lightning Bolt. He has also released a pop CD.

Newest Entry in the TRL Graveyard
I'm not sure if this attempt at a cold open was just so lame that my producer never responded, or if he simply overlooked it... either way, it's not happening.

(VANESSA IS IN THE GREEN ROOM AND DAMIEN WALKS IN)

DAMIEN
-HEY VANESSA, WHAT'RE YOU UP TO?

VANESSA
-JUST ABOUT TO LISTEN TO THE NEW 50 CENT ALBUM

(SHE HANDS HIM A CD)

DAMIEN
-"FROM PIECES TO WEIGHT" AUDIO BOOK
-COOL, IT'S GOT ALL MY FAVORITES ON HERE
-CHAPTER 1, CHAPTER 7
-EVEN THE CHAPTER 4 REMIX!

VANESSA
-PEOPLE HAVE BEEN GOING CRAZY FOR IT AT THE CLUBS

(SHE HITS PLAY ON THE STEREO AND AWKWARDLY TRIES TO DANCE TO SOMEONE READING A PASSAGE FROM THE BOOK)

DAMIEN
-I'M GONNA GO BUY A COPY RIGHT NOW!

(HE EXITS THE ROOM AS VANESSA CONTINUES TO DANCE)

VANESSA
-TRL STARTS NOW!

TRL Moment of the Week
During videos we often show random facts about that artist: tour plans, childhood nicknames, inspirations for songs, etc. But this fact about My Chemical Romance, which ran on Tuesday, is my all-time favorite:
"What is MCR's favorite rock & roll era? Glam!"
(According to this questionable website, that means MCR reveres such artists as Elton John, ABBA, The Bay City Rollers, ELO, and Poison. Somehow that seems highly unlikely to me.)

This article, which compares every MLB team to a character from The Simpsons, is brilliant. With one exception: I would hardly call the Red Sox "beloved by all."
(Thanks to my friend over at Sticking Point for e-mailing it to me)

Mashing up "Pet Sounds" with Kanye West is an interesting experiment, but I wouldn't call it entirely successful.

Today I am officially closer to 30 than 20... and I don't like it one bit.

In honor of National Tell-a-Joke Day, I've decided to share the most offensive joke I've ever heard... at least as much of it as I'm comfortable posting. Here goes:
What do you say to the _____ _____?
_____ to the _____ of the _____!
(To hear that joke in its entirety, you'll have to ask me in person)
(And I do not condone the message of the joke, but I do think it's funny)

Speaking of jokes, the Comedy Central Roast of Pam Anderson had me laughing harder than I have in a very long time. Amazing sets from Greg Giraldo, Lisa Lampanelli, and Nick DiPaolo, plus good moments from Jimmy Kimmel, Adam Carolla, and Andy Dick. My favorite line of the night was "Courtney Love's career dried up faster than Sarah Silverman's ___ when she meets a guy who can't help her in the industry." Even Tommy Lee performing a song from his upcoming solo album couldn't tarnish an amazing hour-and-45-minutes of programming.
One sad note, which I just discussed with Mr. Sticking Point, was the participation of Courtney Love. On drugs, off drugs, whatever she was, she was a mess. Interrupting comics, spreading her legs, stumbling down the stairs, it was a non-stop train wreck. I couldn't stop thinking how awful it must feel for her daughter to watch her mom make such an ass out of herself. And despite Courtney's repeated claims of being clean and sober for a year, is anyone surprised that a story broke last week that she failed a drug test? As terrible a situation as this would be, there is no doubt in my mind that her daughter is better off in the care of another guardian.

This parody of A-ha's "Take On Me" video has definitely been one of the highlights of the annoyingly-inconsistent new season of Family Guy. Enjoy!

TRL Moment of the Week
Tough call between two awkward VJ interactions with fans. Here are the nominees:

1) Quddus, outside on the hot and humid streets of Times Square yesterday, pointing out to a female fan he's interviewing (and to viewers around the country) that she's "sweating through her shirt."
2) Damien, trying to add spice to a boring fan whose opinion he had solicited on the new Backstreet Boys video, telling her that she "smells like custard."

I'm gonna have to call this one a tie.

Golden Girls Greatest Hits
What an amazing album this would be... if only it were real.
They should name the follow-up "Crabby Road" (ba dum dum)

I never imagined that I would ever write the following statement, but the Backstreet Boys have made a genius video. The song is called "Just Want You To Know," and it's just as bad as the usual BSB crap. But for the video, they parodied Heavy Metal Parking Lot and basically the entire 80s hair-metal scene, and they nailed it. It's brilliant. Seriously. I'm not being sarcastic. You can check it out here.

One of my friends from high school recently posted some adorable high school photos of Mary Carey, from back when she was known simply as Mary Ellen Cook. This one is my favorite. Quite a different image, huh? Although I guess she was able to put this skill to use in her current career after all.

Worst... baby gift... EVER!!!

Jack Handey has returned with an essay in the new issue of New Yorker. It's not as funny as the majority of his Deep Thoughts, but still an entertaining read.
And while we're on the subject, I'm big on daily calendars, and the best one I ever had was a Deep Thoughts one. That was back in like 1996, and I haven't been able to find one since. Can anyone help me out? Even if it has the same entries as the '96 edition, I'd still be grateful.

TRL Moment of the Week
On Tuesday, VJSusie spent part of the show on the streets of Times Square while Damien held things down inside the studio. When she came upstairs, there was a toss from Damien in one part of the studio to VJSusie in another. I scripted the toss so that Damien would ask "Feels good to be back in the air-conditioning, doesn't it?" and VJSusie would reply "Sure does" before going about her business.
A few seconds before air, I pointed it out to VJSusie and told her that she should only say "Sure does" if it actually answers his question, but to pay attention in case he phrases it differently. I'm sure you can guess how things played out...
Damien: "Now let's toss things over to (VJ)Susie, who's back upstairs. How's it feel to be in the air-conditioning?"
VJSusie: "Sure does, D. It's time for..."

High and Lo
For all you fans of the first season of Laguna Beach (and 'Lo' in particular), check out what she's been up to since heading to college...

Has anyone else noticed how similar R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" is to the Randy Newman parody from Family Guy? Check out these sample lyrics:

Family Guy
Red headed lady, reaching for an apple.
Gonna take a bite, nope, nope.
She gonna breathe on it first, wipe it on her blouse.
She takes a bite.
Chews it once, twice, three times, four times, stops!
Saliva workin', takes a hard long look at Randy...five times.
Fat old husband walking over.
Yeah, they're walking down the road
Left foot, right foot
Left foot, right foot
Left foot...

R. Kelly
He walks in the bathroom
And looks behind the door
She says, "Baby, come back to bed"
He says, "Bitch, say no more"
He pulls back the shower curtain
While she's biting her nails
Then he walks back to the room
Right now, I'm sweating like hell
Checks under the bed
Then under the dresser
He looks at the closet
I pull out my Baretta
He walks up to the closet
He comes up to the closet
Now he's at the closet
Now he's opening the closet...

You can listen to the Family Guy song here (takes a while to load)... I won't torture you with a link to the R. Kelly song.

This British promo for Lost is amazing. It takes a long time to load, but it's worth it.

I don't know what this website is for, and I don't know what any of the Japanese characters say, but if you scroll down to the last photo, you'll see that I'm apparently internationally renowned (although not enough so to warrant my name in the caption).
Note: I also don't like that I always look like a hunchback when I hold cue cards because I have to stoop to get the cards level with the camera...

My co-worker's wife is days, or hours, or minutes away from popping out their first baby. So he's had the book What NOT to Name Your Baby lying on his desk lately. Here's the entry for yours truly:
Brian (BREYE-on) Mistaken Messiah. Around 1 BC Brian was accidentally vilified by Roman soldiers looking for a different Jew. On the positive side, your child may always look on the bright side.

Nice photo in yesterday's New York Times of Athabasca Glacier in the Canadian Rockies. Look familiar? Sure it does, because I posted a much better photo of it last week...

Things I Learned Hanging Out with Mary Carey This Weekend:
- She has fake… teeth (which she just got and which she complained look too much like her real teeth).
- In high school she won the Founder's Coucil Award for Best Dancer, which is typically based on ballet. Although if it had been based on pole-dancing, she probably would have won anyway.
- Hair that is peroxide blonde looks green under strip club blacklights.
- She has been propositioned for sex by the unnamed sleazy husband of an unnamed pop star and an unnamed rap mogul.
- Fans who pay to have their picture taken with porn stars at strip clubs are creepy. Especially ones who carry around photo albums containing every picture (which number in the dozens) ever taken with said porn star.
- When strippers do push-ups during a pole-dance routine, it is not sexy.
- I get very uncomfortable seeing men stick money between the breasts of my friends from high school.