The caption says it all...

Today's post will be in my amazing Scottish brogue:
Back in the US and totally knackered… I could definitely use a full day of sleep. Had an absolutely brilliant time though. It was great catching up with all my mates over there, even for such a short time. It felt a wee bit odd being back there after 5 years, but soon I felt right at home. Lots of talk about music (mostly British, like Arctic Monkeys) and TV (mostly British too, like Celebrity Big Brother), but I got by. Everyone is doing well… some are still in uni, some have jobs, and some are on the dole… but they all seem happy. I'd forgotten just how much everyone eats and drinks over there… I must've averaged well over a pint of lager per waking hour. I also had my first Sunday Roast, which consists of a whole roast chicken, sausage wrapped in bacon, 3 kinds of potatoes, 4 kids of veggies, stuffing balls, 3 types of pie, ice cream, and more. In fact, I'd say that almost all of my meals contained at least some combination of bacon and sausage, especially the eagerly-anticipated Scooby Snack (cheeseburger, 2 fried eggs, bacon, sausage, & potato scone, available only from midnight to 6am). Bloody amazing.
Em, well I need to head to my flat and maybe grab a power hour… or just sleep straight through until morning.

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, but I've been pretty swamped at work... and now I'm off to Scotland until Monday night. No posts from there, as I'll probably spend the whole time there shit-faced (or, as they say there, pissed).

But before I go... I would totally kick ass at this show!

NBC-Ya
So Will & Grace is finally leaving the airwaves at the end of the season. Now word comes that The West Wing will be gone too. What's next? Hopefully SNL. I know it's the hip thing to do to badmouth it lately, but last weekend's show was such a trainwreck, I don't even know where to begin. Every single sketch could be boiled down to a single joke: pirates like Sarsgaard cause they say "argh." Shattered Glass at a cat magazine (um, isn't that parody like 3 years late? I guess it's better than when about a month ago they finally took a jab at Glengarry Glen Ross 13 years after the fact). Shopping at Target sucks (is that even a joke to begin with?). Aside from the Gore / Kerry Weekend Update bit (which was actually amusing), and the first line of the Sarsgaard SARS Guard in which he calls himself "critically acknowledged," the only time I laughed was at how badly the hotel scene got screwed up when Peter broke the TV. Watching them figure out how to continue the sketch without showing the TV screen… and without showing the tech person crawling under the camera… now that's comedy.
Seriously, let's put this show out of its misery. It's just too painful.

TRL Moment of the Week
For Spankin New Music Week Rock, we asked our guests before the show to name their favorite rock video of all time. The plan was to then ask them on the air and roll some of their pick. We got the same answer Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday: GnR, "November Rain."
Sweet!
Unfortunately, clearance problems prevented us from showing that, or any other GnR video.
Not sweet.
But it's only a matter of time before the demand becomes too great and we're forced to show GnR videos on TRL. And I can't wait!

Keeping my geek streak alive today, anyone with fond memories of playing hours worth of Mike Tyson's Punch Out will enjoy this.

I know this is a few days late, but... I watched the series premiere of Love Monkey the other night. Even though I dislike Tom Cavanagh, and even though the previews looked terrible, I gave it a shot. And it was surprisingly watchable and occasionally amusing (except for the ridiculous forced "guy talk").
However, I just have to point out that "Essential Bob Dylan" does not have every song he ever recorded... it is a 30-track greatest-hits album. I know I'm being nitpicky, but for a show that's about the music industry and striving to be credible, they can do better than that. Hell, make up a fake compilation if you have to. Not that anybody should believe that Dylan's entire catalog can fit into a 2-disc set...
Yes, I know I've sunk to a new level of music geekdom. And I'm not even that big a Dylan fan!

MTA, I'm sick of riding subways at night* that have to crawl through tunnels at like 4 mph even though there is no traffic in front of them, simply because your workers won't move off the tracks. Yes, I know they have important maintenance work to do. But when they hear the horn blare, clear a path. Is it so hard to take 3 steps to the side so the train can get past? If they're too slow or stupid to get out of the way of a giant fucking train, then maybe they deserve to get run over.
And hiring conductors who try to be cutesy by saying "Good morning, good morning, good morning… oh, and did I say good morning?" does not make it better.

* Note: I am prone to cut them more slack when this happens at 3 in the morning, but not at 9pm, which is still prime-time for subway travel.

Axl Rose made a rare public statement to Rolling Stone regarding the long-awaited Chinese Democracy album. He says, "People will hear music this year."

Unfortunately, he doesn't say it will be new material from Guns N Roses.

But at least he's making an effort. And the goatee draws some attention away from the cornrows.

Who cares about watching the stupid Olympic Torch being lit when instead you could be tuning in to what could be (but hopefully are not) the final 4 episodes of Arrested Development ever?

It's been many years since I've laughed at a good Blonde Joke (probably not since I heard "What happened when the blonde tried to use a vibrator? She chipped her tooth" back in middle school), but I laughed at this one.

Wow, Fiona Apple and Zach Galifianakis sure make strange bedfellows. See for yourself in her new video, "Not About Love."

The good news this weekend is that all 4 football teams I rooted for won. Now if only both underdogs can prevail next Sunday, we'll have a Panthers vs. Steelers SuperBowl that only I will be excited for (although I wouldn't be particularly upset if the Broncos make it either).

The bad news this weekend is that the bagel place downstairs from me, where I've eaten countless bacon egg & cheeses was temporarily shut down by the health department. Lord knows what's living inside my stomach...

TRL Moment of the Week
On Tuesday, LL Cool J dropped by to promote his new movie Last Holiday. Since he began rapping when he was 9 years old, we brought in a 9-year-old rapper to show his skills to LL... an adorable rapper named Young Zay. Pretty impressive stuff for his young age, although I think he needs to harden up a bit. Here's my favorite line of his:
Don't gimme ya comb, cause you may have lice
And that ain't nice

Honorable Mention
Evangeline Lilly (who looks absolutely stunning in person) paid us a visit on Wednesday. In a Get-to-Know segment, we asked her what song reminded her of growing up. Her answer: The Damned, "Jet Boy, Jet Girl." She claims that her parents used to play it for her when she was a child. I'd never heard it before, and didn't recognize it even after she sang it to me backstage. But after finding the lyrics, I can guess that she must've had one fucked-up childhood.

As I had some free time at work, I decided to create a South Park version of myself. The resemblence is striking (excpet that my t-shirt should have the name of an 80s band on it).
You can do your own here.

Leave it Papa John's to improve on Domino's. Although I'm a big fan of the CinnaStix, this Cinna Swirl Sweetreat seems like a major upgrade. Just thinking about that and a large BBQ Chicken & Bacon pizza makes my cholesterol shoot through the roof.
I just wish it didn't look like it came from the center of a circle-jerk.

Ad As Hell (And Not Going To Take This Anymore)
There's an ad in today's AM New York for Metropolitan College of New York, with a middle-aged, successful-looking man smiling and saying "I want a college degree. I just don't want to take four years getting it."
Oh yeah? Well boo-hoo, you big baby. I want to be a millionaire. I just don't want to work for the money. But life usually isn't that easy, is it? Most times you have to put in effort to get what you want. It's called work ethic. Look into it.

Excellent news from my friend who had been stationed in Iraq:

Yes...
I've finally returned to the land of the living. Our advance unit arrived in GA on Tuesday and I've slept, spent, and drank my way to today. To all, my NEW cell is (***) ***-****...and I'm trying my best to get internet hooked up soon (I'm on a library comp w/ a 15 min time limit).
Other than that, just happy as hell to be back and sorry that I couldn't spend New Years with you guys. Thanks for all the greetings I didn't see until now...
Take care, I'll write you personally as soon as I get my computer running, and be patient....block leave will be here soon!
This computer says I have 2 minutes left, so I'll wrap it up and talk to you later....
Smiling widely,
K

Thus ends (at least temporarily) many many months of concern for his safety and well-being. I hope that anyone else who has friends or family serving overseas get to experience a similar sense of relief soon.

Warning to All Readers
If you're using a stapler, be careful that you DO NOT accidentally (or purposely) staple your finger. It stings like a bitch. And causes a blood blister.
I learned this the hard way yesterday.

That's it, I'm officially fed up with NFL announcers. These guys are so in love with the sound of their own voices, they hardly pay attention to what's happening on the field. Case in point: this weekend's (devastating) Tampa Bay loss against the Redskins. At one point in the second quarter, flags went flying after a play, and the refs called unsportsmanlike conduct on the Skins. The replays showed that TB's Michael Pittman got into an argument with Washington's Sean Taylor, and after a few seconds took a swing at Taylor. The announcers in the booth went nuts, saying that this is the worst officiating call they have ever seen, that Pittman is the one who should be penalized, that Taylor didn't do anything, that they hope this doesn't affect the outcome of the game, that they've never been more horrified in the history of the world EVER...
Um, excuse me? Did they not see the official standing right next to the players when it happened? Cause I'm sure he would call the penalty on the wrong person when he's watching the whole thing happen. Why don't these officials open their eyes instead of their mouths?
I told my roommate that Taylor must've said something really awful to instigate Pittman and cause the penalty. But the announcers just kept going for the next few minutes, even as Taylor was being escorted from the field. They then said how unfair it was for Taylor to be punished for this penalty, since it wasn't his fault. On and on and on...
Until they "received word from downstairs" that Taylor had spit in Pittman's face. Which, had they been listening, the official said when he announced the penalty in the first place. Then it was okay… and the announcers changed their tune to the point where they said that they'd slap someone who spit in their face too.
These guys have been getting worse and worse at not paying attention to the on-field action. I think from now on I'll watch the game on mute (and maybe pop in some GnR to get me pumped… yeah, that sounds good)

For anyone who's listened to a Fall Out Boy song and not understood a single word they're singing, you'll enjoy these videos:
- Sugar We're Going Down
- Dance, Dance

TRL Moment of the Week
VJDamien has been trying to get me to agree to see Eddie Money perform at B.B. Kings next month, which I finally agreed to. After telling him that I roped in another friend to join us, he hit me with this quote:
"I guess that makes 3 tickets to paradise!"
I wonder how long he'd been waiting to use line... it's a damn good line, though.

Usually I hate these stupid flash cartoons, but this one manages to cram just about every random pop culture reference that I love into one song... if only they'd added Patrick Bateman, it'd be perfect.

The Sports Guy always writes quality columns, but his latest is particularly funny... even if you could care less about college football.

Has Mel Gibson officially lost it? I thought so when I saw the trailer for Apocalypto... and now I think so even more when I heard about this hidden frame of himself he inserted into the preview.
Although it may be the most entertaining thing he's done in years.

Virgin Radio has revealed its list of the Top 500 Songs of All Time. Some odd, typically-British choices (Robbie Williams and James Blunt both in the top 10?). Also, it is drastically different from Rolling Stone's list... but to each his own, I guess.

Fantastically funny Op-Ed piece in Sunday's New York Times by Larry David. Since the site requires registration, I'll just post it here:

Cowboys Are My Weakness
By LARRY DAVID
SOMEBODY had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.
And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number. I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.
Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well, then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I'm still not going to that movie.
To my surprise, I have some straight friends who've not only seen the movie but liked it. "One of the best love stories ever," one gushed. Another went on, "Oh, my God, you completely forget that it's two men. You in particular will love it."
"Why me?"
"You just will, trust me."
But I don't trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of a man, depending on whom I'm with at the time? I'm a very susceptible person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another trying to get to me first. My wife won't let me watch infomercials because of all the junk I've ordered that's now piled up in the garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.
So who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business? Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies. And I generally don't pay for men, which of course is their most appealing attribute.
And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty, self-conscious heterosexuality I'm saddled with won't permit it.
I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that delights in torturing me would have a field day. "You like those cowboys, don't you? They're kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they're cute. You can't fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You're gay! You're gay!"
Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Was last night the final episode of Arrested Development? If so, it went out on a great note. Way for the writers to get in some digs at Fox and viewers for such poor treatment of the show. Here's hoping it lives on, somehow, some way...

And keep an eye out here for ways to save it.

Sorry my first post of 2006 was so angry and bitter. I'll back up a bit and discuss my NYE plans: floor-producing MTV's New Year of Music. My first time working the show, and it was surprisingly fun and non-stressful.


Around 9pm, the VJ's (plus special co-host Stephen from Laguna Beach) and I headed outside to tape the intro for the show. Unfortunately, just as we were ready to roll, P.O.D. started performing for one of the other shows shooting in Times Square. And we had to wait for them to finish to avoid having that horrific music in the background.

This is after P.O.D. launched into their 3rd song. You can see VJSusie and VJLaLa starting to get annoyed. Fortunately for us, P.O.D. is short on hits and soon thereafter ran out of songs to play.

Although I would never want to be one of the half-million jerkoffs standing in Times Square all night, it was actually pretty cool being able to walk past them and hang out above them. According to the cops, once the people on the street are placed into a particular section, they cannot leave at all. The crowd began to form in full force around 3pm. What do they do for food? And, more importantly, when they have to go to the bathroom?

Of the musical guests, I spent the most time with Fall Out Boy. They have a problem with cursing, so I had to constantly hold up a cue card saying "Don't Forget - No Swearing!" whenever they were on the air. They had a great time... although I'm sure they didn't appreciate Nelly calling them "The Fall Out Boys."

Overall, a memorable way to ring in the New Year. I hope everyone else enjoyed their celebrations. Best to you all this year!

Soy Un Perdedor
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After making it all the way to the end of my NFL Suicide Pool, I put all my faith in Drew Bledsoe and the Dallas Cowboys for Week 17.
And boy, did I choose poorly. (Ben, you were right)
So not only did I have to wait while everyone else picked correctly earlier in the day (3 people had Pittsburgh, and 1 won with San Francisco of all teams), but after waiting for the very last game of the regular season, I watched the Cowboys self-destruct against a pathetic Rams team. 20-10, final score. And that's it for me (and the one other moron who also went with Dallas). Instead of sharing in the $6,000 pot, I'm simply out $150.
But almost worse than the loss (emphasis on the word almost) is that I had to sit through ESPN's coverage of the game. Never have I been more annoyed by commentators. Since it was the last of ESPN's Sunday night games (starting next season they'll show Monday Night Football instead), the commentators had their noses up each other's asses the entire 3+ hours, saying how much fun they've had over the past 19 years, how much they love each other, how much they'll miss each other... I wanted to vomit. It was as if they weren't even there to cover the game. Who do they think they are? This is not the end of some grand cultural institution. Get over yourselves! At one point in the 2nd quarter, Pat Sommerall joined them in the booth to reminisce. Which they did for a good 5 minutes, not once commenting on the action happening on the field, which included one of the longest punts I've ever witnessed being called back on a penalty and a beautiful-looking catch being ruled an incompletion. In ignoring their actual duties, they basically revealed that their job is pointless. Guess we don't need commentators at all. Good riddance to ESPN's Sunday Night Football.
To sum up: I'm a loser baby.
So why don't you kill me?
Please?!?

P.S. On a lighter football note, I finally tracked down the clip from last week of the jackass Cleveland Browns fan running onto the field only to get bodyslammed by a Pittsburgh Steeler. And in doing so, I discovered an amazing sports blog. This will definitely cut into my downtime at work.