So I'm in the office, killing time until a 2pm script read-through for MTV's NYE show. I'm trying to figure out who to pick for the final week of my NFL Suicide Pool*. Yes, I've made it all the way to week 17. Unfortunately, so have 5 other people. This is the first time in the history of the pool that there may not (and probably will not) have a sole winner. I have it narrowed down to either the Cowboys at home against the Rams or the Giants on the road against Oakland. The Giants have already guaranteed a playoff spot, can win the division with a win, are playing a Raiders team sitting out LaMont Jordan, are sitting Jeremy Shockey, and stink on the road. The Cowboys may be eliminated from playoff contention by the time their game starts and could have nothing to play for, Bledsoe makes too many mistakes, you never know when the Rams will explode for 40 points, but they should win this game easily.
If I make it all the way to the end only to lose in the last week (especially after surviving last week's Tampa Bay overtime scare against Atlanta), giving up my share of the $6,000 pot, I don't know what I'll do. But if there are no posts from me in 2006, you can assume I chose poorly this weekend and decided to end my time on this earth.

Happy New Year, everyone!

* For those who don't know, in a Suicide Pool you pick 1 team each week. If that team wins, you advance to the next week. Lose or tie, and you are eliminated. You can only pick the same team once a season. Last person standing wins.

O'Brien + O'Donnell = O'Boy
Time Out New York calls this splice of Pat O'Brien's cell-phone message with Rosie O'Donnell from Riding the Bus with My Sister the "Flat-Out Funniest Thing of the Year." I don't know that I would go that far, but it's pretty amusing.

Are you a New Yorker without any plans for New Year's Eve? Why not spend it at Mars 2112... with Wes and Johanna from Real World: Austin?

Well, there's actually many reasons why not to... but I won't judge you if you go.

While reading the latest issue of Rolling Stone, which lists the 100 Worst Movies of 2005, I decided to count the number of those movies I was forced to see because of my job. The winning number? 23. True, that's not a huge percentage, especially since I also went to screenings of 4 of the 10 (which was actually 11) Best Movies of 2005. But it's still approximately 23 more of the worst movies than I would've wanted to see.
My boredom today caused me to count up all the movies I had to see screenings of this year, and the list came to a whopping 44. They are listed alphabetically below, and I've color-coded them thusly:
Green = I would've paid money to see it
Yellow = I would've been annoyed to pay money to see it
Red = I should've been paid more to see it

40-Year-Old Virgin
Aeon Flux
Assault on Precinct 13
Bad News Bears
Be Cool
Brokeback Mountain
Coach Carter
Constantine
Crash
Cursed
Dark Water
Derailed
Doom
Elizabethtown
Fantastic Four
First Descent
Flightplan
Four Brothers
Get Rich or Die Tryin
Hostage
House of Wax
Island
Jarhead
King Kong
Kingdom of Heaven
Longest Yard
A Lot Like Love
The Man
Memoirs of a Geisha
Miss Congeniality 2
Murderball
North Country
Red Eye
Rent
The Ringer
Rize
Robots
Sin City
Skeleton Key
Son of the Mask
Star Wars Episode 3
War of the Worlds
Wedding Crashers
Wedding Date

Sure is a shitload of red, isn't there?

After the yearly barrage of holiday music overtaking radio stations, I've come to the scientific conculsion that the best Christmas pop song of all time is The Kinks, "Father Christmas."

The worst: Jet, "Back Door Santa." Really now, that's just not necessary.

Well, the holidays are upon us, and that means that it's time to relax. Yesterday TRL taped its last show of 2005, and as our end-of-year gift, our bosses gave the staff the day off... which was fine, except that somehow I got suckered into going to a 10am screening of Glory Road. If you recall how much I hated Coach Carter, this is practically the same movie, only slightly improved. But not much. No work Monday, and probably not much to do Tuesday and Wednesday, then a half-day Thursday and no work Friday. Not a bad way to end the year.
It's hard to believe that the start of 2006 will mark my two-year anniversary at TRL. I'm not saying I don't like my job (I do... great co-workers, not too stressful, oftentimes fun). It just sometimes feels like my life is blowing by too quickly without me really doing what I want to be doing. I may have to reevaluate some things next year. But I'll wait until after the holidays for that.
For now, Merry X-mas / Happy Hanukkah to all my readers... maybe I'll catch you out tomorrow night celebrating Jewish X-mas (I'll be seeing Munich and eating Chinese food on the Upper West Side).

Thanks to my friend over at CtBL for introducing me to Latke Larry. That Jerry Stiller sure has the voice of an angel!

Shaven, Not Stirred
I'm surprised I haven't seen more people link to this photo... although I guess Eliza Dushku really isn't such a big deal. Sorry the picture is so large... but scroll to her waist for a big surprise.
And if you can, answer these questions for me:
- Why would anyone design a dress like that?
- Why would anyone buy a dress like that?
- Why would anyone wear a dress like that without anything underneath?

I know this is fake, but it also is enough to ensure that I will never be a camera operator on a porn film.

Note to my friend S___: the next time you throw a house-warming party, and you use your bedroom as a place for people to put their coats, you might want to reconsider having a bedspread with a cartoon horse on it. In fact, as a 26-year-old male, you should probably do away with it altogether.
And no, the excuse that your mom got it for you does not make it any more acceptable.

My roommate's annoying mother is in town again... for 2 weeks! Fortunately she's not staying with us, but she sure hangs out enough at our apartment. She walked in on Saturday as I was watching the Giants / Chiefs game... here's a sampling of her words of wisdom in the 20 minutes before I turned the TV off and retreated to my bedroom:
- (in reference to a player being penalized for taunting) "Taunting"? I always thought it was "tauning."
-(in reference to the same penalty) I wonder what he said. Probably "your mother."
-It's a good thing my cyst cleared up.
-Don't you think my Davey (my roommate) looks handsome in turquoise?
-(in reference to John Madden) Wow, he sure is fat!
-Well, I guess I'll take off. (she stayed for another 10 minutes)
-Don't you think Joaquin Phoenix sings better than the real Johnny Cash?

TRL Moment of the Week
Who are these animals who were standing out in the pit before Tuesday's show, and where did they come from? Are they fans of Ludacris and his DTP crew? And why is there a random guy without a costume mixed in with them? These are questions that, unfortunately, will never get answered.

P.S. Sorry this is late, and that there's been a lack of posts over the last few days... but I've been smacked by a fever and debilitating headache. Just in time for the holiday season.

So I'm probably the last person in the blogosphere to see the video of the bear getting shot by a tranquilizer and falling out of the tree onto the trampoline... but in case I'm not, here it is.

After seeing the nominations for this year's Golden Globe awards, something struck me as I looked over the nominees for Best Song: why don't artists actually sing about specific movies anymore? In the 80s, almost every song contained lyrics referencing the movies they were used in. Off the top of my head:
- "Howard the Duck" by the Bangles
- "Goonies R Good Enough" by Cyndi Lauper
- "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker Jr.
- "On Our Own" by Bobby Brown (from Ghostbusters 2)
- "Princes of the Universe" and "Who Wants to Live Forever" by Queen (from Highlander)
- "Batdance" by Prince
Artists these days put in no actual effort… they simply provide leftover songs previously recorded. And it makes me sad. I long for the glory days of 80s soundtracks.

Did the chest-waxing scene in 40-Year-Old Virgin make you cringe? Then you're not gonna like this contest finding the hairiest chest in America...

I'm getting pretty tired of going to concerts and having people behind me complain that I'm too tall. Yes, I'm 6'3". No, there's nothing I can do about that. But if you're stuck behind me and can't see the stage, you're out of your mind if you think I'm gonna give up my spot for you. You should've averted the problem and gotten there earlier. Or, even better, you can step 4 inches to the left or right so that I'm not blocking you.
This is your problem, not mine. So leave me alone.

I think StileProject was right on when they named this woman Cameltoe of the Year. That thing looks like Audrey 2 with its mouth shut in Little Shop of Horrors.

And while we're on the subject, during Spamalot there is a moment where 7 members of the cast are trying to spell out "CAMELOT" with signs. They first spell "MOLECAT," then spell "CAMLTOE." When the 2nd spelling came up, the guy sitting right behind me (who had been silent up until that point) yells out "Cameltoe! Now that's funny!"
It is? Thanks for clearing that up, jackass. I never would've known. And I'm sure the cast and crew are ecstatic that a one single joke out of 2 hours struck your fancy. Now sit the fuck back and shut the fuck up.*

*Note: this marks the long-awaited return of Angry LastStop. Enjoy!

TRL Quote of the Week
"(indecipherable mumbling) fucking (indecipherable mumbling) balls!"
- Lindsay Lohan, our guest co-host on Tuesday, in reference to our using a lotto-ball machine to pick a winner for a giveaway. For some reason her microphone had been left on as she hung out backstage, thus broadcasting the comment for all the world to hear.

This Spike Jonze-directed Gap ad must've been a dream come true to shoot.

Being a big fan of Lost and an even bigger fan of Requiem for a Dream, this is a very enticing rumor. I just hope it's true.

A bluegrass CD of Def Leppard covers could be one of the worst ideas ever thought of... and yet, here it is.

Long Kong (Beware Spoilers!)
Last night I went to an advance screening of King Kong. Being a huge fan of the original, I was extremely hesitant with my expectations of the new film (especially hearing of its 3+ hour runtime). And after the (excruciating) first hour had come and gone (which definitely could've been boiled down to about 20 minutes), and they still hadn't reached Skull Island, I almost began to panic. But at about the hour-and-20-minute mark, the film kicked in. And never stopped. One jaw-dropping action sequence after another, including a Brontosaurus stampede, Kong taking on 3 T-Rexes, and a nice destruction of 1933 NYC. Plus the relationship between beauty and the beast is surprisingly heartfelt. More than one person left the theater misty-eyed.
The film does have its flaws: Jack Black is terribly miscast, it's definitely too long, a lot of special effects (especially when dealing with water) look fake, there's an annoying subplot with Jamie Bell as a stowaway who compares this trip to "Heart of Darkness," and a terrible inside joke about how Fay Wray isn't available for the movie-within-the-movie because she's filming a picture for RKO. But for at least 100 minutes, I was captivated.

I was not, however, captivated by Spamalot, which I saw on Sunday. Having waited for Hank Azaria to return to the cast, I'd heard nothing but raves about the show. And I love Monty Python & the Holy Grail. But half of the play is cut straight from the film (and the cast is not nearly as funny as the Pythons), and the new stuff is mostly filler and recycled jokes from other Python bits (such as the Lumberjack song and the fish-slapping sketch). With a few exceptions, the songs are instantly forgettable. The cast tries hard and mostly do well, especially David Hyde Pierce and Sara Ramirez. But it certainly doesn't live up to the hype.
Oh, and one more thing… to raise money for Broadway Cares: Equity Fights AIDS, Spamalot is holding a silent auction. High bidder gets Hank Azaria to record an outgoing voicemail message in the voice of any of his Simpsons characters. Minimum bid is $500. Anyone want to get me that as a gift?

For all you techies, The Office genius (and Extras bungler) Ricky Gervais has a weekly podcast. Get it here.

TRL Moment of the Week
Uh-oh, alert the FCC... on Monday, MTV News correspondent Gideon Yago gave a report on the Nick & Jessica divorce. He gave a brief history of the break-up rumors, including Joe Simpson's response to an US Weekly story, saying it's the "usual bulls@*t."
Which is how we posted the text during the story.
But that's not how Gideon read it.
And yet even as a wave of panic crossed his face and a ripple of disbelief ran through the audience, he didn't miss a beat and continued with the story.
Don't know how many complaints (if any) we received, but I'm glad he at least tried to spice up the show.

I Pity the Fool Who Don't Follow My Directions!
My infatuation with Mr. T continues with this news report... yes, you can practically have Mr. T in your car with you! What could be better?

Repent! The End Is Near!
I mean, I'm sure she is an expert on the subject...

Another disappointing e-mail (at least from my perspective) from my friend stationed in Iraq:

Wow...what a crazy past couple days. Life over here often changes in a heartbeat and that's exactly where I find myself right now. Most of you know how I've been wavering on the "getting out, staying in" question for the past six months, but yesterday I made it final. I just signed my life away for the next 5 years.
I know, why why why? Everybody I talk to can only tell me how much they want me to get out of the army. But I think that was the problem, I was listening to what they wanted me to do, rather than what I wanted to do. So, after a sleepless night, I walked into the re-up officer's office early yesterday morning, and committed the next half decade of my life to Uncle Sam. Wow...
Today was the swearing-in ceremony and I felt like I was in a coma, words came out of my mouth like somebody else was saying it. I heard this guy named _____ swear to protect his country, honor the constitution, and all that...just hard to believe that guy was me.
My plan is sound however, I charted out my career path which, if all goes well, will send me to Ranger school when I get back, and then have me going to Special Forces selection by the end of 2006. If I don't pass (but I will), my fall back is to go to warrant officer's school and learn to fly helicopters. Either way, I win. I like the army life...nowhere else can you focus so entirely on self-improvement, and I feel I still have a long way to go.
To me, life is about challenges. After meeting them and succeeding, you ramp up and find other peaks to summit. That's what this is all about...what are my limits? And there's no doubt the next 5 years will test just that. Most guys will tell you that after they re-up they feel like they just swallowed a lead weight, but I feel exactly the opposite. A little nervous perhaps, but excited to see what's around the corner...both body and mind are going to be pushed to the envelope and I can't wait to be there and see how I measure up.
What a crazy couple days... ;)
Stay cool and I'll talk to you soon.
-K

I really thought he had reached his breaking point with the Army, so hearing this is pretty disheartening. I hope that he is still planning on swinging through New York during his leave in January so I can ask for a better explanation. At least it sounds like his training will take him out of direct combat for a while, but the idea of him in the Special Forces worries me.
Bush, if you're reading this (and I'm sure you are), get the fucking troops out of fucking Iraq right fucking now!