Some quick links:
1) Congrats to Tilly & the Wall on their national TV debut on Friday's Late Show with David Letterman. If you missed it, you can watch it here. Personally I would've chosen a different song to perform... "Bad Education" isn't as catchy as "Sing Songs Along" or "Rainbows in the Dark," and the minor chords and yelling might put off some first-time listeners. But they played with great energy and enthusiasm, and hopefully this will bring them some few fans. Also, Kianna was so adorable when she basically squawked to Dave"It's SO nice to meet you!" And Dave had a nice line after the commercial that the downstairs neighbors were complaining about the tap-dancing.
2) Wait a minute, contestants on reality television drink alcohol to loosen up? And producers are okay with that? I never would have known. Thank you, New York Times, you have really earned your reputation with that story! What would I do without you?
3) I know I'm way late on this, but I finally watched Comedy Central's A Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education, and this Steve Carell clip stole the show. Well, that and Ricky Gervais's line that Steve Carell would follow his stand-up by doing the same routine but that Steve would be funnier and get paid more money.

Swing & a Miss
There were two problems I discovered upon dressing up a Baseball Fury* for Halloween parties this weekend:
1) A significant number of people (read: women) have not seen The Warriors, and therefore did not get the reference. This was to be expected, I suppose. The movie is 25 years old and only achieved cult success. That being said, those who have seen the movie seemed to like the costume, although I could've gone without everyone saying to me "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle!"
2) Several people thought I was dressed as Cory Lidle and exclaimed that it is "too soon." Yeah, no shit. Unfortunate oversight on my part. Trust me, I meant no disrespect.

* This probably didn't need to be pointed out, but to avoid any confusion, the photo is a screen catpure from the movie, not me. I'll try to get a photo of myself later today.

TRL Moment of the Week
Why did we have 750-pound sumo champion Manny Yarbrough on the show on Monday, in a diaper no less, shaking his booty? To see if Miley Cyrus (named from her former nickname Smiley) could keep from smiling, of course. I'll tell you who wasn't smiling: the people who had to clean his dressing room after his visit, saying they've never smelled anything so foul in their life. Also not smiling: the wardrobe girl I had convinced was needed to help Manny put his diaper on (I couldn't go through with actually sending her to his dressing room, but in retrospect I should have).
Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, Miley did smile.

Andy Taylor has left Duran Duran. Again. For a second I thought that at least that could lead to a potential Power Station reunion. Then I remembered that 50% of them have passed on. So much for that.

Go Go Go Vote
My friend Tiff, who sings in the band Valeze, has asked me to post her band's new video "Go Go Go" as part of a YouTube contest. If you've got a minute, click this link and give it a 5-star rating. Thanks.

Still catching up on links that I missed over the past few days, so here are some more:
- Dance your cares away... there's gonna be a Fraggle Rock movie!
- Arrested Development may be over, but you can still pick up cool props from it (and other Fox shows), including Gob's Segway. Hurry though... the auction ends around 1pm EST.
- Sad news for Mary Carey: she had to drop out of the California governor's race to take care of her injured mother. No jokes here; I hope her mom has a speedy recovery.
- Finally, WXPN in Philadelphia has posted a list of the 885 greatest artists of all time, as voted by their listeners. And their listeners are apparently a bunch of morons and douchebags. David Gray is 18 spots higher than Michael Jackson? Coldplay is 7 spots higher than Queen? Counting Crows are 137 spots higher than Guns N Roses?!?!? I could go on and on (Sarah McLaughlin higher than the Pretenders, Matchbox 20 higher than AC/DC, John Mayer higher than Rod Stewart, Cake is higher than Van Halen, Toad the Wet Sprocket is higher than the Buzzcocks, AFI is higher than Outkast), but it's just too frustrating. I'm ashamed I went to college in Philly for 4 years.

Jump-Shit
What is the most annoying thing in football right now? The New York Giants defense doing their stupid "ballin'" jump-shot celebrations after big plays. It's bad enough when non-athletes use sports metaphors in the workplace. But this goes above and beyond. You guys are already professional athletes. Why pay homage to an entirely different sport? And do you realize how ridiculous it looks for a 280-pound lineman to take a jump-shot? Surely you can be more creative than this.

I'm back in NYC after a very fun but very exhausting 4 days in Orlando. There's nothing like standing outside in front of an wedding in a tuxedo during record-breaking heat (93 degrees in the end of October? Stupid Florida) and feeling the sweat drip down your back but not being able to do anything about it. And aside from some hairy moments (such as when I went to pick up said tuxedo and found it had been sent instead to a New Jersey store, or having to get up at 7am on few hours of sleep to go golfing with the guys in the heat even though I don't even play golf and simply went along to drive a golf cart, or the groom's father suffering through a debilitating stomach virus that caused him to vomit almost once an hour up until shortly before the wedding began), a good time was had by all.

Since I haven't had much internet access and am way behind on stuff, I'll simply put up 2 links:
- Someone needs to make a movie about this guy's life. Based on his obit, I'm shocked he lived to be 85.
- What a perfect ending to the Chicago Marathon. (thanks for the link, Jen)

I'm off to Orlando to be a groomsman at my friend's wedding, so no new posts until Monday. Sorry.

Quick note: Tilly & the Wall gave another terrific show at Bowery last night... fun, energetic, tight. Love that gang. They'll be back in the area on Monday to play Maxwell's in Hoboken. And they're taping a performance on Letterman that will air Friday the 27th. So get your tickets. And set your Tivos (or DVRs).

For some reason I got an e-mail today from Ticketmaster offering me complimentary tickets to shows at BB King Blues Club & Grill. Sometimes legendary artists (Brian Wilson, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis) play there, and sometimes my guilty pleasure artists (Pat Benatar, Vince Neil) play there. So I clicked on the link, and in fact the free offer is only good for tribute bands (and the Dana Fuchs Band). But when I clicked on the link for the Pearl Jam tribute on January 13th, it describes the gig as "Pearl Jam after-party following their nearby concert. " PJ hasn't announced any 2007 concerts yet, but they did bypass Madison Square Garden on their last tour. Are they coming back? If so, you heard it here first.
If any of you want free tickets to tribute bands, here you go. And don't say I never did anything for you.

Oh, and here's some good news for fans of 80s rock / cock rock / synth rock / crap rock / whatever you want to call it. And for fans of Boogie Nights.

A Random Rant about Music
I finally got around to reading the Rolling Stone issue with Fergie on the cover. In the feature story about her (which you'll have to buy at a newsstand to read the whole thing), Will.i.am. reflects on the first time he asked her to the recording studio:
Will remembered her pitching her solo album to him and invited her up to the studio. "She sang, and I was like, 'Wow, that was dope. You wanna put a harmony on it?' She was like, 'You want a third or a fifth?' I was like, 'Whoa! You know that knowledge shit! Why don't you put a third on it and we'll put the fifth on it later, 'cause that'll make it sound dissonant.' She said, 'Well, I could put the fifth on bar two, and on bar three I could go in unison.' I was like, 'Wow! I'm fuckin' wit' you!'"
Excuse me, but this really bothers me. It exemplifies all that's wrong with modern music. Why should he be so surprised that Fergie knows about harmonizing? God forbid current musicians should take the time to learn music theory. In a world in which shows like American Idol make stars out of people who don't need to play instruments or write their own songs, and who have computers to fix their pitch problems, quite frankly I give lots of credit to Fergie for at least knowing what she's doing (albeit I wish she could use that knowledge to write better songs).
We should stop calling people "musicians" and "artists" and call them what they really are: singers, nothing more. And oftentimes, even that's a stretch.

Fade Away and Radiate
On Saturday night I was killing time in the East Village before the Debbie Harry / Chris Stein acoustic set at CBGB's* when I wandered into a Tower Records. As I'm sure you know, Tower recently announced it is liquidating, and the store I passed was advertising a huge going-out-of business sale, with blow-out prices on everything. Well Tower, I'm calling bullshit on you. Sure, you're giving 15% off on all rock / pop CD's, and 20% off on hip-hop. But when the original price is $14.99, $16.99, even $18.99 for a single disc, how is that a bargain? Don't most music stores automatically give like a 20% discount on new releases? A stroll into the DVD section was even worse. Claiming 50% off sticker price for used DVD's from their rental section seemed exciting at first, until I noticed that the sticker price was the MSRP. No big chain stores sell any products at MSRP, let alone used ones. I'd expect to get 50% off used DVD's anytime, not during a blowout sale. No wonder Tower is going out of business… why would anyone shop there at these prices?
* Yes, I realize that it wasn't necessary for me to include this in a post about Tower Records, and that I'm basically bragging. But this is my site, and I can brag if I want. And while we're on the subject, most Blondie music sounds surprisingly good when played acoustically. They did 7 Blondie songs, 2 Ramones covers, and a Gun Club tune (that I had to google to identify). Debbie still seems uncomfortable at the mic, but she looks great for her age, and she came up with a brilliant idea that someone should start selling wallpaper that looks like the sticker-covered insides of CBGB's. Can I call dibs on that?

Made for These Times
I'm not sure why there's a sudden plethora of mash-ups for the Beach Boys' masterpiece Pet Sounds. Maybe it's the due to the 40th anniversary. Whatever. Anyway, I missed out on the Beachles Sgt. Petsound's Lonely Hearts Club Band (stupid cease & desist). But now there's this: Bastard Pet Sounds, which mashes the album up with... well, a pretty eclectic mix, everything from Dandy Warhols to Led Zeppelin. Hurry up and download before the record labels attack.
Oh, and the guy who did Bastard also has a nice little mash-up of Madonna's "Hung Up" vs. Huey Lewis & The News's "The Power of Love."

TRL Moment of the Week
Sarah Michelle Gellar, here to promote The Grudge 2, spent most of her time here raving about a rival show. For some reason the studio was kept close to 120 degrees on Tuesday, and the audience, VJ's, and guests were suffering. Backstage, SMG said that the heat made her want to be a contestant on "that Fuse show, you know, the one hosted by the Full House girl. Crazy Strip Dancing or something like that." Nobody but me knew what she was talking about, but I couldn't think of the actual title of the show. When it finally hit me, I yelled out "Pants-Off Dance-Off" and SMG practically jumped off the couch in excitement. "Yes! Dance-Off Pants-Off! I can't believe none of you have seen it. It's such a great show!"
I guess I shouldn't be surprised at her lack of taste. After all, she did marry Freddie Prinze, Jr.

The T&A Team
Everyone knows that The Real World has eliminated any semblance of social experimentation and has simply become a place to watch young hotties hook up with each other. Now MTV itself has acknowledged this fact with a nice little parody of the upcoming season of the Real World / Road Rules Challenge (which I must admit is the only MTV show I still watch regularly).

Tickets to see K-Fed in concert here in NYC have been on sale for 2 hours and 29 minutes, and they're not sold out yet. What's wrong with you people? It's like you want him to fail, or something...

Buried in the TRL Graveyard
At least week's creative meeting, I pitched the following stunt idea, which was deemed "too mean" to our fans and shot down.
Who's the Dumbest Member of the Audience?
A Singled Out-type elmination game. We start with the entire audience and ask them either true / false or multiple choice questions (not pop culture stuff, more like math / spelling / geography). Anyone who gets the question right can sit down; get it wrong and you stay in the game. We continue this until we're left with one person who has gotten every question wrong, and we give that person a dunce cap and name them the dumbest kid in the audience.
I don't think it's mean to our fans. It's mean to the one fan who loses… and maybe the person who comes in 2nd. But it's fun for the smart people, and fun for the people watching at home who get to see the stragglers sweat it out.
Plus our audience can't be dumber than half of our guests.

A Quick Poll
Am I the only person somewhat excited that George Michael has allegedly convinced Andrew Ridgeley to join him for a one-time Wham! reunion at Wembley?
A) Yes
B) Hells Yes
C) Who's Andrew Ridgeley?
D) Who gives a fuck?

Longtime LSTT favorites Tilly & the Wall have released a video for "Rainbows in the Dark." Look at how cute their fans are. Just look at 'em!
The group just kicked off another U.S. tour. They're so much fun live... I highly recommend checking them out.

After a bummer of a weekend (Yanks got demolished, Dolphins fell to 1-4), I have to grasp at the one potential bright spot: 92.3 Free FM last night said that GnR's Chinese Democracy is coming out November 21st. So I did a little research, and sure enough, the original claim comes from Rolling Stone magazine (albeit with a HUGE grain of salt). I've been burned by this rumor many, many times before, but I'm once again putting my faith in Axl. If SMiLE can finally come out, so can this album.

On a separate musical topic, I missed out on getting tix to Saturday night's Distillers / acoustic Debbie Harry & Chris Stein show at CBGB's. Anyone by any chance have an extra one?

TRL Moment of the Week
Jessica Simpson co-hosted the show with Dane Cook on Wednesday (what a coincidence, their movie Employee of the Month hits theaters today!), and there was much humor to behold backstage between segments. Joe Simpson, of course, was at her side, and he kept complaining that we should not be showing videos today and instead should focus more on the two of them and their movie. Naturally neither Jessica nor Ashlee has a video currently on the countdown.
Speaking of Ashlee, Joe was saying that she was too sick to go onto the London stage that night in Chicago. Odd that she's suddenly sick, considering her 22nd birthday was the night before. She's only in the role for 5 weeks, and trying to prove herself as a viable actress… does she really have the luxury to pull shit like this?
And on a final note, we had fans asking Jessica and Dane questions throughout the show. During a break, our segment producer was prepping them on what they'd be asked to make sure everything was kosher, as a fan wanted to ask Jessica if she's ever said anything in public that she later regretted. Jessica laughed and said she's basically made a career out of that, and Joe chimed in, saying "I can think of some things." At which point I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying, "What, such as 'I do'?"

If you Arrested Development fans need a George-Michael fix, you can watch Michael Cera do stand-up here. Just don't expect him to be as funny as his character.

WWBBJD
Two former TRL brethren left to start their own production company, and this is their latest project. I like it... hope you do too.

Any big fans of Chuck Palahniuk out there? If so, here's your chance to become pen pals with him. I've heard he often responds with care packages filled with random stuff.

Ha Ha Oa
Overheard in the MTV elevator:
Guy 1: Are you going to HHO this week?
Guy 2: What?
Guy 1: HHO. Hip-Hop Honors. Sorry, I just made that up.
(pause)
Guy 2: HHO?
Guy 1: Yeah, Hip-Hop Hon… oh wait, HHH.

I Want My Good TV
I got some complaining to do, so be warned...
First on the list, Survivor. I know I very recently came to your defense about splitting the tribes by race. I thought it was fascinating. But you abandoned it in just the third episode. Why? What was the point of dividing them that way in the first place if it was for such a short period of time? If it was as a social experiment, you didn't collect enough data... if it was for hype, it showed that you buckled under fear. Major cop-out, and I'm very disappointed.
Next up, Inside the NFL. At first I seemed intrigued with your new policy of showing highlights of fewer games so that you can go more in-depth with the ones you show, taking us into the sounds of the game. But then, instead of showing on-field action, you devote minutes of camera time to the Hasselbeck parents as they sit in the audience, or Bill Cowher's daughter as she watches the game from a luxury box. Who gives a crap about them? I thought you were gonna show more of what happens on the sidelines, in the huddles, in the locker room. That's what is inside the NFL, no? If you're gonna focus on that stuff, then rename the show Inside the NFL's Families. Then I'll know not to watch.
On a positive note, Time Warner Cable's DVR service has finally put in a better search option, where you can type in program names instead of just going to the first letter and scrolling through every title starting with that letter. Now if only they can extend their schedule more than 3 days ahead...

Update: How could I forget about SNL? Given all the buzz about the show having budget cuts and firing cast members, not to mention two other NBC shows taking potshots at them, you'd think they'd come out of the gate with their guns blazing. So what did they do? They opened with a sketch about President Bush being bored at a local Comptroller's speech that wasn't just not funny, it didn't even attempt a joke until at least a minute had passed. Not the right way to put the Saturday Night Dead headlines to rest.

TRL Moment of the Week
With so much happening during Spankin Free Music Week, everything is a blur. Could it be James Blunt, discussing with VJStephen the problems with using UK slang in the US, saying that Americans don't understand him when he says he's "going outside for a fag," and VJStephen, not understanding him, looking like his eyes are gonna bulge out of his head? Could it be our webcam interview with Panic at the Disco, when the connection was so bad that the audio was totally choppy and the Panic guys got frustrated and figured that since we couldn't hear them they could just start saying anything they wanted, and then suddenly the audio kicked in and they said "shit" loud and clear on the air? No, my personal favorite was probably prepping our guests for Wednesday's cold open, the lamest we've ever done in the history of TRL. The guests were JoJo (age 15), Vanessa Hudgens (age 17), and Jesse McCartney (age 19). Here's the copy:

JOJO
-I'M TOO YOUNG TO DRIVE

VANESSA
-I'M TOO YOUNG TO VOTE

JESSE
-AND I'M TOO YOUNG TO DRINK

JOJO
-BUT WE CAN ALL COME TOGETHER FOR DAY 3 OF TRL'S SPANKIN FREE MUSIC WEEK
-AND IT STARTS NOW!

JoJo was fine with it. Vanessa, tolerable. But Jesse looked like he'd rather shove his balls in a vice than do the read. But he did it, with a grimace on his face the likes of which I'd never seen before. Later, during a commercial break, I told him that we felt like we hadn't embarrassed him enough yet so he would have to do his acoustic performance in a diaper. He looked at me silently for a moment, then said "I don't doubt you." But at least he was a good sport about it all. That's more than I can say for the many, many guests who have shot down perfectly un-lame creative.

So what does it take for my hometown of Coral Springs, Florida to make the national news? Apparently a story of death, deception, and itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikinis.

Witchy Woman

You'd think that after all the money she spent reconfiguring her face, Ashlee Simpson would've done something to her chin to look less like Witch Hazel.

The perks of working at MTV continue... I can now write my TRL scripts while listening to Q104* on my Prarie Home Companion radio, which came free in the mail today to remind me that it hits DVD on October 10th.
(note: the desk behind the radio is my officemates, not mine... so please don't question the appearance of the Mets bobblehead dolls)

* Speaking of Q104, they're having a presale for Brian Wilson's 40th-Anniversay performance of Pet Sounds (with Al Jardine!). Starts this morning at 10am. Password is SOUNDS.

Some quick links today:
- For those of you with money to spare, buy a real Fem-Bot.
- For those of you without money to spare, get free Cold Stone ice cream.
- For those of you with alcohol to spare, play the Studio 60 drinking game.

Wow, what a great site this is... free streams of every episode of The Simpsons ever made. Watch past season 10 at your own risk.

After watching the first two episodes of this season of Survivor, I'm tired of people saying that the dividing-tribes-by-races angle is racist. It's just not. The producers haven't played into any ethnic stereotypes; it's not like the African-American camp was given fried chicken and collard greens, or the Asian-American camp was filled with math books. They have done nothing to put one race in a better or worse light than another. If anything, they seem to be overcautious, always checking in with the Caucasian tribe last. I think they just tried to put a new spin on a tired formula. Whether this makes the show more interesting or not remains to be seen... I'm leaning towards it being unnecessary. But it's certainly not racist.

(Spoiler alert - don't read if you haven't seen last week's episode but plan to)
And a quick note: Heavy metal Billy's "love at first sight" speech about Candice automatically puts him in the Crazy Reality Star Hall-of-Fame. He can sit at a table right between Omarosa and Brigitte Nielsen. I can't wait to hear Candice's reaction when she hears about this.

TRL Moment of the Week
It seemed like bras had become the center of attention on our show, as on Wednesday Fergie popped out the bottom part of her breast, which was fortunately covered. Then on Thursday, this girl came by wearing a clear-white shirt and no bra (I know you can't tell from the photo. I'm trying to find a better-quality tape to get the image from. But for now you'll just have to trust me.). She somehow found her way directly behind the VJ's in almost every shot, raising her arms and jumping up and down. If that didn't cause a ratings spike, I don't know what will.

Maxim's list of the least-appealing women on television is completely messed up (although they did get Calamity Jane right... ugh, she makes me shudder). Tina Fey at #3? Um, Rachel Dratch, anyone? And where are Patty and Selma? Chloe from 24? Johnny Sack's wife on The Sopranos? Any daytime talkshow hosts (Oprah / Sally Jesse / Judge Judy)? Any of the contestants on Flavor of Love? Who else am I missing...

I'm Bringing Truth-y Back
Damn those gossip websites, always stirring up trouble and getting stories wrong. As I hope you've seen, Justin Timberlake loved our animal sex sounds game. No so, according to this site. But you all know the truth.

Yet another reason why I wish I was a multi-millionaire: I could buy the Nightmare on Elm Street house.
Not to live in it. Just because.

Who are those sweaty, tattoo-sporting, leather-pants clad old men?* Why that's Motley Crue (and the guy walking offstage on the far right, with the even weirder pants, is Steven Tyler). Last night VJDamien got me into the private Ambassadors of Rock event at the Hard Rock Cafe, celebrating the Hard Rock's 35th birthday and raising money for the Chris Farley Foundation. What a weird event... it was as if I'd been sucked into my television while watching VH1 Classic. All five members of Aerosmith! Max Weinberg! Rick Nielson of Cheap Trick! Vinnie Paul of Pantera! All four members of Hootie and the Blowfish! 40% of Damnocracy (Ian Scott and Evan Seinfeld)! And Matt Sorum, who I got to talk to briefly until I scared him away. Booze flowed freely (and free), hot waitresses duped suckers (including the two of us) into buying $50 raffle tickets, and the Crue played a 90-minute set of all hits (and one new song). Although the band was tight, Vince Neil simply sings sounds instead of words (for example, the first line of "Dr. Feelgood" now goes "Ha hail Himmy, heconeh woo, de-a Hollywoo"). Quite bizarre.

* And why can my camera only take crappy, out-of-focus photos at concerts? This was by far the best one to come out.

How lame is it to still like Weird Al* at my age (or at any age, for that matter)? And yet, I think his new Chamillionaire parody, "White & Nerdy," is genius. So excuse me for being lame... but as a genius once sang, it's hip to be square.
(Update: here's a link that works)

* Note: Some friends and I went to see Al perform live on his "Bad Hair Day" tour (yes, I know... but he's really quite a showman... more costume changes than Madonna or Mariah). When the concert ended, we were standing outside the venue and there was a huge line of people with backstage passes waiting to meet Al (I think they got the passes from his fan club). Someone who had just come from backstage asked if anyone wanted his pass, and I immediately grabbed it. I waited on line for like 30 minutes, went backstage and met him. He signed my "Bad Hair Day" CD (which I conveniently happened to have with me), and then, trying to be funny and original, I asked him when we can expect UHF 2. He gave me an annoyed look, muttered under his breath that it was highly unlikely, then shooed me away. I guess he's still a little sore that the movie tanked so badly. And now he and I have beef.

TRL Moment of the Week
Tuesday's show included the crowning achievement of my tenure at TRL. Here's the set-up: since Justin Timberlake's new album is called "Future Sex / Love Sounds," he must be an expert on love sounds... so we played down actual audio clips of animals having sex and had him identify each animal. It became, in Justin's own words, the "weirdest moment on TRL ever... ever!" Watch for yourself here (the good stuff starts at 1:05, and you can stop watching at 3:55).

Honorable Mention
The Rock made a vast improvement to the cold open to yesterday's show when he changed his line "Shut your piehole, Damien" to "Shut your balloonknot, Damien." Gotta be the first time that word has been used on TRL.
Sorry Rock, any other week the crown would've been yours... but this week the competition was just too fierce.

Ridin Dirty
Okay, do the makers of this iGallop machine really think that women will use this machine to exercise and simulate horseback riding? Seriously?
(My favorite part of the video is the cowgirl pretending to shoot pistols as she's riding. That's some hard-core exercising)

Yes, that's me as a Simpsons character. Not a great resemblance, and not as good as my South Park character. You can create your own at the Simpsonmaker.

By the way, I broke my vow yet again and watched Sunday's season premiere of The Simpsons. Big surprise... it sucked. This time I really promise never to watch a new episode again.
Seriously.

Again, I am not endorsing the U.S. version of The Office... but since I know there are so many fans out there, you should call 1-800-984-DMPC (3672). You'll probably get a busy signal the first few times, but it goes through eventually.

In Pig Heaven
Over the weekend I happened upon one of the more unusual drink concoctions I've ever had... only available at 2:30am on a Saturday night / Sunday morning at Otto's Shrunken Head... it's a shot of bourbon with a freshly-grilled strip of bacon dropped in. The grease mixes with the bourbon, so when you first drink it, your stomach feels like it's gonna revolt. But then the bacon acts as a chaser, and all is well in the world again... it's quite exquisite. I highly recommend everyone try it at least once.

TRL Moment of the Week
Did the show sink to a new low on Friday by introducing a mascot, the TRL Jackass, to randomly give out $1,000 of back-to-school cash to kids in the audience? Or was it an ingenious ploy to gain viewership? Or was it a subtle but brilliant marketing ploy to remind people about the upcoming Jackass: Number Two movie*, in theaters September 22nd and distributed by MTV Films (we certainly didn't call it the TRL Donkey...)? Only time will tell.

* Note: Saw a screening of this about 6 weeks ago, and I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed so hard at a movie. The shit they do is unreal! And I promise, this recommendation has nothing to do with my being employed by MTV.

For no real reason whatsoever, I've decided to put together a list of 10 celebrities that I wish I could remove any trace of fame from. And not just make them unfamous now... I mean take away the fact that they were ever famous. Erase everything they've ever done. I put them in no particular order, with the exception of the first name:

-Diddy: He has been at the top of my most-hated list for years. It boggles my mind he got as big as he is. As a rapper, all he does is take well-known riffs and go "ugh" and "ah" over them. He's the most unabashed shiller I've ever seen... whenever he comes to TRL, the staff places fake bets on how many times he'll say "in stores now" or hold up the CD he's promoting (the pinnacle of this is when he came to promote his role in Raisin in the Sun on Broadway, and because he was so used to saying it all the time, he said that the play "was in stores now"). He also is ridiculously frivolous with money, which I guess is his prerogative but still annoying when he uses it to rent penguins to roam around his parties, and I hate that he hires people to do stupid shit for him, such as his umbrella-butler Farnsworth and his more-recent question-answerer and drink butler at this year's VMA's.
-Fred Durst: I used to imagine that if I had lots of money, I would offer him a million dollars to record an album without a single curse word, just to see if he could do it (I doubt he could, given his average of a curse every 4.6 words). Now I realize that's a stupid idea, because I wouldn't want him to have another penny. Fortunately the world seems to have moved well past Limp Bizkit... let's hope it stays that way. (And I just found out that apparently he has herpes - thanks Lindsay)
-Ben Affleck: I once read a review, I think it was of Chasing Amy, which described Ben mouth-breathing his way through the role and wondering if he could ever close his trap. Funny observation. But an even better observation is that the only emotion he can ever portray with any accuracy is smugness, probably because he exudes so much smugness in real life. He's a pompous, arrogant jerk. And how does he still get work? Look at his resume... bomb after bomb after bomb. (update: was just forwarded this... yet another reason to dislike him)
-Spike Lee: I have no problem with people expressing their opinions. But Spike does his with such venom, no matter what he's trying to say, that you could care less about his point because you have such a problem with his delivery. And when he argues, he never lets other people express their opinions, or at least never acknowledges them. A few weeks ago there was an article in New York Magazine in which he ranted that we haven't addressed slavery in this country... that kids should know that George Washington owned slaves. Since when are we hiding that fact? I know I learned that in school. But that's besides the point. Is teaching that more important than teaching about the battles he fought or his becoming the first president? Believe me, I don't want to take anything away from the issue of slavery. But what good will it do to make the focal point of all important historical figures who owned slaves the fact that they owned slaves? Yes, make it part of the lesson, but not the only lesson. (I know I'm not explaining myself properly here, and I hope I'm not offending anyone. If you take one thing away from this paragraph, it's that I hate Spike Lee.)
-Sammy Sosa: He's not as big an asshole as Barry Bonds, and has never technically been connected to steroids. But come on... is there any doubt? And at least Bonds showed amazing talent before he started taking steroids. Before Sosa did, he was a puny nothing. Suddenly he hits 60+ homers in 3 out of 4 seasons? I call bullshit. He's also one of the biggest offenders of admiring his homers after he hits them. Run the fucking basepaths, then celebrate once you've crossed home plate.
-J-Lo: She can't sing, can't act, has no personality. And yet she's the ultimate diva. How did that happen?
-Rob Schneider: His "making copies" SNL character was moderately funny... the first time you saw it. After that, I can't think of a single thing he's ever done that has made me laugh (okay, 1 thing: in Big Daddy, when his deliveryman is learning to read and, when he sees "hippopotamus," says "hip... hip-hop... hip-hop anonymous." Although it doesn't seem so funny as I'm writing this). In the U.S. version of Men Behaving Badly, he even made Ron Eldard (star of such side-splitting films as Black Hawk Down, House of Sand and Fog, and Sleepers) seem like a comic genius. His movies aren't just bad... they're some of the worst ever made (my co-worker claims that Benchwarmers is the worst movie he's ever seen). And way to use Mel Gibson's anti-Semetic rant to bring attention to yourself by saying you'll never work with him. Yeah, in your dreams, Deuce.
-Britney Spears: I know this is sort of cliched, but seriously, what is she contributing to the entertainment industry at this point (or to society in general, for that matter)? Not only that, but strip away her celebrity and you get rid of K-Fed too. May as well kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
-Chris Martin: I hate Dave Matthews's voice. Always have. Chris Martin sounds just like him. But I chose Chris over Dave because Chris named his kids Apple and Moses. What's next: Maxwell House? (thanks Seinfeld)
-Joe Simpson: Ashley is bad. Jessica is worse. But Joe takes the cake, if for no other reason than that Rolling Stone article from a few years ago when he discussed Jessica's album, which came out right around 9/11, and said (and this is paraphrased, but only slightly) "When the terrorists crashed the planes, they did more than destroy those buildings; they almost destroyed Jessica's career." He's a creepy slimeball (stop talking about your daughters' breasts!!!), he whines when things don't go his way, and in addition to his daughter, he pushed Ryan Cabrera into the music world. And please stop frosting your tips... you look ridiculous!

Thanks for letting me get all this off my chest. I feel much better now.

Yesterday I came across this article about "telephone telepathy." I've certainly experienced this phenomenon, although finding any scientific proof of its existence seemed highly unlikely to me. But not to Rupert Sheldrake. The subjects of his study correctly guessed callers 45% of the time. Yet I wouldn't say that his results are foolproof... after all he says that the "odds against this being a chance effect are 1,000 billion to one." Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't 1,000 billion the same as a trillion? Would any smart person, let alone a research scientist, say 1,000 billion when they meant a trillion? Not only that, and I admit I'm not amathematiciann, but for a sample of a mere 63 people, the trillion-to-one odds seemsextraordinarilyy high. I don't even think I'd put the odds at that if the subjects had guessed correctly 99% of the time. There must be an equation to show I'm right about this. If I have any math whiz readers out there, can you please prove this for me?

On an unrelated note, here's a really creepy website my friend sent me.

Last night I was supposed to go to Shea Stadium to see the Mets battle the Braves, but due to a rainout I found myself at home watching Hype!, the documentary about the Seattle music scene during the rise of the grunge era. I've gotten a bunch of musical docs over the past few months from Netflix, and this film doesn't compete with ones like Hated: GG Allin & the Murder Junkies or Punk: Attitude. Not much new insight. But it does give equal interview time to members of famous bands (like Pearl Jam, The Melvins, Soundgarden, and Supersuckers) and to ones who didn't gain mainstream success (like 7 Year Bitch and Coffin Stain - the non-famous bands had much better names, dontcha think?). Interesting to listen to their different viewpoints. It also shows the first ever live performance of "Smells Like Teen Spirit," featuring different lyrics than the Nevermind version.
But the best part of the movie was when Megan Jasper, a sales rep for Sub Pop discusses the 1992 article in the New York Times about grunge. During her interview with the paper, they asked her for grunge slang terms. She told them to give her words, and she would translate them into grunge-speak... but basically she just made shit up, and the Times published them all. You can read the article here, but I think you need to log in... so here's her infamous, ingenious list.
Lexicon of Grunge: Breaking the Code
WACK SLACKS: Old ripped jeans
FUZZ: Heavy wool sweaters
PLATS: Platform shoes
KICKERS: Heavy boots
SWINGIN' ON THE FLIPPITY-FLOP: Hanging out
BOUND-AND-HAGGED: Staying home on Friday or Saturday night
SCORE: Great
HARSH REALM: Bummer
COB NOBBLER: Loser
DISH: Desirable guy
BLOATED, BIG BAG OF BLOATATION: Drunk
LAMESTAIN: Uncool person
TOM-TOM CLUB: Uncool outsiders
ROCK ON: A happy goodbye

This post is in no way meant to convey that I think that Suchin Pak is ugly. In fact, I'm quite fond of her. Yet when I first saw this billboard over Times Square, I thought it was Suchin. Upon closer inspection, I don't at all. But for that first instant...

Open note to anyone collecting "money to feed the homeless"
I appreciate you giving your time to a charitable cause. However, if you're conducting your business on the street, and you see a scruffy, dirty-looking man walk past, don't simply assume he is homeless and ask if he would like something to eat. From my eye-witness account of this situation happening this morning on 44th & Broadway, it will lead to that man screaming at you, "What the fuck is your problem? You think I'm fucking homeless? Why don't you go fuck yourself!"
Just a heads-up.

TRL Moment of the Week
The All-American Rejects dropped by on Monday. During a commercial break, I overhead VJVanessa ask the guys to name five words that begin with the letter x (I missed the beginning of the conversation, so I'm not sure what prompted the question). The first three words I heard out of the guys' mouths:
- xylophone
- xenophobe
- zebra
Zebra? Really? And these guys have already made more money than I will ever see in my entire life. So depressing.

Honorable Mention: Jessica Simpson during her visit on Tuesday. Battling a case of laryngitis, she cancelled her performance but came to the show anyway to show off her croaky voice*. Listen to her here... at about the 1:25 mark she imitates a donkey, then makes an unintentionally funny remark about not being able to open her mouth at parties.

* Editor's note: sounds to me like she was faking. I've made that same voice when trying to get out of giving an oral presentation in high school. Not to mention the fact that her voice gets better as the interview progresses, then when VJDamien points it out it suddenly gets much worse again. Somebody maybe have sudden stage fright?

I Shook Axl's Hand!
Yes, towards the end of an interminable day floor-producing last night's VMA Live: Backstage Uncensored (a.k.a. the behind-the-scenes show streaming live on MTV Overdrive during the VMA's), the one and only Axl came down to my position in the basement to practice his teleprompter read and to do an interview with John Norris*. And although he was whisked back to the talent holding room before I could ask for a photo with him, I did manage to shake his hand while gushing like a pathetic fanboy about how excited I was to meet him. He couldn't have been nicer about my nerdiness, so I will forgive the fact that his hair looks like yarn and that his shirt had about four too many buttons undone.

* That interview contained my favorite exchange of the night (of the online portion). As his last question, John asked about the status of Chinese Democracy, and Axl assured him it's coming this year. When pressed for something more specific, Axl hesitated.
John: But it'll happen before democracy comes to China.
Axl: (rolling his eyes) Unfortunately.

Came home to another misdirected phone call to Brian Greene, String Theorist... this time a person left a message on my answering machine. He said:
Hello Professora Greeneee, I'm Roberto, I calling from Italy. Uh, I sented you an [unknown word... sounds like "island" or maybe "nylon"] your address in [another unknown word... sounds like "mat] at, uh, Columbia. I would, uh, like you take a look please, and then, uh, if you like, we can, uh, get together. Thank you very much. Bye.
Huh? Let's get a few things straight. First of all, from now on please pronounce my (meaning his) name correctly... the e at the end is silent. Secondly, if you found my (meaning his) address at Columbia, chances are you found his phone number too. They're in the same place. So stop calling me (meaning me) instead of him. Thirdly, you want to get together? I hope you're planning on flying to the U.S., cause it seems rather inconvenient for me (meaning him), a busy professor and expert physicist, to fly to Italy to talk with you. And finally, why didn't you leave a phone number for me (meaning him) to return the call? Seems much easier than flying to Italy.
Don't expect to be hearing back from me (meaning him... or me).

If this is real, it's somewhat amusing. If it's a hoax, it's not amusing at all. Either way, I think the poster seems like kind of a douchebag.

This page rarely bows to peer pressure. But my friend over at CtBL (I don't even know why I'm bothering to link to him, since he hasn't updated in months) really wants me to post this link. It's not the first place to point out the misunderstood lyric, but it's probably the only site completely devoted to it.

J__, I hope you'll stop bitching now.

Brownie Let Down
I thought that Domino's Pizza's new Fudgems would be amazing. They look gooey and delicious. Ordered them over the weekend, and it turns out they're the biggest fast-food disappointment since the McGriddle. Much smaller than the ads make them seem, and crunchy, not gooey. Crunchy! Who likes crunchy brownies? Crunchy means they're overcooked. Heed my warning... stay away!

Recently, the phone at my apartment has been ringing off the hook. Well not really, but I have gotten three calls over the past two weeks from people looking for Brian Greene, String Theorist, including one from the booking office of Good Morning America. I'm not sure what caused the flurry of activity, but my hunch is they want his thoughts on the Pluto planetary discussion. Then again, I might be way off base.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing is that while I'm used to being mistaken for him and getting calls for him doesn't really bother me, what does bother me is that it's not that hard to find his real contact info. Here's his Columbia University faculty webpage. It's got everything you need to get in touch with him right there. But do me a favor when you call him; be more polite than you are to me. When I picked up one of the calls (at 10:00 on a Wednesday night), the first thing out of the caller's mouth was "You're in big trouble."
"I am?" I responded. "Why?"
"You're coming to [some university in Kentucky, I can't remember which one specifically] tomorrow, right?"
"Um, who are you looking for?"
"Is this Brian Greene the professor?"
"No, can't say that I am."
"Oh, sorry." [click]
How fucking obnoxious. You're speaking to the foremost expert on String Theory, an Ivy League professor, a Rhodes scholar, a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, and just a nice guy (at least he seems that way from his photo). Show some respect.

If there was ever any doubt that 80s metal will never die, this Beatles tribute album is it. What a fucking roster on there.

Onto more recent music news, Method Man was interviewed for the new issue of Time Out New York. His answer to the second question has made me a lifelong fan because 1) he trash-talks my most hated celebrity, Diddy, and 2) he has alerted me to a new catchphrase. Here's what he had to say:
2. Some people thought you lost your chops on your last record. Did you feel like you had something to prove this time?
If these media motherfuckers are going to say Dem Franchize Boyz is dope and Meth is wack, their credibility is shit. I didn’t like my last album either, because I didn’t get to work with my people. It was a Bad Boy project—not to take anything away from Puffy, because he knows how to get the money, but Puff and Meth do not mix. Still, critics assassinating me because of one album? That was uncalled-for. They can eat a dick up till they hiccup.

Had my TRL fantasy football draft last night, and ended up with the 4th pick (out of 10) and another questionable team.
1. Tiki Barber (RB)
2. Bryan Westbrook (RB)
3. Anquan Boldin (WR)
4. Chester Taylor (RB)
5. Darrell Jackson (WR)
6. Todd Heap (TE)
7. Jake Delhomme (QB)
8. Frank Gore (RB)
9. Terry Glenn (WR)
10. Jake Plummer (QB)
11. Ernest Wilford (WR)
12. Minnesota (DEF)
13. Kellen Winslow (TE)
14. David Givens (WR)
15. Ryan Longwell (K)

My top RB is 31-years-old, my 2nd RB and 2nd WR are injured, and my defense stinks. And yet I still feel I'll be competitive. Fingers crossed...

P.S. I promise this is my last fantasy football-related post for a while.

Last night I had the first of my 2 fantasy football drafts. It was a live offline draft, taking place at a random production office in Chelsea, with catering from Daisy May's BBQ and many Budweiser Tall Boys. And since a handful of managers are currently employees at Fuse, they brought along the Fuse blogger to track the event and write up his evaluation on the Fuse website. You can read his comments here.
As for my team, Boomer's Leather (if needed, explaination for the name here), here's who I got:
1. Edgerrin James (RB)
2. Steve Smith (WR)
3. Chris Chambers (WR)
4. Kevin Jones (RB)
5. Santana Moss (WR)
6. Marc Bulger (QB)
7. Corey Dillon (RB)
8. Drew Bennett (WR)
9. Chicago (Def)
10. Trent Green (QB)
11. Kellen Winslow (TE)
12. Sammi Parker (WR)
13. Mike Bell (RB)
14. Alex Smith (TE)
15. Lawrence Tynes (K)
I think the B- grade is about right. 6th pick out of 10 is a terrible position, so I'm not thrilled with Edge. Have good receivers, especially in a league where you start 3 receivers a week, and in fact we had a completely unexpected run of 7-straight WR picks to end the 2nd round. Never seen that before. I have a bunch of guys who should be stars if healthy, so hopefully they will be healthy (and stars). Cause I'd sure like to kick ass in this league.

Wore my amazing new t-shirt today, and reaction ranged from exceedingly positive (from Andre 3000, of all people) to utterly confused ("What's a Mutombo?" asked a 16-year-old girl in the audience). I cannot wait to add it to my regular wardrobe rotation.

It also led a co-worker to send me this story about a dinner with Mutombo, Yao Ming, and Patrick Ewing that puts VH1 Classic's yearly "Matza and Metal" meals to shame.

Two quick music links here:
- Pitchfork's list of the top 200 songs of the 1960's. Lots of Beach Boys, including #1, plus a great choice at #2, and a welcome method of not equating artists' biggest hits with their best songs.
- Here is the classic Monty Python "Knights of the Round Table" song, as done by the characters of Star Trek. Really well done.

And if anyone has an extra single ticket to tonight's Foo Fighters concert at the Beacon, please let me know. Thanks!

Thanks to my co-worker S_____ for getting me this shirt, one of the best birthday presents I've ever received.

For those of you who don't get the reference, here is the story behind it.

And here is the man who said it.

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes yesterday... made turning 27 much more tolerable.

(And yes, for those who forgot, this is my way of putting you on a guilt trip)

Here's a (very) quick tour of Buenos Aires (and Iguazu Falls) in 10 photos or less...


Plaza de Mayo. My hotel is the building directly behind the fountain.


One of many, MANY great statues in the city.


Random street art.


Congresso, their Congress building (duh, I know).


Puerto Iguazu, the sleepy town on the outskirts of Iguazu Falls.


Whose buildings are apparently made of bamboo trees.


Iguazu Falls.


Typical lazy Saturday afternoon in San Talermo Square.


And they like The Simpsons as much as we do.

I know trailer mash-ups are so 6 months ago, but this fake Laguna Beach trailer is really well done.

(MTV, you can send the check straight to my apartment. Thanks)

With the announcement that Randy "Macho Man" Savage will be in the new cast of The Surreal Life (which I've heard will also feature Carrot Top), I'd say it's becoming less and less likely that the producers will follow my advice and invite me to participate. You see, after the conclusion of the first season, I wrote a letter to one of the heads of Alternative Programming at the WB (original network of the show) congratulating him on the success of the series and suggesting that in a future season, they might want to mix things up by throwing a non-celebrity into the mix. And I then listed a bunch of reasons why I would be the perfect candidate to be that non-celebrity. I have yet to receive a response.
I have now begun thinking... if I could pick a cast of The Surreal Life in which I would be a member, who would be in it? I limited it to people who realistically would agree to appear on the show, which eliminated people like David Bowie, Scott Weiland, Angelina Jolie, Conan O'Brien, and Don Mattingly. And this is the list of my six dream castmates:
1) William "The Fridge" Perry: The sports person. He's won a Super Bowl, he has one of the best nicknames in sports history, he's appeared in a celebrity boxing show and a Wrestlemania... oh, and he sang in "The Super Bowl Shuffle."
(Alt - Ickey Woods: Cause he created the Ickey Shuffle. Best. Endzone Dance. Ever!)
2) Mary Carey: The porn-related person. And it'd be nice to have a housemate that I already know and get along with.
(Alt - Natasha Henstridge: Not really porn-related, but oh man, I could watch Species over and over and over. And yet, for some reason I think she's probably too good for the show)
3) Joan Jett: The past-their-prime musician. She's got such an amazing voice, has recorded so many classic songs, and is pretty bad-ass. But seems friendly, too.
(Alt - Natalie Imbruglia: Man, I had such a crush on her when "Torn" came out. Those eyes, and the accent. What is she doing with the singer of Silverchair?)
4) Billy Zabka: The washed-up actor. He played the bad guy in The Karate Kid, Just One of the Guys, and Back To School. Then was never heard from again... until he was randomly nominated for an Oscar for Best Live-Action short back in 2004. And yet he still can't get work today. How could I not invite him?
(Alt - Wil Wheaton: He was in Stand By Me. He was in Toy Soldiers. He started one of the first celebrity blogs. And I could ask him how he prepared to shoot the scene where he pulls a leech off his penis.)
5) Bruce Campbell: The cult hero. Star of the Evil Dead trilogy and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr, among other things. He's hilarious, and probably is loaded with crazy on-set stories from his random B-level career.
(Alt - Robert Englund: Freddy Kruger was always my favorite horror movie character. And he'd probably freak out the other castmates.)
6) Danica McKellar: The 80s-tv-star. The more I think about The Wonder Years, the more I love it. Hopefully the music clearance issues will be resolved soon and we'll finally get the DVD's. Oh, and I can also talk to her about math.
(Alt - Willie Aames / Nicole Eggert: I really wanted to have a star from Charles in Charge. But Willie is now a hard-core Christian and former star of Bibleman, which could get tedious, while Nicole hasn't aged very well)

Big Lebowski fans will find this fucking awesome.

Back in town from Buenos Aires. Photos to come, hopefully tonight. Had an amazing time... great to get away from NYC for a while and just relax. And not spend a lot of money (liters of beer there cost about $3.00, the subway 23 cents).

Speaking of the subway, last night after I'd unpacked I met up with my sister to have dinner. On the ride back (on an uptown 1), I witnessed one of the saddest pick-up attempts I've ever seen. On a nearly-empty train with me were 3 college-aged girls (one of whom was a visitor from Ireland) sitting across from me and a dorky-looking guy seated a few seats down from me. The Irish girl was asking her friends how they live in a city filled with so many good-looking guys, and the girls said that usually it's not so good, but today they happened to find a particularly potent spot. The guy interrupted the girls, saying that he thought he had been on the same subway with them earlier in the day going to a concert downtown (he was right). After briefly discussing the concert, the guy crossed the train to sit next to them. He asked them about their earlier conversation about the good-looking guys, then said "I hope you included me in that grouping." To which the Irish girl responded:
Actually, you're keeping it real for us.
And even though I burst out laughing, the guy did not catch the insult at all and, thinking it was a compliment, continued with his attempt. By that point the most attractive of the three girls had taken herself out of the conversation, focusing on applying make-up, but the other two were trapped. By the time I reached my stop, the guy had lectured the girls on "Tis better to have loved and lost" and explained how he's a "self-proclaimed sweetheart" and was still working his magic when I unfortunately had to depart. Wish I could've seen how it ended.

This site will be on temporary hiatus while I'm on vacation in Buenos Aires.

Back on the air August 14th.

Feel free to browse the archives... hopefully most of the links aren't dead.

TRL Moment of the Week
With Justin Timberlake on the show on Monday, of course we had to ask him about his reaction to the Lance Bass news. But of course we had to handle the situation "delicately." So VJDamien asks JT what he thought, and JT, looking shocked, joked "He's gay?" After sincerely saying he's happy for him, VJDamien asked if he had called Lance since the news broke, and JT admitted he had not. VJDamien exclaimed "Come on, you've got to give him a call... he's gay now!"

We did not reference this old commercial.

And from the TRL Graveyard, our initial plan with JT was this: since in his new song he claims he's bringing sexy back, let's see what else he can bring back. We have a wheel of things that have gone out of style, and JT must spin the wheel and do whatever it lands on to show that he can make it cool again. The items:
- mullet
- hackey sack
- acid-washed jean jacket
- breakdancing
- saying "waaassssssuuuup!!!" (my personal favorite)
Sadly, JT killed it because he didn't want to wear a jean jacket.

Looking for a new hairstyle? Maybe this simulator can help...

Is this website addictive? Way or No Way?
23% = people fooled by this bluf

In honor of today being MTV's 25th birthday, here are some of my favorite MTV memories:
- I first started watching MTV when I was in kindergarten (fall of 1984)... we basically moved a mile down the road from where I was born, into a community that for some reason was a test area for South Florida cable television. Immediately I was hooked.
- My sister and I used to record our favorite videos onto VHS. We had dozens of these tapes lying around the house. One time she got mad at me because I accidentally taped over Corey Hart's "Sunglasses at Night," which she claims they hardly ever play, with Genesis' "Land of Confusion." I have no idea what happened to those tapes.
- Circa 1988, MTV ran a Top 500 Videos of All Time countdown. It was in the middle of my Def Leppardhysteriaa (pun intended... sorry). So I was utterly annoyed that "Pour Some Sugar on Me" came in at #6. U2's "With or Without You" ruled that countdown. Highly questionable choice.
- I was obsessed with Remote Control. Thought it was the greatest game show of all time. Wish I had been old enough at the time to be a contestant. Oh, and one of my cousins became the Remote Control grand champion. He is now a famous screenwriter. Guess being a couch potato pays off.
- I was also obsessed with Just Say Julie. But I think I was the only one.
- I rang up $20 in calls to MTV's 900 number trying to win the Win the Batmobile contest. What a great prize: actual car from the 1989 movie, filled with cash. I didn't win, and my parents were not thrilled to get the bill.
- The first episode of The Real World I ever saw was the Seattle episode in which Stephen slapped Lyme-Diseased Irene. Reality television at its best.
- When I interviewed for my summer internship in MTV's Series Development department, one of the questions I was asked was "What do you think of Sifl and Olly?" I hated that stupid puppet show, and against my bettjudgmentent, I told her so. I guess she liked my honesty (or my moxie), because I got the job. And so began my tenure here.
- MTV2 used to be only available inside the building and on special satellite systems. When it launched on cable in January 2000, they played every video ever made (all 19,000 at the time) in their entirety in alphabetical order by song title. It took them 4 months. And I missed all but the first four days because I left to study abroad in Scotland. I'm not sure why that bothered me so much.
- This was the countdown for my very first TRL show:
10. No Doubt "It's My Life"
9. B2K "Badaboom
8. Kelis "Milkshake"
7. Good Charlotte "Hold On"
6. JC Chasez "Some Girls (Dance with Women)
5. Clay Aiken "Invisible"
4. Britney Spears f/ Madonna "Me Against the Music"
3. Beyonce "Me Myself and I"
2. G-Unit "Them Thangs"
1. Blink 182 "Feeling This"
Mandy Moore was the guest, and we also premiered FeFe Dobson's video "Everything." I have since worked on 566 episodes. And the countdowns are still just as crappy.

Anyway, happy birthday MTV.

I recently realized that this summer marks the 10th anniversary of my rope bracelet. Yes, for the past 10 years this thing has not left my wrist. It's probably infested with disease... but then again, it does go in the shower with me, so gets all soaped up. Either way I refuse to remove it... it'll only come off when it actually falls off (which, considering it's made out of rock-climbing rope, seems highly unlikely to happen).
Where did it come from? I got it during a 5-week backpacking trip in Alaska the summer after my junior year of high school. Me, 12 other teens (eventually knocked down to 10 when 2 were busted smoking pot), and 2 adult guides. We were all given these rope bracelets and asked to tie a knot in it to signify a goal we had for the summer. I have no recollection of what my goal for the summer was... probably something lame, along the lines of "make great friends and have fun." I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts* that I'm the only one still wearing the bracelet... but, since I've lost touch with everyone else, I can't say for sure.
Why won't I take it off? I don't know, exactly. I somehow got it into my mind that I wouldn't, and I haven't. Part of my Peter-Pan Syndrome? It's gotten me into some arguments when people feel it's inappropriate to wear (at a black-tie wedding, in a high-school play), but I've persevered. Maybe when (if) I have a son, I'll cut it off and give it to him. He'll probably be like "what the fuck?" Or maybe he'll think it's cool. Time will tell.

* Note: I have no idea what that expression means. But it was used in an episode of The Simpsons, so it has become part of my vernacular.

2 Gross
Thanks to Gawker for pointing out this website, where a mere $33 can get you a shit (er, "fecal matter") sample from David Lee Roth. The only thing stranger than the concept is the roster. Never before have Norman Mailer, Gary Busey, and Def Leppard's one-armed drummer been in the same place at the same time. And props to them for at one point having DNA from the least-famous Goonie.

And thanks to co-worker J__ for sending me this link, with before and after photos of a face-transplant patient. He has an odd resemblance to the acid-attack victim who wanders the NYC subway system.

If there was any lingering doubts about my on-and-off Hilary Duff crush, this puts an end to it for all time.

I'm fairly certain that the Simpsons movie will be a trainwreck. These two rough scenes, shown at Comic-Con, don't do much to make me think otherwise.
- Clip 1
- Clip 2

The feud between Owen Wilson and Steely Dan might be the stupidest in the history of celebrity beef. But this letter is pretty damn funny.

I recently received an e-mail for a weekend retreat called Back To Camp, which asks alumni of various (and from what I can tell all Jewish) sleepaway camps. As a kid I attended 4 summer camps over 7 years (1 at Eagle Cove, then 2 each at Wekeela*, Akiba, and Canadensis), and was never thrilled about any of the experiences. And yet I kept getting sent back. I guess my parents really needed some alone-time during the summer. You'd think they would've gotten the hint when, one year at my goodbye dinner the night before I was shipped out, I computed how many seconds until I would next see them (yes, I was also sort of a math geek at the time).
I haven't kept in touch with friends I met at camp. I had no interest in becoming a counselor. So I don't see myself attending this event. But if you did go to any of these camps and want to reconnect, knock yourself out.

* One day when I was pretending to be sick so I could stay home from school, I was flipping through a Peterson's Guide to Summer camps. When I turned to the section on Wekeela, I found a picture of my 9-year-old self fishing off a pier, wearing a huge mesh baseball cap and Jams (the lame 80s version with big stupid plaid patterns all over them). I don't remember the camp ever asking my permission to use the photo… or giving my any money for it...

Out of this list of the 50 films to see before you die, I've watched 35 of 'em.

Of course it is a British list, which is why many of the choices seem ludicrous.

Update: Interestingly, out of AFI's list of the 100 greatest American films of all time, I've seen 99; the only one left is A Place in the Sun. This was accomplished through a combination of taking film classes in college, working at Blockbuster video for a summer, and being a hard-core couch potato. I could probably use some more friends.

Wow, CNBC must be really big fans of Entourage to put this in one of their reports. Or they must be really idiots. I'm leaning towards the latter.

Complete Nonsense
There's an article in Sports Illustrated listing the 10 most unbreakable records in baseball. #1 on the list: Cal Ripken's consecutive games streak. I had originally pegged Cy Young's 511 wins as the most unbreakable, but now realize it's got to be Young's 749 complete games. How can anybody touch that? Last season the pitchers with the most complete games were Chris Carpenter and Dontrelle Willis, with 7 each. At that rate, they'd have to pitch for well over 100 years to reach the mark, and somehow I don't see that happening. The year before, Ben Sheets and Mark Mulder led the league with 5 apiece. Clemens and Maddox are the only 2 active pitchers with more than 100 complete games. Hell, most pitchers don't start 749 games in their career, let alone pitch all 9 innings. Let's look at some of the best, longest-lasting current pitchers. Clemens: 671 starts as of the end of last season. Maddox: 639. Randy Johnson: 513. Looking back, even Nolan Ryan, who pitched FOREVER, only started 773, ending with 222 complete games.
Other records are within the realm of possibility. Can someone stay healthy for 16 full seasons and never miss a game? It's unlikely, but possible. 3 consecutive no-hitters? Also not likely, but with the right amount of skill and luck, it could happen. Same with the 56-game hit streak or the .400 season (which have come close to being broken). No matter how much luck or skill is involved, nobody will ever come close to breaking the CG record.

TRL Moment of the Week - Freshly Buried in the TRL Graveyard
Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson dropped by yesterday to promote My Super Ex-Girlfriend. The following two stunt ideas were e-mailed to my boss, independent of each other, one by me and one by the other writer (I won't say which one is his and which one is mine... but you should be able to guess). Both were shot down.

My Super's Ex-Girlfriend
-We have kids who live in apartments bring in their super, along with his ex-girlfriend. (Or Luke and Uma track down their supers and ex-girlfriends.) Not sure where we go from there.

My Soup or Ex-Girlfriend?
-We give guys a choice: get back together with your ex-girlfriend, or we'll give you this bowl of soup. First, the girl pleads her case of why she's better than a bowl of soup. Then, Uma and Luke weigh in with their opinions. What will the guy choose? Stay tuned!!!

Silent Bob Has an Acid Tongue
I have a feeling that if Kevin Smith and Joel Siegel ever got into an actual fistfight, it would be pretty wussy. But Siegel takes a savage verbal beating by Smith on the Opie & Anthony show. So for all you people who go see Clerks 2 this weekend and decide to walk out, just make sure not to yell profanities as you leave.

Rick Moranis was gonna play the janitor in The Breakfast Club? Cameron Diaz was hired to play Sonia in Mortal Kombat? Kevin Costner would've been the lead in WarGames? All this and more according to this site...

Last night I went to see Sid N Susie (a.k.a. Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs) at Bowery Ballroom. They were performing songs from Under the Covers, Vol. 1. This is their first album together since their work as Ming Tea in the Austin Powers films. Sure enough, what happened? The Sid N Susie concert turned into a short-lived Ming Tea reunion, as Mike Myers came out to perform "BBC" during the encore. He's the one in the white shirt (don't worry… he's not as blurry in person). The much-less-than-capacity crowd went nuts.
The rest of the concert was underwhelming. I'm not sure what even made me go… covers generally bug me, but that Susanna (er, Susie) is just so gosh-darn cute. Anyway, they proved that the originals were much better than their versions. Plus Susanna (er, Susie) kept forgetting words, which she blamed on just having performed for a week with the Bangles and only having 1 night to rehearse for this show. I didn't mind when she screwed up… she's just so gosh-darn cute. Matthew Sweet (er, Sid), on the other hand, looks like he ate the other Bangles. But at least he proved to be a competent, and prepared, musician. In addition to covers from The Beatles, Neil Young, The Bee-Gees, the Zombies, and The Who ("The Kids Are Alright" was the best song of the night, even though Susanna… er, Susie… messed up the beginning and wanted to start over but got overruled by the others), we were treated to "Manic Monday" and "Girlfriend."
If you're interested at all, they're performing on Conan tonight. Although I doubt Myers will pop in.

I just received an e-mail from an unknown sender. Usually I just delete stuff like that, but the subject line, "woigy," intruiged me. So I opened it. Here are the contents of the e-mail, in its entirety:
It seemed that Bilbo was not going to be eaten after all. The wizard and the eagle-lord appeared to know one another slightly, and even to be on friendly terms. As a matter of fact Gandalf, who had often been in
Now I'm not really a Lord of the Rings fan, but my curiousity has been piqued. What happens next, mysterious author?

Please keep this guy the hell away from me...

TRL Moment of the Week
On Monday, day 1 of Backstage Pass Week, we had a phone interview with Teddy Geiger. Damien asked him if has any pre-show rituals, and Teddy said that he gathers his band together and chants a word or phrase. Damien asks him what the word is, and Teddy says that it changes every time, that it's the first thing that pops into his head. Obviously Damien follows up by asking what the word would be right now, and was rewarded with this exchange.
Teddy: I don't know. Now?
Damien: Yeah, right now.
Teddy: I'm not sure. Um…um-um-um-um...
Damien: Come on Teddy, you're killing me.
Teddy: Well, it could be… lampshade.
Damien: Lampshade?
Teddy: It could be… um… forearm.
Damien: Yeah, could be.
Teddy: It could be necktie.
Damien: Sure, it could be.
Way to think on your toes, Teddy boy. You are the epitome of rock & roll.

HollaBach Girl
Why am I just now hearing about Sebastian Bach covering Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" on Gilmour Girls? And is there anything he won't stoop to these days?

All-Tard Move
The more I think about it, the more annoyed I am that Bud Selig wants to institute a policy in which pitchers selected to the All-Star Game must be available to pitch for that game, meaning they cannot pitch for their team the game before the All-Star break (it's in this article, about halfway down. Why should the All-Star Game be given more importance than games that could determine whether a team makes the playoffs? It's a fucking exhibition! Watch the players during the game… they're not playing their hardest, they're having fun, joking around, enjoying the spotlight. Yes, they'd like to win, but this is more of a celebration than a hardcore sporting event. Hell, there were 24 pitchers on the roster available to pitch, and only 15 actually played. Was there a single fan actually upset that Glavine and Contreras wouldn't be able to play? Anyone who was tuning in or buying tickets specifically to see them? And can you imagine the uproar from fans if a team misses the playoffs by 1/2 a game because they were forced to bench their ace for one game? It's bad enough that this game determines home-field advantage for the World Series, as opposed to performance during the season. Selig needs to realize that even though he's commissioner, he is not the most important part of the game. Leave things alone.

Good luck getting any actual work done once you've started playing this game. Since their aren't really any instructions, basically you have to catch the wad of paper the other guy throws by moving your arm and clicking your mouse, then throw the wad into the garbage pail by whipping your arm and clicking your mouse.
It takes a very long time to get the hang of it.

Happy Jack (er, Brian)

After reading an article about happiness in this week's New York magazine, I decided to take the online Authentic Happiness Inventory test this morning. Above is how I scored. Apparently I am almost exactly as happy as the rest of the world, or at least of people exactly like me. I expected to score higher than a 3.0. I seem happier than that. Is it possible that I don't know what true happiness is? Myabe I'm missing out on moments of extreme bliss. Maybe I should buy more lotto tickets.

Note: I'm sure that my happiness score plummeted to about a 2.4 an hour after I took the test, when I watched footage of Paris Hilton in the recording studio, laying down vocals for a song called "Fight Over Me" with the following lyrics:
Everytime I turn around, the boys fighting over me
Everytime I step out the house, they wanna fi-ight over me
Maybe cause I'm hot to death and I'm so so so sexy
All the boys, all the silly boys, they wanna fi-ight over me

Sad news about Syd Barrett. He did leave behind a legacy of great music. And this video of him documenting an acid trip.

I can't help but feel partially responsible for this, as I recently mentioned that I would love to see Pink Floyd reunite with him. Let's hope Slash and Duff look both ways before crossing the street.

Thom Yorke appears and performs on this week's Henry Rollins Show on IFC. You can watch one of the two songs here.

Also, I think this may be my favorite music video of 2006 so far (note I said video, not song). Such a simple concept, but it's brilliant.

Why is it that everytime I say I will never watch another episode of the U.S. version of The Office, they do something to make me watch just one more? The latest is that some cast members of the brilliant British version will guest-star on an episode next season. I don't know why the U.S. version would agree to this... it'll just show everyone how inferior it is to the original.