Thursday, September 30, 2004

Office fans, catch an advance screening of the Christmas special, followed by a Q&A with Ricky Gervais. I've already got my tix...

Last month when I was moving, I came across this letter that I stole my first day working at Troma:

November 23, 2001

Bakhtar Cinema

To Whom It May Concern:

Greetings from Tromaville and Happy Ramadan!

Congratulations on kicking out the Taliban and once again letting the fertile flowers of art bloom once again in your country. We are delighted to hear that your movie theater has re-opened for business in Afghanistan. In the spirit of freedom and independence, we would like to be the first American film studio to offer you our fine entertainment for your theater. Troma Entertainment has been making independent movies for nearly 30 years. Our studio is America's oldest independent film studio.

Please find enclosed a complete catalogue of Troma's 900+ movies. Our library of films now includes the Roan Archive, a collection of classic Hollywood films. We have included in this shipment DVD samples of Troma's Roan Archive and our regular catalogue, including:

1) Happy Go Lovely: a great big musical rainbow of love and laughs!
2) Angel & the Badman: starring the greatest American Cowboy, John Wayne.
3) The Three Musketeers: one of the greatest classic films of our time, John Wayne and his co-stars struggle to survive in the deserts of Araby.
4) Ghost Ship: an action-packed family film about a lost treasure in the desert with camels.
5) The Toxic Avenger: starring the original Troma superhero, TOXIE!

If you would like additional information about booking any of our films at your theater, please feel free to contact us by phone, fax, or visit our website: www.

Very Truly Yours,
By: Lloyd Kaufman, President

I should've quit then and there, but instead wasted 11 months of my life at that insane-asylum-posing-as-a-film-studio.

Oh, and obviously we received no reply.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

R.I.P. (But Don't Ask Me To Be a Pallbearer)
Izora Rhodes Armstead, half of the Weather Girls, passed away of a heart attack. This article says that "her age was unknown," but it should've said her weight was unknown. I can only hope that her death will also mean the death of "It's Raining Men," one of the most annoying songs ever written... although knowing VH1 Classic, I know I'm gonna have to deal with them playing the song every hour on the hour for the next few days...

What a year it's been for Jimmy the Cab Driver... first he runs the Boston Marathon, now he's got his own MoveOn ad. Talk about a comeback!

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

The new and improved Sticking Point is up and running. Check it out, won't you?

It Rubs the Lotion on Its Skin
A musical tribute to Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. The song is genius, the video is genius... this just totally made my day!

- Eve, talking backstage to Ludacris yesterday, describing her upcoming film, The Woodsman: "It's creepy... a lot like Signs."
- IMDB's plot outline of The Woodsman: "A pedophile returns to his hometown after 12 years in prison and attempts to start a new life."
- IMDB's plot outline of Signs: "A family living on a farm finds mysterious crop circles in their fields which suggests something more frightening to come."
Yup, they sure sound a lot alike to me.

Monday, September 27, 2004

T-minus 10 hours, 9 minutes until Smile comes out... and based on this Rolling Stone review, I most certainly will be smiling.
(Also t-minus 366 hours, 9 minutes until the show at Carnegie Hall, where I'll be doing more than smiling from my 5th-row seat.)

The trailer for Seed of Chucky (a.k.a. Child's Play 5) has the greatest tagline in the history of cinema:
This November, get a load of Chucky.
(Get it? A load of Chucky? Like, a load of his sperm? Get it? Cause it's Chucky's seed... like, a load of his seed... it's a pun! Get it?)

Rufus Wainwright has sunk to a new low... this afternoon he is playing The Lodge (a.k.a. the Viacom cafeteria). Maybe it's so he can pick up some "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk" (well, not the cigarettes part).

Saturday, September 25, 2004

TRL Moment of the Week (Tie)
1) Christina Aguilera, interviewing a Christian teenage couple who have vowed to remain virgins until marriage, incredulously asking, "So no dry-humping?"
2) A speechless, terrified Katie Holmes talking to a fan brought up from outside who over the past 3 1/2 years had made a 200-page scrapbook filled with every article ever written about Katie. When Katie politely turns down the scrapbook, the girl wails, "But I made it for you!"

Friday, September 24, 2004

The video for Judas Priest's "Hot Rockin'" is on VH1 Classic right now. Rob Halford must have pitched the idea: the band is naked in a shower. And people were surprised when he came out of the closet?

The title of this Amazon list, Unfortunately Named Authors, says it all. My favorite is Tom Tit.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

If you haven't gotten the sense over the past 10 months of my posts that a lot of the people in my building are complete fucking morons, here's 2 more pieces of evidence:
1) In an elevator, and a guy is listening to his iPod. He is changing songs using his remote. A woman in the elevator sees the remote and says, "Wow! That's the smallest iPod I've ever seen!"
2) Coming back from the bank, I see a college-age girl being ushered out of the lobby by security. She's wearing a giant sandwich board which says "Please hire me!" on the front and "I'm hard-working, I'm a fast learner..." etc. on the back. She's pleading with the security guard to let her stay, but he says "We can't have you in here."

Smoking by pregnant mothers may be bad for unborn babies, but it's nothing compared to the noise from jackhammers.

Big up to da New York Times for representin' da Jews in Major League Baseball. Checkit!

MTV names Janet Jackson as its first Icon back in 2001, while this year MTV UK gives its first honor to The Cure. Makes me wish I was back in Glasgow.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Went to Snitch last night with MTV VJ Damien, TRL's senior writer, and Pierre from Simple Plan. Rumor had it that Green Day might stop by to do an acoustic set after their gig at Irving Plaza, but alas, it was not meant to be. Snitch is quite bizarre: DJ plays non-stop rock, girls in bikinis dance on top of tables, male customers wear nothing but black, VH1 Classic plays silently on screens all over the walls... you have to see it to fully comprehend it. Damien and I agreed that the place is thisclose to being a great hangout, but we couldn't figure out what exactly was missing to push it over the edge. Perhaps the presence of a Mick Mars or a Steve Perry hidden in a back booth...

Racist Link of the Day
Ah, those crazy Japanese with their funny translations.

Why do subway conductors make announcements saying that "there's a train directly behind this one" when it gets too crowded? Obviously there is, MTA geniuses... the trains are on the same track. That doesn't change the fact that the next train is actually 7 stations away...

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Today is a very special Choose or Lose edition of TRL... 60 minutes of the finest MTV News talent discussing youth voting. During this morning's script read-through, we got to the section where each VJ is supposed to give a final thought. Here is what they each came up with during that rehersal:
Sway: "Nah, I'm good."
Gideon Yago: "The Jews control the banks and the media!"
John Norris: "Legalize same-sex marriage!"
I think that just about sums it up.

Another pic from Britney's classy wedding, this time of the classy groomsmen outfits... and really, what's classier than pimps?

Quick Plug
For anyone who lives in New York City, go see my cousin Zak Penn's directorial debut, Incident at Loch Ness. It's playing at the Sunshine theater on Houston.

Monday, September 20, 2004

I have a feeling this backstage account was more entertaining than the actual Emmy telecast... which is sad. Very sad.
(Quick congrats to Arrested Development!)

Knowing Velvet Revolver would be in town, my co-worker and I were set to go to Snitch on Friday night... then I ended up going to Vermont. Now I read that VR played an acoustic set there on Friday night. Argh!
(FYI, I still think Vermont was the better choice...)

The classy Britney Spears sure did have classy bridesmaid dresses for her classy wedding.

Here are some Best and Worst moments from my weekend trip to Vermont:
- Best Ironic Moment: Hearing "Walking on Sunshine" on the radio as I'm navigating through dirt roads at 9pm on Friday night during a torrential downpour and fog so thick it looked like it was made out of cotton candy.
- Best Unintentional Comedy: Passing Gaylord Rehabilitation Center in Connecticut.
- Worst Bathroom Design: Men's room at Burger King at exit 24 of I-91N in CT. The urinal came up to my kneecap. Guys there must either be very short or very well hung.
- Best New Discovery: Biscuits with sausage gravy. This heart-attack-on-a-plate looks like vomit but tastes like heaven.
- Best Way to Spend $65 in the Middle of Nowhere: At The Spa. It gets you 1/2 hour in a hot tub and an hour massage. Try finding that in Manhattan.
- Worst Way to Make New Friends: Arrive at the house without enough gas to get back to the gas station, forcing others to drive me to said station to buy a plastic container and a couple gallons of gas... and having said gas stink up that car, all of the passengers, and eventually the first floor of the house.
- Best Truth in Advertising: A CT radio ad described the cheapest mattresses around: twin set for $99, full set for $199, etc. Their pitch? "Sure, they're mismatched... but who cares? You just cover them with sheets!"
- Worst Moment: Trying to mime "blog" to a room full of drunk and stoned bloggers during a game of "Truth, Dare, or Charades."
- Best Song I'd Never Heard Before and Now Can't Get Out of My Head: "Coin-Operated Boy" by Dresden Dolls. So fucking catchy.
Overall the weekend was a blast, and I can't wait to do it again... if I'm invited back, that is.

Friday, September 17, 2004

Backstage Quote of the Week:
"Man, that dude can't even speak English."
- St. Lunatic Nelly, on why St. Louis Cardinal Albert Pujols doesn't appear on his new albums.

I recently had my first McGriddle, and to my amazement, it was absolutely disgusting. I don't understand it. All the ingredients are great. I love bacon. I love eggs. I love cheese. I love bacon, egg, & cheeses. I love pancakes with maple syrup. How could this creation become the Frankenstein's monster of breakfast foods that it is? Chewing it, you get the sensation that you're eating a tennis ball. McDonald's has let me down.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

R.I.P, Johnny Ramone
Is it too soon to joke that being in the Ramones causes cancer? I bet Sarah Silverman could get away with that line...
By the way, her gig at Ars Nova last night was depressingly unoriginal. Before last night I'd seen her perform maybe 25 minutes of stand-up , and she re-used almost all of that material. Tommy said he saw the same exact show almost 3 years ago. How long does it take her to write new material? Fortunately, Todd Barry opened and did a fantastic job.
(I'm sure you can check Tommy's blog for more on both Johnny's death and Sarah's show)

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Just saw Jason "WAYNE!" Hervey in the lobby of the MTV building. What is he up to lately? Apparently he's producing a series of Doug Savant made-for-TV movies. Good for him.

Yet another reason why I don't want to move to L.A.: no more necrophilia.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

SubTalk: Metropolitan Diary
Early one morning I boarded a 2 train at 72nd St. to head to work. Having bypassed both AMNY and MetroNews, I happened to glance up at a banner with some ridiculous story about a misunderstanding between a blind woman and her seeing-eye dog. It had to be the stupidest, most inane story I have ever read in my life. Other passengers who also wasted 12 precious seconds of their lives reading that crap looked like they were about to vomit in their mouths, just as I practically had. Those passengers and I shared a moment that day, and it felt good to be a New Yorker.

I'm an Inward Inspirational Seeker, and proud of it. You?

Monday, September 13, 2004

Since apparently my second career is as Brian Wilson's unofficial publicist, I can't let his article in Sunday's New York Times go unnoticed...

There's probably no such thing as Sarah Silverman overload, but if it does exist, I'm getting close to it... I spend a huge chunk of the weekend watching Who's the Caboose and the entire series of Pilot Season on Trio, and am going to see her perform at Ars Nova on Wednesday night. If you have a chance to catch any of these, I suggest you do.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Wow, this should be an interesting album.

Speaking of Brian Wilson, Smile is being partially streamed online here. As excited as I am to hear it, I'm waiting to listen to the album in its entirety. 18 days and counting...

Went to the VH1 taping of Soundtracks Live: Sixteen Candles, featuring a huge collection of top comics: Amy Poehler, Will Arnett, Fred Armisen, Michael Showalter, Maya Rudolph, Michael Ian Black, Tina Fey, Paul Rudd, Rachel Dratch... and whoever the guy was who played Molly Ringwald was absolutely brilliant (his reading of "he doesn't even know I exist!" was spot-on). I didn't like the fact that the show was in a larger venue and taped for television (they had to stop the show at one point due to audio difficulties), and I can't imagine how this could possibly play successfully on TV, but it was cool to see so many talented people sharing the stage.

Just saw Dave Mustaine outside the building, surrounded by metalheads panting at the thought of meeting him and getting an autograph. Seemed like a nice, friendly guy. If you haven't seen Metallica: Some Kind of Monster, you should; the scene with him is one of the most moving in the film.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Karma can be a great thing sometimes.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Had my MTV Fantasy Football draft last night, and here's my team:
QB: P. Manning, J. Plummer
RB: J. Lewis, Westbrook, C. Brown, S. Jackson
WR: D. Mason, P. Price, A. Toomer, D. Branch, A. Davis
TE: T. Gonzales, R. McMichael
K: Stover
D: Miami
Overall I'm happy with the team, especially since I had the 9th pick out of 10, which is the worst slot. If Jamal Lewis doesn't miss any time b/c of his trial, he'll be the steal of the draft. Miami D will be solid, but may get tired out being on the field so much (since Miami's offense is worthless). Got Westbrook in the 6th round, which was huge. Wasn't crazy about taking Manning with the 12th overall pick, but he'll be solid. Fingers crossed that this team works out...

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

This NY Times article claims that Clinton's liking of cigars and fast food "had set him up for a heart attack in the near future." In that case, better schedule a quadruple bypass for Monica Lewinsky's vagina, too.

Hey P. Diddy, don't write checks your butt can't cash...

My Own Personal Hell
I've been spending the day watching the Star Wars movies and coming up with triva questions. For example, "how fast did the Millenium Flacon make the Kessel run?" If you know that the answer is "less than 12 parsecs," I don't want you reading my blog anymore.

I should've learned my lesson from Lindsayism, but since two of my favorite subjects here at Last Stop are MTV and retards (porn is up there too), I have to link to this hilarious comparison.

Friday, September 03, 2004

My Christmas (er, Hanukkah) wish list starts with this.

Much better than the actual VMA's was Damien's coverage of the event. Some very funny stuff. All of the clips are available here.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Not that I watch (and DVR) Showtime at at 1:30 in the morning... but the other night I happened to catch this movie Busty Cops, and much to my surprise, a girl I hooked up with is in it. She plays a soft-porn actress (what a stretch) who is interviewed by the Busty Cops during a murder investigation... and ends up having sex with one of the Busty Cops. She's come a long way since I knew her, when she was a Tromette and appeared in Tales from the Crapper... actually, it's not really that far.

Rented the 1932 classic Freaks (the film that gave us "One of us! One of us!") from Netflix... for those of you unfamiliar with it, it's about a travelling troupe of circus freaks, starring actual freaks. One (or two, depending on how you look at her/them) of the freaks is the Hilton sisters, Daisy and Violet, twins conjoined at the hip. This autobiography of them is hilarious... with comments such as "they were notorious for their many affairs and allegedly had a strong desire to outdo one another in the area of dating," and quotes such as Daisy's "We don't mind having people stare at us. We're used to it. We've never known anything else," the article could pass as a description of Paris & Nicky.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Just watched Behind the Music: George Michael. Pretty interesting, although many glaring omissions, most notably the refusal of Andrew Ridgeley to be interviewed (a hole almost as big as the GnR BTM sans Axl and Duff). Also no mention of:
- Ridgeley's drug use, the real reason Wham! broke up.
- the historic Wham! concert in China.
- "I Knew You Were Waiting for Me," Michael's duet with Aretha Franklin and his first single after Wham! broke up.
- the controversy over the "I Want Your Sex" video and the need to tack on a prologue dissing promiscuity.
- Michael's look transforming from sex idol to Ringo Starr-esqe wannabe.
- Michael's album "Songs from the Past Century."
VH1, I know you can do better.