Thursday, November 30, 2006

Sorry I'm posting nothing but links lately... my mind is elsewhere. Nevertheless:
- Here's the beginning of The Big Lebowski as played out by Nintendo Wii.
- More fun at the expense of Michael Richards.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Has anyone not yet seen this recut Seinfeld yet? If not, it's damn funny.

Has anyone not yet seen this parody of Pink Is the New Blog? If not, it's moderately amusing.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

TV Land just announced the 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catchphrases. As with any list, it's missing some big ones. Too many to list, in fact. But here are some, taken from my childhood memories. I'm giving you readers the benefit of the doubt by just listing the quotes and not the shows / characters.

I've fallen… and I can't get up!
Did I do that?
Not the mama!
Don't be ridiculous.
I pity the fool…
Ay-oh! Oh-ay!
Ha, I kill me!
Mikey likes it!
And knowing is half the battle.
No whammy, no whammy, no whammy… stop!
Cut… it… out.
K… I… D… S… Yes!
Take off, hoser.
We just want to pump… you up.

And, of course…

It's pumpkinninny!

Monday, November 27, 2006

As surprising as this may be, it turns out that you can't post just anything on Wikipedia. But fear not... for those entries that don't make it, you can find them at Wikidumper. Good thing it exists... I'd been wondering about Kynoids for years.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

I'm off to Florida for an extended Thanksgiving weekend, so LSTT will be on pause until Monday. Hope you all enjoy your turkey.

Take That, Corey Feldman
The other day, Lindsay posted "The Audition" and called it "the most classic Mr. Show sketch of all." I disagree... my vote is for Genuine Hollywood Factual Report: Josh Fenderman. Judge for yourselves (and ignore the tech problems of the first few seconds of the clip). But really, how can you top that dance?
I'm also surprised that Lindsay isn't a bigger Josh Fenderman fan because, as I recall, she lived in the same building as Feldog for a while.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Pour, Pour Pitiful Me
Went back to the Village Pourhouse, and the Fins victory made them 3-0 since I've started watching games there. Alas, I'm not sure that I'll be able to return. At 1:15pm I ordered some boneless BBQ wings. 40 minutes (and 2 complaints to the waitress) later, my friends and I started placing bets as to whether I'd get my food before halftime. The answer: no. More complaints actually caused my waitress to say, "Argh, I'm so mad at you" and air-strangle me, as if it was my fault that I hadn't gotten my food. Sometime around 2:15, she brings out a plate of spicy bone-in wings. I tell her that's not what I ordered, she took it back, and returned 20 minutes after that with the correct food. Although by that point she had forgotten about my friend's BBQ chicken sandwich, and actually had to be reminded what he had ordered, which means she never placed the order with the kitchen. We left a skimpy $6 tip on a $75 tab, and now I'm not sure I can go back there. I'll be in Florida on Sunday for this week's game, and if the Fins lose, I'll have no choice but to return. Their slim playoff hopes hinge on it!

* Quick note: the highlight of my time there is that one of my friends kept accidentally referring to Chad Johnson as Occo Chinko instead of Ocho Cinco, which in the wrong situation could have landed him in Michael Richards-ish hot water.

I just watched the video of Michael Richards using the "N" word repeatedly at a comedy club, and quite frankly, it is absolutely indefensible. He wasn't doing a bit, he wasn't trying to make a joke or a point... he simply lost his cool at an African-American heckler. I can't imagine how his career will recover from this, nor am I sure it should. Inexcusable behavior.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A co-worker was given a 20Q Music and passed it along to me (since she knows how much I love collecting random crap). The device asks you questions, and based on your answers it's supposed to guess what music-related person, place, or thing you're thinking about. For some reason the gadget isn't working, so I decided to give the online version a test-drive.
"Weird Al" Yankovic was what I had in mind (don't ask me why), and here are the questions and how I answered:
1. It is classified as Person.
2. Are you a group? No.
3. Do you perform Rock? Sometimes.
4. Were you on tour in 2005? No.

5. Do you lead a group? No.
6. Are you from Philadelphia? No.
7. Do you sing? Yes.
8. Do you appear in movies? Yes.
9. Were you popular in the 50's? No.
10. Have you performed live since 2000? Yes.
11. Do you wear makeup? Sometimes.
12. Does your name start with the letter J? No.
13. Are you black? No.
14. Do you have blonde hair? No.
15. Do you wear strange costumes? Sometimes.
16. Are you a lead singer? Yes.
17. Have you had a Top 40 hit in the last 5 years? Yes.
18. I guessed that it was Björk? Wrong.
19. Were you popular in the 60's? No.
20. I guessed that it was Lindsay Lohan? Wrong.
21. Do you perform Pop? Yes.
22. Do you play Alternative music? Sometimes.
23. I guessed that it was Alanis Morissette? Wrong.
24. Were you popular in the 70's? No.
25. Are you from the U.K.? No.
26. Does your name start with the letter C? No.
27. Are you known for your live performances? Doubtful.
28. I guessed that it was Mandy Moore? Wrong.
29. I guessed that it was Paris Hilton? Wrong.
30. I guessed that it was Andrea Corr? Wrong.

Then it gave up and told me I'd won. But a hollow victory it was, given how far off its guesses were. When's the last time someone confused Weird Al for Lindsay Lohan? Or Andrea Corr?

A co-worker just sent me this e-mail, with the subject line Quote of the Day:

"I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can't take that away from me, 'cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can't sing, it's kind of like insulting God."
- Fergie tells Vibe magazine

Doesn't the Bible say that humans are created in the image of God? If that's true, isn't that kind of like insulting God? I mean, look at Fergie's face!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Bird Is the Word
Billy Ripken, you and your "Fuck Face" bat can step aside... there's a new controversial card in town, courtesy of Jets RB Leon Washington. There he is, giving not one, but two middle fingers.
Or is he simply trying to make two W's, as some people are saying?

Two television notes:
1) Did anyone else catch Robot Chicken on Sunday night? They had a parody of The Nightmare Before Christmas called The Nightmare Before Hanukkah. Too bad The Critic did the exact same premise (but better) 12 years ago (sorry, can't find The Critic clip, but it's in there). I know it's not the most original idea, but if it's been done before, let it go.
2) Did anyone else catch last week's Iconoclasts with Quentin Tarantino and Fiona Apple? I'm amazed those two are friends. Fiona hates to talk, and Quentin never ever ever shuts up. And I can't count the times Fiona faked a laugh or feigned enthusiasm at something Quentin was rambling about… was quite entertaining, actually. Almost worth sitting through an hour of his endless jabbering. Almost.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The All-TIME 100 Albums? My ass. Where's Pink Floyd? Appetite for Destruction? Elvis Costello? Odyssey and Oracle? Tommy? Forever Changes? Ten? Marquee Moon?

Like a Virgin
This might be old news in the blogosphere, but I'm just finding it now, so bear with me. Harry Knowles, the purveyor of all things geek, has written a bizarre little rant questioning whether the invincible cheerleader in Heroes (played by Hayden Panettiere) has a rejuvenating hymen.
I'm not sure if that question is creepy or brilliant.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Driven to the Pourhouse
For some reason, I'm a sucker for streaks. As in, streaks that I'm a part of. Maybe I mean routines.* Either way, I fear I'm currently stuck in one.
Last Sunday I went to the Village Pourhouse with two friends to watch NFL games. I was rooting for the Dolphins, R___ was rooting for the Redskins, and B___ for the Lions. All three won. Quite a memorable feat, since those teams had been a combined 4-17 at that point and were playing teams a combined 16-5. I returned yesterday to watch with three different friends... J___ rooting for the Steelers, S___ rooting for the Jets, S___ rooting for the Eagles, and I again rooting for the Fins. Again, all our teams won (And, I should point out, R___ and B___ were both absent, and their teams both lost). I'm telling you, this bar is charmed.
Now I'm thinking that I should watch football there every Sunday to keep the Dolphins' win streak alive. But this leads to several problems, such as:
1) It's not that convenient to get to from my apartment. 2 subways, in fact. And to get there for 1:00 games, I give up some precious sleeping-in time.
2) I end up eating and drinking at least $40 worth of stuff while there. Meaning it would be an expensive enterprise to continue throughout the season.
But I know that if I skip a week and the Dolphins lose, I'll be kicking myself. And really, the Fins have to run the table to even have a chance for the playoffs this season.
Damn my pseudo-OCD personality!

* The best example of this is my NFL suicide pool, where every week you have to pick one team to win. Your team wins and you move onto the next week; if it ties or loses, you're out. And you can only pick each team once per season. Last year my co-worker and I made it to Week 17 before losing, but at least that put us in the money. This year we'd made it to Week 6 with no problem. And every week, I was the one who physically entered the pick. But for Week 7, I was in Orlando for a wedding and without computer access, so my co-worker had to enter the pick. Sure enough, we lost. And I'm convinced it was due to the deviation in our routine.

Over the weekend I came home to find another message on my answering machine intended for Professor Brian Greene. Here it is:
Hello, I was trying to reach Brian Greene, high-energy physicist . My name is _____ and I’m in Oklahoma City. My number is _____. And I’ve derived an equation which involves the divergence of a field that is extremely strong coming from all directions, um, such that a blockage of that field in any way would totally destroy whatever was involved. Um, it has some potential, and I was wanting to run it by you and see if there was a group of people I could run it by. I’ve contacted Professor _____ not knowing that you were at Columbia as well. But just to get this out in a forum, because I’m saying some things that match up the forces, that this one field would explain a heck of a lot what’s going on. It’s not that your work is, uh, irrelevant; it’s just that, it’s subsumed by this field. And I just wanted to get in with a group of acadecmicians… acad… acadecmicians who would be able to discuss it without assuming it was wrong or without my putting it forth as right. I’m just more curious than anything. Um, I have a derivational paper, if you’re interested. Again, my number is _____. Thank you.
So let me get this straight... you want to see if he would be interested in meeting to discuss some crackpot theory that would render all of his years of work inconsequential? Especially with someone with such a poor grasp of vocabulary and sentence structure? No, I don't think he would be interested in that, thank you very much.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Wow, leave it to professional wrestlers and people with Down Syndrome to record the worst songs of all time.
And I warn you, these songs are TERRIBLE... listen at your own risk.

TRL Moment of the Week
Vanessa Hudgens was our special co-host for the day on Monday. Her video "Come Back To Me" had spent a few days on the countdown, but not since October 16th. So we did a stunt with her where her video could "come back to" the countdown if she wanted to replace one of that day's requests with her own video (she ended up replacing Weird Al's "White & Nerdy").
At the end of the show, VJDamien was supposed to say to her that she did a great job and that she can come back anytime to co-host again. During the #1 video, VJDamien was chatting with her and asked her if she did want to come back tomorrow. She replied, "I don't know... Will my video be on the countdown?"
For someone so young and new to the industry, she sure learns quickly.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Some quick music links:

1) Why can I not stop laughing at this Ray Charles? And yes, I know I'm going to hell.

2) The new Johnny Cash video, "God's Gonna Cut You Down," features, well, just about everyone (Johnny Depp, Flea, Adam Levine, Kate Moss, Keith Richards, Sheryl Crow, Iggy Pop, Justin Timberlake, Kris Kristofferson, Brian Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Dennis Hopper, Kanye West, the Dixie Chicks, Jay-Z, Anthony Kiedis, Bono, Chris Martin... I'm sure there's more, but I'm not gonna watch it again to double-check, even though it is really good). Watch it here. And yes, unfortunately you'll have to sit through an ad or two. Stupid

3) Are you Team R.E.M. or Team U2?

Well look what's been found... produced by Sean Beaven and everything.

GnR's camp promised Rolling Stone in the last issue that it would be released this year... maybe my wish is finally coming true.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The good news for New Yorkers (and especially me): Biscuit BBQ has reopened in Brooklyn. Hopefully they'll start doing their monthly "pig pulls" again.

The better news: their new slogan is awesome!

Wild Side
According to ABC News, Christopher Walken will be playing Ozzy Osbourne in the big-screen version of Motley Crue's The Dirt (and Val Kilmer will play David Lee Roth). If the report is true, that is a fascinating choice. Walken is 5 years older than Ozzy, but will be playing a version of him from 20 years ago. That seems to defy all laws of physics. However, if any actor will be able to capture Ozzy's quirks, it has to be Walken.
By the way, if you haven't read The Dirt, I highly suggest you go out and buy it right now. It's no great literary achievement. But man, those guys were animals. I cannot fathom how they will be able to translate much of their story into a film suitable for mass consumption... in fact, watering it down to avoid an NC-17 could be a disaster. If you take away the sex and the drugs, what's left? Here's hoping they can figure this out.

Also, McSweeney's sure has Aaron Sorkin's number.

And finally, who else thinks that Blogger sure does suck lately?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Here's a breaking news story from the AP today: people in New York City can have pot delivered directly to their apartments. Wow, who knew? What, has this douchebag reporter been cryogenically frozen since 1999? What's next on his agenda, Hanson-mania?
Then again, maybe I'm being too harsh. I guess people who don't live in NYC might not know that this occurs. I'm constantly surprised at the number of my friends and acquaintances who have never even been to NYC (not to be immodest, but I didn't grow up in a Podunk, middle-of-nowhere town, so it is slightly suprising). When I went to Orlando for my good friend's (from high school) wedding, I was amazed at how few of them had never visited the city. I was spoiled: my parents grew up here and my sister was born here, and although my family moved to Florida shortly before I was born, my dad still had to come up here for business meetings every 6 weeks or so, and he'd bring us with him once a year. So at a young age I got used to the city and how things work around here.
I suppose that if you're not exposed to this until later in life, it can come as a shock. I remember very clearly when the aforementioned groom came to visit me during the summer of 1999, when I was here interning for MTV. He wandered around with his head tilted upward, awestruck by the size of the buildings and all that the city had to offer (almost to the point of walking into oncoming traffic because he wasn't paying attention to the street). It amazed me that he was so taken aback by the city. I guess it's all a matter of experience.
So basically what I'm trying to say is that I think this story is ridiculously outdated. But maybe I'm wrong.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Top 100 Songs of the 80s (a.k.a. The Post That Fully Reveals Just How Lame I Am and Causes My Readers to Abandon Me)
VH1 recently ran their 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s, and yes, I sat through all 5 hours of it. The list was voted on by their viewers, which probably explains why it's such a train wreck (it's also very surprising for a VH1 countdown like this to be missing big names like Peter Gabriel, Tina Turner, Huey Lewis, and Paul Simon. There's quite an emphasis on one-hit wonders). Therefore, I had to come up with my own list.
A couple of notes about my list that will hopefully explain my choices:
a) These are all songs that made a singles chart either here in the U.S. or in the U.K. Obviously it would be a much different list if I included album tracks and obscure songs, but that's usually how these things are done.
b) No cover songs.
c) This list isn't the Top 100 80s Songs of the 80s, but it does focus on 80s music, which has a very distinct sound. Therefore I don't necessarily think these are the best songs in terms of quality, but my favorites of this type of music (with some exceptions of songs that I truly think are great no matter what decade)
d) I've only written comments for select songs. No real reason, except that I didn't want to make this post too bulky.
e) Arranging the order was terribly tedious and imprecise. There are many songs that could've swapped places with one another. But you get the general gist of it. And I'll stick with the top 5.

100. “Opposites Attract” – Paula Abdul: Only because of the MC Skat Cat section
99. “Wipe Out” –Fat Boys f/ Beach Boys: I say it's not technically a cover, because the original didn't have lyrics. Has there ever been a more bizarre collaboration?
98. “No Myth” – Michael Penn
97. “True Faith” – New Order
96. “Johnny Are You Queer?” – Josie Cotton
95. “Pop Goes the World” – Men Without Hats:
Yes, I like this better than "Safety Dance."
94. “Biko” – Peter Gabriel
93. “You’re the Inspiration” – Chicago
92. “Break My Stride” – Matthew Wilder
91. “Kyrie” – Mr. Mister
90. “Somebody” – Bryan Adams
89. “Self Control” – Laura Branigan
88. “Walking on Sunshine” – Katrina & the Waves
87. “Wouldn’t It Be Good” – Nik Kershaw
86. “When We Was Fab” – George Harrison
85. “When I’m With You” – Sheriff:
I'm a sucker for power ballads.
84. “Oh Sherrie” – Steve Perry: Remember the woman from the video with the saggy breasts and no bra? It's 20 years later... they're probably drooping all the way to the ground by now.
83. “A Little Respect” – Erasure
82. “Open Arms” – Journey
81. “Overkill” – Men at Work:
The acoustic version used on Scrubs is even better than the original, but it doesn't qualify for this list.
80. “Everything She Wants” – Wham!
79. “Your Love” – Outfield:
How does he hit those high notes?
78. “Toy Soldiers” – Martika
77. “The Killing Moon” – Echo & the Bunnymen
76. “And We Danced" – Hooters:
Representing my alma mater, UPenn.
75. “Goodnight Saigon” – Billy Joel
74. “I Can’t Hold Back” – Survivor
73. “Here Comes Your Man” – Pixies
72. “Centerfold” – J. Geils Band
71. “Don’t Shed a Tear” – Paul Carrack
70. “Forever Young” – Alphaville:
The ultimate 80s prom song.
69. “Land of Confusion” – Genesis: The fact that I love this video probably caused this to land much higher than it should have.
68. “Angel Eyes” – Jeff Healey Band: a.k.a. the blind guy who sang in the bar band in Roadhouse.
67. “I Want to Break Free” – Queen
66. “Kickstart My Heart” – Motley Crue
65. “I Wanna Rock” – Twisted Sister
64. “Everything Counts” – Depeche Mode
63. “The Way You Make Me Feel” – Michael Jackson
62. “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” – Elton John
61. “In a Big Country” – Big Country:
Extra points for using your band's name in the song, a popular 80s trend (Wham, Wang Chung).
60. “Danger Zone” – Kenny Loggins
59. “Ashes to Ashes” – David Bowie:
Following the rule that sequels are never as good as the original ("Space Oddity" in this case, which I'm sure you already know), but still a fine tune.
58. “At This Moment” – Billy Vera: Who's having Family Ties flashbacks right now? I am!
57. “Bad” – U2: It was hard to find a chart that this had appeared on. Thank you, Billboard Mainstream Rock Tracks!
56. “Brass in Pocket” – Pretenders
55. “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out” – The Smiths
54. “If You Leave” – Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark
53. “It’s a Sin” – Pet Shop Boys
52. “Hysteria” – Def Leppard
51. “You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)” – Dead or Alive:
Ultragrrrl may think this is the "most gayest song" ever recorded, but so what?
50. “Material Girl” – Madonna
49. “Whisper to a Scream (Birds Fly)” – Icicle Works
48. “Fairytale of New York” – Pogues:
It must be so much fun when this song comes on in a pub in Ireland at like 1:30 in the morning.
47. “In the Air Tonight” – Phil Collins
46. “Punk Rock Girl” – Dead Milkmen
45. “She-Bop” – Cyndi Lauper
44. “We Belong” – Pat Benatar
43. “Fortress Around Your Heart” – Sting
42. “Simply Irresistible” – Robert Palmer:
My favorite of his Big 3 Songs (as in they had videos with the clueless but hot female musicians).
41. “Hey Ladies” – Beastie Boys
40. “It’s Tricky” – Run D.M.C.:
"Walk This Way" was ineligible due to rule b), but I like this better anyway. Great guitar riff.
39. “Boys of Summer” – Don Henley
38. “Head Over Heels” –Go-Go’s:
The ultimate in bubble-gum pop.
37. “New Sensation” – INXS
36. “Everyday Is Like Sunday” – Morrissey
35. “You Give Love a Bad Name” – Bon Jovi:
I'll take this over "Livin' On a Prayer" anyday. When the instruments drop out during the chorus at the end and everyone starts chanting, you can't resist pumping your fist in the air (especially if you're surrounded by Jersey trash).
34. “Paradise City” – Guns N Roses
33. “Running Down a Dream” – Tom Petty
32. “Rosanna” – Toto:
Somehow the ugliest band in rock history landed 2 songs in the top 1/3 of this list. Go figure.
31. “Come Dancing” – Kinks: Ray Davies showed he could still write incredibly clever lyrics 20 years into his career.
30. “U Got the Look” – Prince f/ Sheena Easton: Human League's "Don't You Want Me" is not the best battle-of-the-sexes song of the 80s. This is.
29. “Against All Odds” – Phil Collins
28. “Only You” – Yazoo:
Or is it Yaz?
27. “Alone” – Heart
26. “Never Tear Us Apart” – INXS
25. “Perfect Way” – Scritti Politti:
I'm going to see him in concert on Friday. And he apparently refuses to play this song live. Dang!
24. “Wild Boys” – Duran Duran: The words make no sense, and neither does the video, but that doesn't matter when you have percussion like this.
23. “La Isla Bonita – Madonna
22. “And She Was” – Talking Heads
21. “When Doves Cry” – Prince
20. “Brilliant Disguise” – Bruce Springsteen
19. “Hot for Teacher” – Van Halen:
The rumors of a summer 2007 reunion tour with Diamond Dave are heating up. Sweet!
18. “Heart & Soul” – T’pau
17. “Bad Reputation” – Joan Jett:
Probably helped by the fact that it was the theme song to Freaks and Geeks.
16. “Head Over Heels” – Tears for Fears
15. “Africa” – Toto
14. “Manic Monday” – Bangles
13. “Take on Me” – A-ha:
How does he hit those high notes?
12. “Things Can Only Get Better” – Howard Jones: Sadly they didn't for him... but he had a good run.
11. “Pour Some Sugar on Me” – Def Leppard: One-armed drumming never sounded so good.
10. “Every Breath You Take” – Police

9. “Something About You” – Level 42
8. “Drive” – Cars
7. “Voices Carry” – til Tuesday
6. “The Final Countdown” – Europe: How did this not make VH1's list?
5. “Time After Time” – Cyndi Lauper: Heartbreaking song. But in a good way.
4. “Candy Girl” – New Edition: Has there been a catchier song recorded ever in the history of the world? I defy you to find one.
3. “Obsession” – Animotion: The prototypical 80s song. Huge bass line, huge synths, it builds towards the final chorus and then everything collides at the end. Love it!
2. “Love Song” – Cure: I like my love songs simple. This song is simple. And beautiful.
1. “Sweet Child of Mine” – Guns N Roses: If you didn't see this coming, you don't know me at all.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Three Is a Magic Number
Today, LSTT turns 3 years old. Which means that it's lasted longer than Arrested Development did. What does that say about the world?
Seriously, I'm amazed I've managed to keep this going as long as I have. This is my 1,236th post. That's a lot of writing... although not as much as it would have been had I kept up the pace of my original posts. Looking back at those, this site has certainly evolved, and not necessarily in ways I'm totally happy with. Were my posts angrier back then? Yes, and while they reflected my opinions, they didn't really reflect my personality. But I also think I put more thought and effort into them, rather than going for cheap laughs and funny links like I do now. Sure, I'm still up for a rant or two these days... but they are few and far between. Maybe I just don't have as much to say these days. I hope that's not true... particularly considering I'm a writer by trade.
In the near future I'm gonna try to come full circle and make my posts more like those early ones... hopefully not at the expense of my bringing the funny to all my loyal readers. And I do appreciate the people who visit the site, who comment on the site, who send posts from my site to their friends. Considering the relatively small readership (at least according to Webstat, which I often think underestimates my numbers), this site has a wide reach. Hopefully it will continue to grow.
Now please forgive me for this sappy self-reflection. It happens when you get older. At least that's what old people tell me.

Update: I just looked back at my 1-year anniversary post, and it's eerily similar. But I'm too lazy to rewrite this entry. Not a good start to my promise...

Friday, November 03, 2006

A Horse Is a Horse, Of Course, Of Course (Unless It's Nothing Like a Horse Whatsoever)
This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

Yes, Jerry Seinfeld can't act. Fortunately, his upcoming flick Bee Movie is animated. But the new trailer is not. It is, however, very funny. Check it out here.

TRL Moment of the Week
Tuesday's Halloween show was one of our dreaded Overdrive days, where we have a backstage show running simultaneously online. For one of the segments, we had members of the audience try to conquer their fears. One kid had a fear of lizards, one a fear of spiders, and one a fear of clowns. We brought each of these things into the studio for the kids to confront head-on. For the clown, our segment producer found Wendy the Clown, who may be the worst, most pathetic clown to ever wear make-up. I'm not even kidding... I can't imagine her trying to entertain children at a birthday party. See for yourself here. Sorry, you'll have to sit through a short ad first... then skip ahead to 3:37 (the time counts backwards)

And I just have to point out that this was the week from hell in terms of guests. Every single one backed out of the creative at the last minute. Monday, the All-American Rejects (after promising to strip if their video reached #1 on the countdown) bailed on taking off an article of clothing for each request that wasn't theirs... in fact, the only clothes they took off at all were their shoes. Tuesday, Lady Sovereign was in the midst of a belching contest on the air, but chickened out when her opponent let out a mighty belch and instead simply poured soda all over the studio floor. And Thursday, Kevin Federline refused to do a stunt where we would give him lyrics to Britney's biggest hits and he would have to give the next lines (and easy ones too, such as "My loneliness is killing me, and I must confess, I still believe, ________"), claiming that he doesn't know a single lyric to his wife's songs.
I'm so glad we take the time to prep stunts.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

'Roid Rage
Yesterday, Guillermo Mota was suspended 50 games for violating the policy, effective at the start of the season. In today's New York Times, this article states that they don't release what drug he used or when it happened; it could've been at the start of the season when he pitched for the Cleveland Indians, or towards the end when he was a Met. But the appeals process just ended, which is why the suspension was only recently announced.
So let me get this straight... he gets busted for using drugs, then continues to pitch for a team that came within striking distance of winning a World Series. It's possible he used drugs in May, but could've won a World Series ring before he was punished. And not only that, but the suspension is only for actual games; he can still do winter ball, practice with the team, and play in exhibition games (unlike in the NFL, when players are barred from team facilities). How is that acceptable at all? Baseball's drug policy is a joke. No wonder players continue to get larger, their heads more square, their testicles shriveling. There's nothing to fear here. And I guarantee that even though he'll miss the first 50 games of the season, the new free agent Mota will unquestionably still land a multi-year, multit-million-dollar deal. It makes me sick.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

So the new SoundScan numbers came out today, and Brooke Hogan's debut album, Undiscovered, sold 29,732 copies its first week. Not very good, considering that it was produced by uber-producer Scott Storch, that the first single featured Paul Wall, and that she had a reality show (Hogan Knows Best) devoted almost exclusively to promoting it. Worse, I just checked and discovered that Hulk Hogan's 1995 album Hulk Rules has sold 21,000 copies even though it was basically a children's novelty album with no promotion / music videos / performances behind it.
Seems to me she needs to start working on her mustache and 24-inch pythons.

Can't You Hear Me Knockin'
Anyone wanna hook me up with a ticket to the Rolling Stones at the Beacon tonight, without charging me $1,000? Anyone?