Let Me Explain...
For those of you who read The Borough Standings in the printed issue of this week's Time Out New York, yes, that was me (and the other Fuse writer, Jon Murray, one of the creators of The Fuxedo) who wrote them. But in trying to shorten the first joke (Brooklyn), they basically took out the punchline. I e-mailed the editor to ask them to revise it to the online version, which they did... it can be found here. This version is better, but still not quite right. So since I have this forum at my disposal, here's the joke as we originally submitted it:
A 34-year-old woman who attempted suicide by jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge survived without a scratch on her body. But she did contract syphilis, scabies, and gonorrhea from swimming in the East River.