Bienvenidos al Mi TRL Graveyard
Tomorrow's taping will feature a visit from Hector "El Father" (no, I'd never heard of him before either). In trying to come up with a funny cold open for the show, I pitched this:

(HECTOR IS TALKING TO VJCARLOS IN THE DRESSING ROOM HALLWAY WHEN A STAGE MANAGER COMES UP TO HIM)

STAGE MANAGER
-"EL FATHER," THERE'S A WOMAN IN THE GREEN ROOM WHO SAYS SHE'S HERE WITH YOU

EL FATHER
-WHO IS IT?

STAGE MANAGER
-SHE SAYS HER NAME IS "LA MADRE"

(A MIDDLE-AGED HISPANIC WOMAN COMES OUT OF THE GREEN ROOM)

EL FATHER
-MOM?

LA MADRE
-HECTOR, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
-YOU'RE GOING OUT ON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND YOU LOOK LIKE THAT?
-TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT!
-HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF.
-YOU EVEN HAVE SCHMUTZ ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

(SHE TAKES OUT A KLEENEX, LICKS IT, AND STARTS RUBBING HIS FACE WITH IT)

EL FATHER
-CUT IT OUT MOM
-YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!

At this point the producer and VJ cut me off, saying they could never use anything with the word "schmutz" in it. Oh well, I'm out of here after today anyway.