Monday, January 03, 2005

Over the weekend I saw one of the funniest commercials I've ever seen. On the unintentional comedy scale from 1-10, this ranked around a 57. I haven't been able to find it online, so here is a transcript (and I italicized the best line that they tried oh-so-craftily to sneak in)... although this is no substitute for actually seeing the ad (try to catch it... I saw it on NY1), it's precise, unaltered, and genius.

(Open on a pajama-clad middle-aged man talking directly to the camera from inside his bathroom)
Here's some important information about Muse I forgot to tell you that I think you should know.
Last year I told you nothing worked for me until I tried Muse. But Muse has not been shown to be effective in males who have failed other ED treatments, and Muse has not been shown to work better or faster than other treatments.
I told you that Muse can begin to produce an erection within 10 minutes, but I forgot to tell you that Muse is a medicated pellet placed in the urinary opening using a plastic applicator.
You should avoid certain activities such as driving or other hazardous tasks within an hour of using Muse, because you may feel drowsy or light-headed.
Men with certain heart problems should not use Muse.
Ask your doctor if you are healthy enough for sex before using Muse.

(Man is picking his teeth and straightening his hair during the following voice-over)
Muse should not be used by men who have abnormal penile anatomy, sickle-cell anemia or trait, leukemia, or tumor of the bone marrow. See a doctor immediately if erection lasts 4 hours or more.

(Man places his chin on his fist and strikes a pose during the following voice-over)
Muse should not be used for sex with a pregnant woman without a condom.

(Man places his hands on his hips and strikes another pose during the following voice-over)
Muse does not protect against sexually-transmitted diseases. Side effects can include growing pain.

(Man talks directly to camera again)
Always talk to your doctor about your health concerns and to see if Muse is right for you.

So basically, this is supposed to help your sex-drive by having you force a pill into your peehole that will cause you to fall asleep. I can't wait to order!


Tommy Himself said...

All I can say is: I slept for 11 hours and woke up with a raging sproinger. But then, when I remembered the excruciating pain of shooting the pellet down my urethra with the applicator, I lost my, uh...rigidity.

And passed out again.

Brian said...

If it's that good a cure for insomnia, maybe it's worth it. Well, maybe not.