With the announcement that Randy "Macho Man" Savage will be in the new cast of The Surreal Life (which I've heard will also feature Carrot Top), I'd say it's becoming less and less likely that the producers will follow my advice and invite me to participate. You see, after the conclusion of the first season, I wrote a letter to one of the heads of Alternative Programming at the WB (original network of the show) congratulating him on the success of the series and suggesting that in a future season, they might want to mix things up by throwing a non-celebrity into the mix. And I then listed a bunch of reasons why I would be the perfect candidate to be that non-celebrity. I have yet to receive a response.
I have now begun thinking... if I could pick a cast of The Surreal Life in which I would be a member, who would be in it? I limited it to people who realistically would agree to appear on the show, which eliminated people like David Bowie, Scott Weiland, Angelina Jolie, Conan O'Brien, and Don Mattingly. And this is the list of my six dream castmates:
1) William "The Fridge" Perry: The sports person. He's won a Super Bowl, he has one of the best nicknames in sports history, he's appeared in a celebrity boxing show and a Wrestlemania... oh, and he sang in "The Super Bowl Shuffle."
(Alt - Ickey Woods: Cause he created the Ickey Shuffle. Best. Endzone Dance. Ever!)
2) Mary Carey: The porn-related person. And it'd be nice to have a housemate that I already know and get along with.
(Alt - Natasha Henstridge: Not really porn-related, but oh man, I could watch Species over and over and over. And yet, for some reason I think she's probably too good for the show)
3) Joan Jett: The past-their-prime musician. She's got such an amazing voice, has recorded so many classic songs, and is pretty bad-ass. But seems friendly, too.
(Alt - Natalie Imbruglia: Man, I had such a crush on her when "Torn" came out. Those eyes, and the accent. What is she doing with the singer of Silverchair?)
4) Billy Zabka: The washed-up actor. He played the bad guy in The Karate Kid, Just One of the Guys, and Back To School. Then was never heard from again... until he was randomly nominated for an Oscar for Best Live-Action short back in 2004. And yet he still can't get work today. How could I not invite him?
(Alt - Wil Wheaton: He was in Stand By Me. He was in Toy Soldiers. He started one of the first celebrity blogs. And I could ask him how he prepared to shoot the scene where he pulls a leech off his penis.)
5) Bruce Campbell: The cult hero. Star of the Evil Dead trilogy and The Adventures of Brisco County Jr, among other things. He's hilarious, and probably is loaded with crazy on-set stories from his random B-level career.
(Alt - Robert Englund: Freddy Kruger was always my favorite horror movie character. And he'd probably freak out the other castmates.)
6) Danica McKellar: The 80s-tv-star. The more I think about The Wonder Years, the more I love it. Hopefully the music clearance issues will be resolved soon and we'll finally get the DVD's. Oh, and I can also talk to her about math.
(Alt - Willie Aames / Nicole Eggert: I really wanted to have a star from Charles in Charge. But Willie is now a hard-core Christian and former star of Bibleman, which could get tedious, while Nicole hasn't aged very well)