Monday, July 25, 2005

I'm back from vacation... 6 nights in the Canadian Rockies (4 in Banff & Lake Louise, 2 in Jasper), then 3 nights in Seattle. Did you miss me?

Reasons Why Canadians Suck:
1) They put traffic lights on their highways.
2) They lost my luggage for a day.
3) The CFL. Why can't they play by the same rules as the NFL? No, they have to have a 55-yard line. And scores that in America would be statistically impossible (13-1) or at least improbable (7-4).
4) Their Chinese restaurants inexplicably add the word "balls" to the end of any Sweet & Sour dish. Do "Sweet & Sour Chicken Balls" sound appetizing to anyone?
5) A radio station that bills itself as "Calgary's best rock" plays the new single from Staind.
6) Ads for Lake Louise promote it as "Home of the Grizzly Bear." Is it the only one in the world? And I sure didn't see it.
7) Drivers drive below the speed limit. On one-lane highways. But not all of them… just the cars directly in front of me.
8) Their version is spelled "SportsCentre," it focuses WAY too much on hockey, and replaces WebGems with HON (Highlight of the Night).
9) There are no guardrails on roads or trails where it's possible to plunge thousands of feet to your death.
10) They have a stupid event in Calgary called Stampede. It's like a normal stampede... but it lasts 10 days. And it causes crazy traffic jams.

Reasons Why Canadians Rule:
1) They live in some of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. The bluest lakes, incredible snow-capped mountains, deer walking around… must be seen to understand. I'll try to post pictures tomorrow.


Anonymous said...


Amdaddy said...

your problem my friend, is that you were in alberta

come to the west...

"the west is the best"
-jim morrison