Monday, June 06, 2005

Back in the office after an exhausting 8 nights in Vegas. I apologize for what some people viewed as "boring" updates while I was out there. Back to normal now, with a Vegas edition of Cheers and Jeers:

Cheers to my coworker C____ who, after spilling coffee all over her lap, created my new favorite expletive: “OHMYFUCKYOU!

Jeers to the water in the Hard Rock’s pool. It’s composition is approximately 48% water, 17% urine, 22% sweat, 9% sperm, 4% vomit. When our cameraman would come out of the water, he would have a layer of sludge to peel off his legs. Very classy.

Jeers to TV commercials in Vegas. One for a car dealership contained the following:
(An employee sneaks away from his desk, hides behind a car, and calls his supervisor from his cell phone)
Supervisor: “Good afternoon, John speaking.”
Employee (giggling into phone): “Hello, John Speaking.”
Supervisor: “Um, it’s just John, actually.”
Employee (still giggling): “Sorry, John Actually.”

Cheers to MTV for hiring amazing casting PA’s. This girl went above and beyond when, in a futile attempt to volunteer to get married on our “Fastest Wedding in TV History” show, offered to “do anything for the show… anything.” And she did…

Jeers to the drunk guy at the Hard Rock who walked into the bathroom ahead of me, marched straight into the janitor’s closet, and peed into a mop bucket filled with soapy water. At some point the casino floor will be mopped with piss. Again, very classy.

Cheers to Carmelo Anthony. In a stunt where he had to shoot a basket across the pool, with the basket standing at knee level, he nailed it on the first shot (well, the first shot on-camera… he missed a practice shot by about 4 inches).

Jeers to the Saudi Arabian driver who picked me up from the airport on Saturday night. Very chatty, with not the best grasp of the English language, he kept asking me about the females in Las Vegas. He said that “the women there… they look… what is the word… smart.” No, smart is not the right word. In fact, it’s at the bottom of the list I would use to describe the girls there, right above virginal.


Tommy Himself said...

What word WOULD you use to describe the women of Vegas?

I prefer "sludgy."

Near the bottom of my list: Kyra-Phillips-like.

Anonymous said...

Can I pleeeeeeeeeeease have your job??

Anonymous said...

He surely must have intended "smart" as a synonym for "attractive" like my friend Stacie-Sue would drawl, "Gee, Linda Lou, that's quite a smart pair of tasseled pasties you have on there!"

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