Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Questions About Fantastic Four That Caused Me To Think It Sucked
(Note: Do not read this post if you plan on seeing FF and don't like spoilers... although I strongly recommend you do not see it)
- Von Doom owns a space station and has a private shuttle fly him and the soon-to-become Fantastic Four to it. Where does he launch the shuttle from? Where is his ground control? How was he able to put this mission together in what seemed like a day or 2? Are you even allowed to fly private shuttles into space?
- Jessica Alba plays a friggin' genetic engineer. Seriously?
- During his transformation into The Thing, Ben Grimm somehow loses a finger on each hand. And nobody notices. Why?
- When The Thing is discovered on the Brooklyn Bridge, how did Thing's wife and the rest of the Four all end up at that exact spot at that exact moment?

- Why does The Thing look like he's made of rubber as opposed to rock?
- How does Human Torch afford a Ferrari? And how did he get a license plate that says "TORCH'D" so quickly? I've seen how slowly the NY DMV works...
- If the Human Torch is so hot that his clothes burn off in his normal state and he can pop popcorn with his hand, why doesn't he burn women when he puts his arms around them?
- If Reed Richards is really worth less than a postage stamp, how can he afford a penthouse in a luxury building and fill it with sophisticated scientific equipment?
- The Thing is an idiot... how does he figure out how to use the reverse-radiation machine?
- Why did they steal Ghostbusters' "Don't cross the streams" concept with their "Don't go supernova" until the very end when the only solution is to go supernova?
- During the final battle, Jessica Alba's nose starts to bleed for no reason, then the blood disappears for no reason, and it's never mentioned. Why?

I expected more out of you, director of Barbershop and Taxi. For shame.

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