Velvet Revolver's mini-tour is set... you can bet where I'll be the night of May 26!

I don't see what the problem is... this guy was probably just demonstrating a proper swing.

Johnny Knoxville is a fan of Kids of Widney High too. Doesn't surprise me at all... although I am a bit surprised how much overlap Johnny and I have on other albums.

The news about the death of "Weird Al" Yankovic's parents is sad, and this press release he wrote is even sadder. But that won't stop me from relaying some great jokes Tommy "Sticking Point" e-mailed me about the incident...
"Weird Al" Yankovic’s elderly parents were found dead in their home last weekend, apparently victims of carbon monoxide poisoning. An understandably distraught Yankovic told reporters, “There’s no song I could change the words to to relate the sadness I feel.”
"Weird Al" Yankovic’s elderly parents were found dead in their home last weekend, apparently victims of carbon monoxide poisoning. A distraught Yankovic is expected to respond with a hilarious new version of the Police’s “Every Breath You Take” later this month.
"Weird Al" Yankovic’s elderly parents were found dead in their home last weekend, apparently victims of carbon monoxide poisoning. An understandably distraught Yankovic told reporters, “This is horrible. The only thing that rhymes with ‘monoxide’ is ‘peroxide’. What’s that?! I got nothing.”
The last one is my favorite, but they're all gold.

I saw Ladykillers over the weekend. I've been a big Coen brothers fan for years (and still think Fargo got robbed of Best Picture... English Patient? Come on...), but given the mixed reviews the film has received, I didn't go in with very high expectations. And it's alright... some funny moments, good performance by Tom Hanks, nothing too memorable. What I do appreciate is the fact that the Coens still attempt to make such unique movies in the age of formulas. One of the trailers before Ladykillers was for White Chicks, an updated and reversed Soul Man in which 2 Wayans brothers (not Damon and not Keenan) dress up as missing white female socialites and none of their socialites' friends notice that they are black men in drag except for occasional comments such as "Don't they seem a little different?"... the trailer didn't get a single laugh and looks horribly offensive and cliched. With movies like this being made, I'll watch a moderately disappointing Ladykillers anyday.

Killer quote from the Daily News' review of Britney's tour at the Meadowlands:
The few times she sang flagrantly live, Spears navigated the notes like a person trying to drive a car after downing an entire bottle of Scotch.

Scott Weiland has been cleared to tour. Sweet! I must get tickets to see them when they come to NY... who's with me?

Maybe I should send an e-mail linking to this blog to remind the 40-year-old me how lame the 24-year-old me was.

Ah, those crazy Japanese... this thing makes no sense at all!

Well well well, it seems Mr. Raskin, whose book I so highly praised, is a fan of my blog. The proper grammer and lack of insults in the comment leads to believe one of my friends is playing a joke. If so, bravo... I laughed my ass off. If it's true, I'll be on the lookout for him outside the building... he should be easy to spot, since the photo on the book jacket looks just like Gerardo of "Rico Suave" fame.
P.S. I also wonder if he had run-ins with this reviewer? Or this one?

Couple tidbits I picked up today:
- Jessica Simpson said her seventh-grade teacher asked about continents and she answered: "A, E, I, O, U." She's since learned they're not continents. Not even consonants.
- The student newspaper at the University of Nebraska at Omaha apologized Friday for its April Fools’ section, which school officials said demeaned African-Americans. The paper, the Gateway, had a wraparound edition titled the Ghettoway, with headlines pen names for writers like Mindjo Bidness and Ono Udidn.

For some reason a few months ago, tons of copies of the book "Little New York Bastard" by M. Dylan Raskin ("MDR" to friends) showed up scattered around the MTV building. I took a copy home and promptly forgot about it. Over the weekend I finally cracked it open, and I must say that it is the WORST book I have ever read. It escapes me how this book was ever published. It's nothing but a collection of cliches, whining, and pretentiousness (kind of like this blog). Here's a sample:
"I was looking at her like she was completely out of her head. She used the words like and whatever as if they were going out of style..." (pg. 20)
Original, huh? The whole book is like that (at least until the middle of chapter 3, which is where I gave up). I'm calling for a boycott of this book. Do not... I repeat, DO NOT buy / read / recommend this book!

I was hoping that this was a cruel, delayed April Fool's joke, especially when I read this part:
"Don't be fooled by the rocks. Mama Guadalupe, she's still the Mama From the Block," quipped the pal. But I don't think it is. How does shit like this happen? And I hate how she credits divine intervention... "Our Lady really looks out for me." She's so full of herself. Damn that entire family.

By the way, Happy 10th Anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death! I was in 9th grade when it happened, and the next day my English teacher started class with this joke:
"What does Kurt Cobain use to collect his thoughts? A Squeegee!"
Brilliant, Mr. Harrington. Brilliant.

Today was the due date for the latest installment of the mix project with Tommy Sticking Point... topic: Songs with Animals in Their Titles. Here's my track list, with assorted liner notes:

1. Hungry Like the Wolf – Duran Duran: Let’s get the most obvious selection out of the way first...
2. Diamond Dogs - Beck: Not as good as the remake, but I can’t put Bowie on every one of these mixes… or can I?
3. Mockingbird Girl – Scott Weiland
4. The Eagle Will Rise Again – Alan Parsons Project
5. Dog & Butterfly (acoustic) - Heart: I was gonna put “Barracuda” on here, then remembered this song and decided to go less mainstream.
6. Cows with Guns - Dana Lyons: Buzz 103.1 (West Palm Beach’s alternative station) used to play this on the Morning Buzz when I was a junior in high school. I have no idea why, and I’ve never heard it played anywhere else since, but I downloaded it from Napster when I was in college and held onto it. It comes in handy here. The lyrics are really cheesy but kinda clever.
7. Danger Bird – Neil Young: He played this at the concert I went to a couple weeks ago and inspired me to put it on the mix.
8. Fever Dog - Stillwater: A fictional song from a fictional band in a fictional movie (based on true events), yet I bet if you played this for someone who had no idea, they would believe it was a real 70’s song. I have no idea who actually sings it.
9. Buffalo Stance – Neneh Cherry: My sister was obsessed with this song when we were kids, and I was obsessed with the video, a precursor to the more-famous “Groove is in the Heart.”
10. Insects – The Kids of Widney High: Yes, I’m a bastard for liking this music because it cracks me up. But I can’t help it. Just listen to the lyrics and to the singer’s passion during the bridge.
11. Froggie – Presidents of the United States of America: Shortly after this album was released, there was an article in the Sun Sentinel (my local paper) talking about artists’ sophomore slumps and how this album had only sold a fraction of the first one. I remember getting upset that the article failed to mention that the album had been out only one week. It ended up not selling much more, and PUSA faded into obscurity. Thanks, Sun Sentinel.
12. Howard the Duck – The Bangles: The movie was awful. The theme song includes the line “Hickory, dickory, duck.” How could I not put it on here?
13. Surfin’ Bird – The Trashmen: My mom had a Dr. Demento tape with this song and used to play it to amuse me in the car when I was younger. I guess it worked.
14. Dark Horse – George Harrison
15. Sheep Go to Heaven - Cake: Another example of a band that I generally think is awful that puts out one good song (see also Counting Crows, Harvey Danger).
16. Atomic Dog – George Clinton: This song made Snoop Dogg’s career.
17. Brass Monkey – Beastie Boys: Supposedly they refuse to sing this one in concert now because it degrades women. I still like the Beastie Boys, but they used to be much more fun.
18. Of Wolf and Man – Metallica (w/ San Francisco Orchestra)

GnR's Greatest Hits entered the Billboard chart at #3 this week. Congrats to them. The success of that album, coupled with the press release Axl issued after cancelling their Rock in Rio appearance, leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, Chinese Democracy will be released. Interesting that the 2 most famous unreleased albums of all time (that and Smile) will probably both be released this year. Which one will come out first? My money is on Smile. Come on, Brian and Axl, don't let me down.

People have been talking about this AmEx short film with Jerry Seinfeld, and I'm happy to say it lives up to the hype.

Had to go to a screening of Soul Plane this morning... and, believe it or not, IT SUCKED! BIG TIME! And, to add insult to injury, the screening room was filled with these meatheads working for MGM talking to each other across the room:
-Yo, where we going to lunch?
-Anywhere but a steakhouse.
-How 'bout Italian?
-No can do... no carbs.
-Why not?
-Diet.
-Atkins?
-South Beach.
-Why do you need to diet?
-Goin' to Vegas, baby! Need to get buff.
-I've never heard anyone say they need to get buff for Vegas. What you doing there?
-Dude, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. All I can say is there's a pole with my name on it.
Bunch of assholes.

I stand corrected... the Collector's Edition of Freaks and Geeks contains 2 extra discs, not 1... the one in stores only has 6 discs. All the more reason to spend the extra money...

On Saturday my Special Edition Freaks and Geeks DVD Set arrived in the mail, and I have to say, it is the coolest DVD package I've ever seen! It's a yearbook with about 30 pages of content... then the last few pages contain the DVD's. There are 8 disks, as opposed to 7 in the regular edition... the 8th contains additional deleted scenes, table reads, audition footage, etc. Can't wait to start watching! I hope this sells well so that they can do the same thing for Undeclared. Go out and buy it... NOW!

British magazine Q is having a contest where people submit questions to ask Slash during an upcoming interview... if your question is picked, you win 25 quid (about $45). Here are the questions I submitted:
-When's the last time you went out in public without your sunglasses and hat?
-Is your name a noun or a verb?
-How big is your snake?
-You played at the Michael Jackson anniversary show where they blurred out his face. What were they covering up?
-When's the last time you went to the beach? And is your bathing suit made out of leather like the rest of your wardrobe?
-Have you ever made out with Axl?
-What's the one guitar riff you wish you'd written?
-With the success of musicals featuring music by Queen, Abba, Billy Joel, etc., there's now talk of a Wham! musical. What are your thoughts about that? Any chance of a GnR musical?
-You appeared in the cartoon Kid Notorious. What are some of your favorite cartoons besides that one?
I hope at least one of those is worth money.

Saturday night (Sunday morning) on the subway, a homeless woman comes through the train asking people for food and/or money. I'm listening to my iPod, so I can't hear exactly what is said, but she angrily turns to a group of people and says "Who said that? You don't know me. Don't talk shit about someone you don't know. I'm no different from the rest of you." Well, yeah, except that you're the only one asking people for food and/or money.
You make think I have a bad attitude towards the homeless, but excuse me if they've made me jaded... case in point, I transfer to another subway to find a homeless man asking for food and/or money. Everyone turns him down except for one couple... the man opens his wallet and apparently only finds big bills, so the girl opens her purse and gives the guy 3 singles. The homeless man adds it to his stack of 1 single, counts it, then asks if they have another couple bucks so he can buy (something unintelligible). The couple says that's all they can give, sorry, and the homeless man starts cursing them out, saying "That's bullshit! I know you got more money!" No good deed goes unpunished... and I only give money to really good subway performers.

For those Democratic viewers out there concerned by yesterday's show featuring "Reggie" the Republican Voter Registration truck, fear not... I assume that the crowd chanting "four more years" was referring to TRL, not Bush/Cheney.

The new issue of Rolling Stone lists the 50 greatest rock artists ("the Immortals"). Beatles are #1, surprise surprise. What is a (very pleasant) surprise is that The Beach Boys came in at #12, above Led Zepplin, The Who, U2, Michael Jackson, and many others. Bravo, RS, bravo.

My friend Jared just sent me this link... now I'm gonna go kill myself.

I showed this to a co-worker who is possibly a bigger 80's fan than I am... her reaction: "OH NO HE DIDN'T!"

These dolls are great, but anyone who pays $300+ for them is a damn fool.

"Off the Hook" update:
I don't know what's going on... today La La described yesterday's Usher performance as "bananas"... she's obviously lost her mind. Thus ends the "Off the Hook" counter.
Vanessa, on the other hand, called herself "retarded" on the air for the second time in three days. She keeps getting yelled at, but it's probably... retarded people don't watch TRL anyway, and if they do, they can't operate the remote if they get pissed off and want to change the channel.

Yesterday's "Off the Hook" tally:
Tuesday's count: 4 (including 2 in consecutive sentences)
Total for the week: 7
She is surprisingly behind her average... I thought she'd go nuts with Usher, Luda, and Lil' Jon on yesterday. I'm sure she'll find a way to catch up.

Sad that Michael Jackson has sunk so low that reading this news doesn't even phase me anymore. Hot Rod is a great title, though.

I've decided to keep a running count of the number of times La La says "off the hook" this week on TRL.
Today's count: 3
Total for week: 3

As a former employee at Troma, I couldn't be more pleased with this excerpt from Friday's New York Times review of Dawn of the Dead:
... Mr. Snyder's blood feast is strictly by the numbers; this second-rater could be the world's most expensive Troma film. That makes sense: the screenwriter for the remake, James Gunn, also banged out Tromeo and Juliet, that no-budget B-movie-studio's seminal film (that is, if the word seminal can be appended to Troma). Still, this is the first studio picture to exhibit the tacky Troma influence, which means - something, like the end of shame in Western civilization, perhaps.
Hear, hear.

Was at an apartment party on Saturday night where a few of my friends took Ecstasy, which is no big deal (although that particular party seemed an odd environment to take it), but for some reason it made me think of the episode of Beverly Hills, 90210 where the gang goes to a club and Brandon's crazy girlfriend Emily slipped E in his drink and he started acting all freaky and he pissed off the rest of his friends and his car got trashed when he left it at the club and the whole time Steve and Andrea are going to different convenience stores trying to "exchange an egg" to get the address of the club and the next day everyone has learned a lesson about drugs... I haven't seen that episode since it aired, which is at least 10 years ago, and I can remember it so clearly... now that's a sign of good television.
What isn't good television was last night's episode of The Simpsons, which for the second week in a row featured a parody that would've been fresh and appropriate last millennium. And while the Star Wars parody had its moments, the other 18 or so minutes were awful. My roommate has given up on the show... I may do so as well. For shame, Simpsons, for shame.

Yet another one of these conversations...
Globlgurl9: i have a question for you
Globlgurl9: how does time depend on the future?
Greeneneon: b/c if there were no future, this moment would be infinite
Globlgurl9: oh cool
Globlgurl9: string theory is pretty cool
Greeneneon: maybe you could take over for me
Greeneneon: you could be the next superstring genius
Globlgurl9: i dont know
Greeneneon: it's not hard
Globlgurl9: i am a international reltions major
Greeneneon: so how do you know about string theory at all?
Globlgurl9: my friend told me about it
Globlgurl9: and showed me some documentary you did
Greeneneon: is your friend loveneuroscience?
Globlgurl9: y7es
Globlgurl9: *yes
Greeneneon: she seems kinda nuts
Greeneneon: she's kinda obsessed with mtv
Globlgurl9: mtv?
Greeneneon: yeah
Greeneneon: she wouldn't stop talking about it
Globlgurl9: oh
Greeneneon: i'm not sure how it related to superstring theory
Globlgurl9: oh
Greeneneon: you have any ideas?
Greeneneon: i'd love to put together a theory of how they relate
Greeneneon: get the kids into string theory
Greeneneon: it'll be all the rage
Globlgurl9: hm?

Someone was either fucking with me or is just fucked up... either way, this conversation was bizarre and lots of fun:
LoveNeuroscience: Hello, I have a question...
Greeneneon: yes...
LoveNeuroscience: it's about the book you wrote, Fabric of the Cosmos
LoveNeuroscience: Do you think that there are more than 1 dimension of time?
Greeneneon: wrong Brian Greene
LoveNeuroscience: ?
LoveNeuroscience: aren't you Brian Greene?
LoveNeuroscience: I am a physics student
Greeneneon: i'm a brian greene
Greeneneon: not that brian greene
LoveNeuroscience: :-(
LoveNeuroscience: sorry...
LoveNeuroscience: do you know about dimensions of time anyways?
Greeneneon: of course... who doesn't?
LoveNeuroscience: are you a physicists too?
LoveNeuroscience: physicist*
Greeneneon: so far from it
LoveNeuroscience: well, are there any mathematical models that support the theory of multiple time dimensions, possibly infinite dimensions?
Greeneneon: yes
LoveNeuroscience: could you tell me about them, please?
Greeneneon: i could, but it's too complicated to explain on IM
Greeneneon: plus i usually get paid for tutoring
LoveNeuroscience: tutoring in math?
LoveNeuroscience: what subjects do you tutor?
Greeneneon: sociology of popular culture
Greeneneon: specifically the effects of TRL on teenage society
Greeneneon: it's fascinating
LoveNeuroscience: the mtv show?
Greeneneon: that's the one
LoveNeuroscience: oh
Greeneneon: it seriously messes kids up
Greeneneon: studies have proved it
LoveNeuroscience: I think that show is quite silly
Greeneneon: i concur
LoveNeuroscience: kids should be learning about other things instead...lke physics
Greeneneon: couldn't agree more
LoveNeuroscience: mtv is nonsense
Greeneneon: from my research, i've gotten to know the writers there... i should tell them to put physics lessons into the show
LoveNeuroscience: absolutly! good idea
LoveNeuroscience: are you doing undergrad, grad, or postdoc research, out of curiousity?
Greeneneon: it's independent study
Greeneneon: so i don't have to pay tuition
LoveNeuroscience: oh - for undergraduate studies?
Greeneneon: no, i'm done with undergrad
LoveNeuroscience: oh ok
Greeneneon: but i can never stop learning about stuff
Greeneneon: like those GI Joe interstitials... "knowing is half the battle"
LoveNeuroscience: I agree.. I feel the same way about science
LoveNeuroscience: I agree!
LoveNeuroscience: I'm sorry... I just saw that you were Brian Greene and couldn't resist talking to you
Greeneneon: no problem... it happens all the time
LoveNeuroscience: really?
LoveNeuroscience: you're research on trl sounds very interesting
Greeneneon: it gets me through the day
Greeneneon: better than a real job
LoveNeuroscience: :-)
LoveNeuroscience: Nice talking to you. Good luck with your research...And sorry about the mistaken identity.
Greeneneon: no problem
LoveNeuroscience: btw, I'm going to your book signing at Union Square on Wednesday. I'm so excited.
Greeneneon: then i'll see you there
LoveNeuroscience: haha

Saw a preview screening of The Anchorman last night... I'm not a fan of Will Farrell, especially in large doses, but the movie did have a few quality laughs, particularly from Steve Carell of "The Daily Show." It's also loaded with guest stars and cameos: Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller, Jack Black. This group, along with Owen Wilson, has become the equivalent of the crop of comedians who appeared in some combination in basically every comedy from the early 80's: Bill Murray, John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Harold Ramis. Compare their talents and the films they were in (Ghostbusters, Stripes, Caddyshack, Vacation, Little Shop of Horrors, even The Great Outdoors) to the work of the current guys and there is no comparison. The newbies have their moments (Owen Wilson and Jack Black especially), but will any of their movies be considered classic comedies? Makes me long for the good old days.

Dorky white guys of the world, unite! But that tour is just a warm-up to Phil Collins' cleverly-titled "First Final Farewell Tour." I've got my dancing shoes on already.

Saw Neil Young & Crazy Horse perform Greendale (and a selection of hits) at Radio City last night. Excellent concert. Greendale is terrific music; the staging is bizarre. It's like watching a really early 80's music video where the singer acts out every single lyric. Pretty cheesy, actually. I think it would've been better had he simply played the music without the actors onstage. I'm sure the movie is even worse than the staging. But I highly recommend the album, and Neil can still rock with the best of them (the show lasted almost 3 hours). He also hasn't lost his edge... at one point a heckler kept yelling out "Cinnamon Girl" during one of Neil's expository monologues, and Neil finally shouted back "Shut up, asshole!" much to the delight of the crowd. Why people feel there cannot be a single moment of silence during a rock concert without somebody whistling, cheering, or yelling things out escapes me. This is why I hate people.

On a related concert note, a former co-worker had e-mailed me yesterday to tell me about Courtney Love's surprise gig at the Kitten Klub last night. I was planning on going after Neil Young, but once again inertia got the best of me. Then, of course, this happened. I always miss the good stuff.

I love the fact that I, a 24-year-old nobody, wrote words that Donald Trump had to say on national television... and that he'd come into the control room and be instructed to point to a monitor, and he'd do it. He was $3 billion worth of putty in my hands.

I think I missed this by about 30 minutes... wish I could learn to control my hunger pains.

Donald Trump is on the show today, and we're doing a parody of The Apprentice. Should be an interesting show... I have a feeling Trump is gonna look like a deer in headlights in this environment.

I went to college with his son Donnie, and was on the same flight as him coming down to Florida for Thanksgiving one year... I sat across the aisle from him and was able to hear his conversation with the man sitting next to him... the guy was talking to Donnie about Wharton, business life, etc., and while Donnie never said he was Trump's son, he would drop hints such as saying his dad is in real estate, he's going to his golf resort, etc. At the end of the flight the guy gave Donnie a business card and offered to help him get a job. I wanted so badly to pull the guy aside and say "Do you realize you've been talking to Donald Trump's son?" just to see his reaction.

I recently watched Shocked on Trio, which was about Shockwave's ill-fated partnership with Trey Parker and Matt Stone. In 1999 Shockwave paid them $2 million to create short cartoons for their website, giving them full creative control. Matt & Trey came up with Princess, a cartoon about a cute puppy who witnesses lots of digusting things (like a husband whose wife gives him such a good blow-job his cum shoots her head right off). Shockwave never posted the episodes. Shocked gave clips of them... I've now discovered full versions of the first 2 episodes. They're sick... and hilarious. I love it!
Episode 1
Episode 2

Wait a minute, Whitney Houston takes drugs? Not this Whitney Houston... she seems so normal and well-adjusted... and her husband couldn't be a better influence on her...

Janet claims another victim...

George Michael is retiring from the music business... hopefully to focus on his efforts to reunite with Andrew Ridgeley for that long-awaited Wham! reunion?

Did anybody else notice on The Simpsons last night that they basically showed where Springfield is in the couch gag? During the 2001 parody, the camera zoomed out from a map of the US and came up from either Michigan or Illinois. Dunno if that was intentional or not, but I'm sure Simpsons geeks around the globe are up in arms (and yes, I'm one of them).
I also have to express my disappointment last night's episode. A Blair Witch Project parody? Come on... they should've avoided that altogether, since it's so overdone, but to do it 6 years after it came out? Please...

Went to Siberia last night for Lindsayism's birthday party. I usually hate situations where I go somewhere and only know 1 person, especially when that person happens to be the host, but it wasn't too bad... I just wish that she had more than 2 friends who weren't male hipsters (and I'd love for her to atttempt to deny that fact... I now totally agree with the Daily News, which referred to her as a "bona fide Gen-X Williamsburg hipster"). But I'm glad I went, and Happy Birthday to you, Lindsay!

Elijah Wood guest-hosted TRL today, and a crazy girl slipped a note to one of our PA's to give to him... here are the contents of that note:

"Elijah Wood" - written in a drunken stupor by __________ (phone number ***-***-****)

Elijah Wood
You look so good
I would bang you
If I could

You live in the Meat Packing District
I would buy new lipstick
Go to Gristedes and get some Bisquick
To make you pancakes in the morning

You're really small
Yeah, not that tall
Let's go to the mall
You can buy me lots of shit

You have a penis
Don't call it a weenis
I don't want a fetus
So you best wear a condom
BIATCH!

Some days at work are certainly better than others...

I was deciding whether or not to get tickets to see Courtney Love at Bowery Ballroom on the 18th... not because I'm a fan of hers, but because I want to be able to tell people "Yeah, I saw her last concert ever when she went totally insane and then killed herself / went to jail"... the likelihood of that happening is huge. But ultimately I passed, and tickets sold out within minutes. Hope I didn't make the same mistake I made when I passed up a chance to see INXS 2 weeks before Michael Hutchence killed himself.

Stuff like this never happens to me...

Time to pass along some fun links...
- Woman rejects wedding proposal at NBA Halftime show
- Biggest freak of all time
- Religious ceremony gone awry (this is why we should eliminate religion)

I know I once said that this was the best game ever, but I stand corrected... it has been vastly improved!

Last week Rolling Stone ran an article about students (specifically Stephen Bohler) committing suicide at NYU. Yesterday, the 4th NYU student in 6 months killed herself. So I guess that does make the magazine educational material...
*Note - yes, I'm fully aware I'm going to Hell.

Did anyone read the Entertainment Weekly article about Justin Guarini? If you looked up douchebag in the dictionary, you would find his picture. First of all, why on earth does he deserve a 4-page article? And where does he get the balls to say something like this?
"I'm here to entertain, to bring joy to people, to bring light to dark places of the world."
Justin, if you truly believe that, you can start by never opening your mouth again.

On a more positive note, Steve Martin's article in New Yorker titled "Studio Script Notes on 'The Passion'" is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Love the exchange between the 2 spectators as to why Jesus doesn't use his superpowers to save himself. I was wondering that, too. Steve Martin is a genius. Bring him back to host the Oscars next year.

Does anyone else think that The Passion of the Christ would have been VASTLY improved if, at the end when Jesus is revealed in profile at the tomb, he had turned to the camera and winked? Maybe even said something like, "I told you I'd be back!"... that would've been AWESOME!!!

Saw a screening of Jersey Girl over the weekend... trust me, you do NOT want to see this movie. But if you feel the need to, here are some pointers...
1) When the movie starts, you may think that you've stumbled into the middle of the 300,000th TNT showing of Kindergarten Cop. The similarity is so great, you may be certain. But trust me, it is not Kindergarten Cop... although in a few minutes, you may wish it was.
2) Ben Affleck is a terrible, TERRIBLE actor... note the scene when he arrives at the hospital.
3) For some reason, the video store Ben and his daughter frequent is the only video store in the world that stocks multiple copies of Children of the Corn 666. In fact, approximately 44% of all the movies there are 666, Scream, or Copland. Bizarre.
4) Ben and his daughter must be immune to a disease that has wiped out the entire population of Manhattan, because they are the only 2 people walking through Central Park on a gorgeous afternoon and the only 2 people (except for the driver) when they take a horse-drawn carriage ride through the city on a beautiful night.
There's more, but I'd rather not waste space here. How Kevin Smith could possibly think this is his best movie boggles the mind...

There are certain stories that, although great to read, definitely cry out for video. This is one of them. The best part of the story is that one of the guys involved in the fight lives in the same nursing home as his mother. That's so much worse than having to move back into your parents' house. I didn't think the concept of nursing homes could be more painful, but that would do it.

Got myself a copy of the full Paris Hilton tape yesterday... had to trade a Bubba Ho-Tep bedpan for it (that may have been a once-in-a-lifetime find, but really, what's the point of having a bedpan if you're not gonna use it?). That Paris is one very dirty girl. The "trailer" doesn't do justice to the amount of sex these two have. And, in typical porn-star fashion, Paris looks bored and miserable throughout the entire thing, except at the very end when Rick explodes all over her chest and she rubs it on like sunscreen. He also gets away with spanking her and calling her "bitch" and jokes about her being underage. Quite a pair, these two.
Is the footage worthy of all the press it's gotten? No. Would I pay $50 for it? No. Is it worth more than that bedpan? That remains to be seen... but now that I have the Paris video, I'll have to find something else in which to collect my fluids...

A co-worker just showed me a mock movie poster for Lord of the Bling. "This is gonna be great," he says. I nod, out of courtesy. "Hilarious," he continues. "It's from Mad Magainze."
Can people even say that anymore?
I ask again, why is my building full of morons?

I'm on an elevator heading up to the 23rd floor. Doors open at 21 so somebody can exit. Girl walks on. Buttons for 22, 23, and 30 are already lit. She presses 7. Other people in the car give her a weird look. Elevator goes up to 22. Doors open, someone gets out. The light for 7 turns off. Girl presses it again. Doors close, elevator goes up to 23. Girl has to realize at this point that the elevator is going in the wrong direction. I get out, expecting girl to follow and switch elevators rather than go all the way up to 30. She stays. Probably presses 7 again.
Why is my building full of morons?

The mix project continues... today's theme was Cover Songs. Here is the tracklist and liner notes for the mix I made for Tommy:

1. Hazy Shade of Winter – The Bangles (Simon & Garfunkel): As always, I like to start these mixes off with solid guitar riffs, which this song has. Sounds great on a good stereo (or headphones), where the riff bounces between the left and right speakers.
2. Rock & Roll - Jane's Addiction (Velvet Underground): I’m not a big fan of either Jane’s Addiction or Velvet Underground, but for some reason I really like how JA sounds doing this song.
3. Wild Horses - The Sundays (Rolling Stones): Hard to believe one of my favorite Stones songs could be improved upon, especially in a version prominently used by a WB TV show, but this version is haunting… it’s more of a stalker song than a love song here.
4. The Ocean - Melissa Quade (Led Zepplin): I wish I could cut out the end, because it almost ruins the song, but I think she’s a great singer and does a terrific job stripping down this song.
5. Try Some, Buy Some - David Bowie (George Harrison): It’s sad that the best song on Bowie’s new album is a cover, but not really since this is really great.
6. Working in a Coal Mine - Devo (Lee Dorsey): Devo makes it seem like it could be a whole lotta fun to work in a coal mine.
7. Mona (I Need You Baby) - Rolling Stones (Bo Diddley): Yeah, so much of the early Stones material is covers, and those songs don’t show off the band’s skills, but out of all their early stuff I think this is there best cover.
8. The Passenger - Siouxsie & the Banshees (Iggy Pop): This song is probably the most faithful to the source material, but Siouxsie sounds great singing this.
9. Always Something There to Remind Me - Naked Eyes (Lou Johnson): As far as improving upon source material, I don’t think you can do much better than this.
10. White Lines - Duran Duran (Grandmaster Flash): DD started the encore with this song during their Webster Hall show and almost blew the roof off the place. Sure, it’s borderline laughable when Grandmaster Flash trades rhymes with Simon LeBon, but it’s a song I could crank all they way up while driving.
11. Girl U Want - Soundgarden (Devo): Simple song that Soundgarden didn’t alter too much; they simply made it their own, and it works.
12. Ben - Crispin Glover (Michael Jackson): Michael Jackson singing about a rat = creepy. Crispin Glover singing about a rat = creepier. Although Crispin Glover makes just about anything creepier.
13. Thirteen - Garbage (Big Star): I wish some girl had made these offers to me when I was thirteen. Shirley Manson’s voice is just too damn sexy. This is probably my favorite song on the mix.
14. Handbags & Gladrags - Stereophonics (Michael D'abo): Being such a huge fan of “The Office,” I tried to find the version that plays in the credits. It’s never been released, but this version is almost identical. It’s also the only Stereophonics song I can stomach.
15. Save It For Later - Harvey Danger (English Beat): “Flagpole Sitta” is such an annoying song, it’s a marvel I even gave this a chance… but I’m glad I did, because I think they did a great job with it.
16. Ball of Confusion - Love & Rockets (The Temptations): Not only a cover, but also a lyrical update.
17. Rent - Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine (Pet Shop Boys): When I was in Scotland, I had a friend who loved Pop Will Eat Itself, Carter the USM, and Pet Shop Boys’ “Rent.” Every conversation concerning music would eventually lead to one (or more) of these three topics. This song nails 2 of the 3. I don’t particularly like Carter, which is an opinion shared by most people (that is, of people who know of him, which in this country is virtually nobody), and I’m not wild about this version of the song, so more than anything I put it on here in honor of my friend, Laurie.
18. Rock & Roll All Nite - Toad the Wet Sprocket (Kiss): One of the things that most attracts me to a cover is when they alter the mood of the song. This one does that in spades. I just wish I could’ve found a version that cuts out the lame intro.
19. The Girl Is Mine – Penn-6 (Michael Jackson / Paul McCartney): If the a-capella groups at Penn were organized like the Greek system, Pennsylvania 6-5000 would be the Animal House: lots of drinking, drugs, crazy parties, date-rape, etc. At performances, they’d get so trashed they could barely sing. So it boggles the mind that they could arrange and sing songs that sound as good as this.
20. Timeless Melody - Pearl Jam (The La's): PJ has so many covers to choose from… I tried to pick one I was pretty sure you’ve never heard. The original of this is great, and it’s a shame the La’s broke up so early in their career, although I hear a reunion is in the works. This is just a great little pop song; nothing more, nothing less.

Tommy Sticking Point took the very creative step of commenting on my Oscar diary instead of writing his own, and he did a bang-up job. Not to turn this into a never-ending cycle, but here's a few comments I have on his notes:

8:51
Brian writes: Tim Robbins ... seems to have found a surefire way to avoid the orchestra cue: discuss sexual abuse. Future winners, take note.
Tommy's Second Opinion: But to make it more interesting, name names. Start with "Michael Jackson."
Brian's Third Opinion: Name names, but make shit up... maybe use a director who rejected you for a part. Hey, you just won an Oscar... see how far you can push things before your career instantly implodes.

9:24
Brian writes: Tom Hanks’ entire face is sagging… it’s as if a bowling ball is dangling from his chin.
TSO: Man, I have had it with this guy. How many GREAT movies has he made? Two? IMDB's got 37 films to his credit. That's a really crappy ratio.
BTO: Yes, but he's hosted SNL like three thousand times... that should count for something, methinks.

10:05
Brian writes: I loved The Days of Wine & Ro and Victor / Victo; long live ake Edwards!
TSO: akes me wish I had a widescreen TV. What a load of shi
BTO: Damn, Tommy just nailed the punchline that I totally fucked up. That's why he makes the big bucks.

11:03
Brian writes: Jamie Lee Curtis’ breasts have varicose veins. Nasty.
TSO: ...and they go all the way down to her penis. Gross.
BTO: That JLC-was-born-a-man is one of the most bizarre Hollywood urban legends of all time. Although it would explain how she and Christopher Guest are a couple.

Thank you for cleaning up my spills, Tommy.

I should also note that I came in second place in my Oscar pool, losing by 1. Damn LOTR sweep...

The Oscars finally ended about half an hour ago, and damn, were they boring! Regardless, here's my show diary...

8:00: Apparently the pre-show starts now, not the actual show… already this fucks up my Oscar pool, since our tiebreaker question is “What time will the show end?” I put 11:28… I should’ve put 11:58. Thankfully it’s the 76th annual show, which isn’t a multiple of 5, so we won’t have to put up with stupid retrospectives… or will we?

8:29: I’ve watched about 5 minutes of pre-show, and this Billy guy inside the auditorium has made the following people terribly uncomfortable: Alec Baldwin, Sandra Bullock, Ben Kingsley, Renee Zellweger, Nicole Kidman, Johnny Depp,and Keisha Castle-Hughes. Where did they find this chump? The Ryan Seacrest Reject Factory?

8:30: Sean Connery opens the show saying “for more than 100 years, people have been fascinated by movies.” And for 40 years, people have been fascinated by his eyebrows… they move seemingly without purpose!

8:36: The Magic of Movie montage – decent; Billy’s impression of Jack – awful.

8:39: That joke about the differences from 13 years ago was fresh about 13 comedians ago.

8:46: Is Peter Weir married to Cheryl Hines?

8:47: Cut to Marc Shaiman blowing kisses to the camera. Wait, he’s gay?

8:51: Tim Robbins wins; I’m 1-for-1 in my pool. And he seems to have found a surefire way to avoid the orchestra cue: discuss sexual abuse. Future winners, take note.

8:53: 23 minutes in, only 1 award. At this rate I should’ve guessed 5:18am.

9:01: LOTR wins its first, Art Direction… gonna be a long night for them. And is the gray-haired guy Peter Jackson in disguise? Calm down, I’m sure you’ll be up there later in the night.

9:02: Peter Jackson is so fat, he can’t button the top button of his shirt or tighten his tie. Kinda sad.

9:05: Robin Williams playfully butchers the names of the Best Animated Film nominees by using a playful lisp. Way to destroy their one moment of glory.

9:06: Triplets was robbed. Take that, France… that’s for not sending troops to the Middle East!

9:07: Sounds of Oscar = Instant Replay. Who are they trying to kid?

9:11: It’s official: I’m evil… all I can think right now is “Please, Renee, trip and fall down the stairs.”

9:19: Aghdashloo looks just like Catherine Zeta-Jones. Eerie resemblance.

9:21: Renee wins, and it looks like she’s still looking for a place to store those nuts for winter. Better get a move on… it’s March already.

9:24: Tom Hanks’ entire face is sagging… it’s as if a bowling ball is dangling from his chin.

9:25: Why are they playing the Forrest Gump theme for the Bob Hope tribute? Are they implying he was a retard?

9:33: Damn, Billy Zabka didn’t win… they didn’t even show his face. Guess there will be no “Sweep the leg” jokes tonight.

9:35: The other winner looks PISSED he didn’t get to talk. That’s it… their friendship is over.

9:37: Random Baldwin (non-Alec) sighting. Was it Billy or Daniel? Does anyone really care?

9:38: Liv Tyler is going with the Lisa Loeb look, and she pulled it off BIG TIME.

9:44: The back-up singers for “Scarlet Tide” look like they could be Senators.

9:56: Yawn. This isn’t my first yawn, but it’s the first one I’ve written down. This may be the most boring Oscar ceremony I’ve ever seen.

10:01: Jennifer Garner deserves an Oscar for acting interested throughout the entire tech awards.

10:02: Crap, Jim Carrey has leukemia again.

10:05: I loved The Days of Wine & Ro and Victor / Victo; long live ake Edwards!

10:15: It’s official: Bill Murray has the best line of the night for “We were refused.”

10:20: Was the first make-up winner in the poster for Meet the Deedles?

10:21: Sandra Bullock says “You were early.” Good one.

10:28: Sean Penn is not amused by Julia Roberts. But then again, is he ever?

10:33: The guy who played the crazy vet who works at Peterman in an episode of Seinfeld is a seatfiller… he’s sitting next to Zeta-Jones. I swear (thanks to DVR for rewind & pause so I could verify that). Well, that’s one way to go to the Oscars.

10:37: Oprah: “I love a great movie.” You know, for years I’ve been telling people just how much alike Oprah and I are… then she has to go and ruin it with a crazy statement like that.

10:45: Billy Crystal just gave a great follow-up with his “tax audit” joke. He does still have some life left in him.

10:47: The President of the Academy just said “Attixus,” then said “Attixus” again. Do all Presidents have problems talking?

10:50: Holy shit, Stan Brakhage died! Oh wait, I have no idea who that is. Nevermind.

11:00: I’m glad Julianne Moore was amused by Pierce Brosnan’s editing joke… she was the only one.

11:01: How did LOTR win Best Editing? It never ended! Damn bandwagoners…

11:03: Jamie Lee Curtis’ breasts have varicose veins. Nasty.

11:16: Jack Black’s jump-and-land-in-a-kneel would’ve been much cooler had he been wearing a cape. I’m just saying…

11:18: Would a song like “Flashdance” ever get a nomination these days, let alone win?

11:22: Canada wins Best Foreign Language Film. They should’ve named the movie The Barbarian Inv-eh-sion. Get it? (There you have it, my worst joke of the night)

11:31: LOTR won Adapted Screenplay? That’s it, it’s gonna be a clean sweep. Has that ever happened before?

11:33: Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon: Academy Award-winning couple. That’s awesome.

11:42: Time for Best Director. Please let City of God win something…

11:43: Crap.

11:44: The woman who escorts the winners offstage is HOT! And she towers over Tom Cruise.

11:46: Can we safely admit that Adrian Brody’s career is over already? And he has a weird walk… it’s like the way a Ken doll would move.

11:48: Yeah Charlize… my dad and I have been expecting this since October 1996, when we saw 2 Days in the Valley.

11:59: Best Actor this year is the TOUGHEST CATEGORY EVER!!!

12:01: Wow, Penn got a HUGE ovation. Then he says it’s pretentious to write a speech. Way to slap any winner who has ever done that. He’ll never win again.

12:05: LOTR officially sweeps everything. Yawn.

That’s the end of the most boring Oscar ceremony ever (and the most boring Oscar diary ever).

Oscars start in 2 hours... here are my predictions for the major categories, and what I want to win (bear in mind that I'm really bad at this):

Best Picture:
Want – City of God (but since it’s not nominated, Lost in Translation)
Predict – LOTR
Best Director:
Want – City of God
Predict – LOTR
Best Actor:
Want – Either Penn, Murray, or Depp
Predict – Penn
Best Actress:
Want – Theron
Predict – Theron
Best Supporting Actor:
Want – Del Toro or Watanabe
Predict – Robbins
Best Supporting Actress:
Want – Hunter
Predict – Agdashloo
Best Original Screenplay:
Want – Lost in Translation
Predict – Lost in Translation
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Want – City of God
Predict – Mystic River

I'm visiting my parents in Florida this weekend, which always leads to many memorable quotes... here are some favorites:
1) "Raise your hand if you want to go to Florida! (after 2 people raise their hands) If you don't raise your hand, you can just stay in New York... (2 more people raise their hand)" - Song Airline attendant.
2) "We board our passengers by zone, so check your seat assignment; your zone will be listed directly beneath your seat number. You ticket should say Zone 1-6. If it says 'end zone' or 'twilight zone,' you're on the wrong flight." - same Song attendant.
3) "Don't open the window... you'll freeze to death!" - my mother, to my sister during the car ride to dinner our first night; according to the car thermometer, the outside temperature was 78 degrees.
4) "Why do they itch?" - my mother, asking me about the members of G-Unit's affinity for grabbing their balls in their videos.
5) "Do you want to eat at my place? The last week of each month they serve the worst lunches... there's nothing there you would eat." - my grandmother, referring to the dining room at her assisted living complex when my sister and I asked her if she'd like to have lunch the following day.
6) "They don't know their ear from their A." - my grandmother, referring to the waiters at aforementioned dining room.
7) "What? His name is Chet Whosin?" - my mother, after I informed her that the subject of a photo in her Annie Leibovitz book was Trent Reznor.
8) "You know what you are? A pisser... when you go, do you make sure you get rid of it all? Do you know how to do it right? Do you need someone to teach you?" - my grandmother, grilling my sister on the proper urination methods due to my sister's habit of peeing approximately every 80 minutes.
Good times...

Apparently the Kids of Widney High have just released a new CD, Act Your Age. What an odd coincidence, since on Monday I named my fantasy baseball league Kids of Widney High. Eerie, that is... but I can't wait to hear the new album.

Some interesting stuff in the new issue of Rolling Stone:
1) After Ryan Adams fell offstage and broke his wrist, "the injury may take up to two months to heal, and he could lose twenty percent mobility in the wrist. But the singer is in good spirits... 'Maybe I can learn to play guitar with my feet.'" Yeah, or maybe you should give up performing altogether... that's obviously what God had in mind when he caused you to take a nosedive...
2) Avril Levigne, when asked what is her favorite board game: "I like Scrabble. I'm actually pretty good at it, I think, because when I'm writing, I'm thinking of words." There is no joke I could possibly make that is a better punchline that her quote on its own...
3) Quote from Beyonce Knowles: "I work really hard. I'm a perfectionist. If my video is wrong, I'm-a-fix it." Guess that perfectionism doesn't carry over into her grammar...

Last year I signed up to be part of the Compact Disc Minimum Advertised Price Antitrust Litigation. Yesterday I finally got my settlement check in the amount of $13.86. So basically, after years of having CD companies rip me off, I've been awarded enough money to almost go to a store and buy a new album. Maybe if I put the money into a high-yield bond, I'll be able to afford Smile when it comes out in the fall...

I came to work today to have this piece of news waiting for me... how great! Two positive Beach Boys news stories in one week... who would've thunk it? I can't wait for the album to come out, but he simply MUST bring the tour to the US... why should Europe get all the love? Look at these reviews:
#1
#2
#3
I'm salivating...

I was on the subway yesterday and ran into KFC Homeless Man again (see Feb. 14)... still had a bag full of KFC, although his supply seemed to have dwindled a bit. I wish I could get free KFC the same way this guy does... I wonder what his secret is. Would it be worth it to pretend to be homeless in order to get free KFC? Eh, probably not.

Let's make this happen... the Beach Boys have been historically screwed in terms of recognition, and while this won't rectify that, it's a start...

Lil' GnR is returning to CBGB's on Sunday... this audition footage of them is kinda funny and so, SO sad all at once.

It has been decided... the next mix topic is Cover Songs. Gonna be very interesting, since most covers suck... but I'm sure Tommy will come up with winners. Tentative due date is March 1, so check back for track listings and liner notes. In the meantime, this is by no means a definitive collection, but still a pretty cool resource.

The commercial for Time-Life's Best of Beavis & Butt-head proclaim that "the best duos in history come in pairs." Thanks, Einsteins.

Well it looks like eBay removed the posting I linked to a couple days ago for the person selling the phone number 212-867-5309... last I checked it was at 65 grand... I wonder how much I can get for my phone number that so closely resembled a Chinese restaurant that I get at least a dozen wrong number calls a week... anyone interested?

Happy Half-Birthday to me...

In commercials for Gatorade, why does the ad read Is It In You? when the voice-over specifically says Is It In You? Doesn't make sense...

The press conference introducing A-rod as a Yankee was very exciting, but they're always too diplomatic. When asked if he had anything to say to the Red Sox, why couldn't he say, "Screw you, Boston... you're going down"? You know that's what he was thinking...

Of all I have read so far regarding the A-rod trade (and it's been a lot), this is by far the best item:
The Rangers will wind up paying $140 million for three seasons with Rodriguez, an average of $46.7 million annually for three last-place finishes in the AL West. The Yankees will owe him $112 million over seven years.
Awesome!

You have got to be kidding me with this... wouldn't having that number be more of a bother than anything else, with the number of crank calls the winner would surely get? People with that much money to spend on such a stupid thing SUCK!!!

It's President's Day, and I'm at work... the TRL staff seems to be the only people in the building (or at least on the floor)... bah.

When my clock radio went off this morning, "Walking on the Moon" was just finishing, and the DJ came on and said "That was the Police, and right before that we heard the new one from Tesla," and I suddenly got scared that I had woken up in 1989...

1:45am, Friday night / Saturday morning, Times Square subway station, uptown 1/2/3/9 platform. A homeless man is digging eagerly into a garbage can, presumably in search of food. A couple minutes later, a second homeless man wanders by, carrying a large Adidas sports bag with several stuffed animals protruding. He puts the bag down and unzips it, revealing that the majority of the bag is filled with KFC: boxes of chicken, sealed side items, the works. Noticing the garbage scavenger, he takes out two individual sides (both mashed potatoes and gravy, if I'm not mistaken) and says "Hey man, don't be digging through no garbage. Take this." The first man refuses to even acknowledge the second man, let alone accept the offering. The second man puts the food back in the bag, then wanders around the platform screaming, "Crazy man don't want no KFC! Crazy man don't want no KFC!"
As the Post's Liz Smith says, "Only in New York, kids, only in New York."

Don't forget to vote for this year's Orsons.

Tonight on Fox: Celebrity Spelling Bee. Apparently:
"Celebrity Spelling Bee will tap into the appeal of Spellbound by having a 10-year-old spelling champion to whom the celebrity teams can turn when stuck on a word. 'He's what you would expect,' Darnell said. 'A great speller and very precocious.'"
I was hoping it'd be Harry Altman, the musical robot from Spellbond, but he's too old now. At least I know David Faustino will be in it...

So Barbie and Ken split up, eh? Um, I hate to break it to everyone, but they're DOLLS... inanimate objects... what the hell is wrong with people?

Ooh man, this is gonna be good... I can't wait for the names to start leaking out...

I used to like staying friends with ex-girlfriends, especially ones with whom I'm somewhat interested in getting back together, but afer last night I may have to rethink my entire outlook... unless somebody can tell me a good way to get out of having to listen to an ex play really awful guitar music and having to feign enthusiasm and compliments (all the while being on your best behavior because her mother is in town), then being forced to take an 80-minute subway ride from Brooklyn back to your apartment in uptown Manhattan... anyone?

I noticed a couple of bizarre moments in this week's RW/RR Challenge: The Inferno that I'm sure most people didn't pick up on:
1) After Leah says that she thinks Darrell is the sexiest guy there, it cuts to him talking to Julie, who is stroking his arm. No offense to Darrell, but I'm sure that such pre-marriage fornication with an African-American is exactly the type of non-Mormon behavior that caused BYU to give Julie the boot.
2) In the club after Trischelle pisses everyone off, Jeremy comes up and attempts to calm her down... although it seems to me that he's actually trying to hit on her... and this happens while he's got Katie clinging to him... and Katie is so drunk that when he steps away from her, she basically topples over. I think the general consensus already was that Jeremy is a tool, but the fact that he's trying to take advantage of two completely hammered girls nails this point home. And while I have no respect for Katie, she certainly can do better than Jeremy, even in a state of complete obliteration.
Nevertheless, an entertaining episode.

I wish I was rich enough to own the MTV building... if I did, I would wire the elevators so that if anyone ever pressed a button that was already lit, they'd get a shock. It doesn't make the elevator go any faster... get a clue. While I'm at it, I would also add shock capabilities to subway doors so that people who block them would get zapped... or maybe some form of retractable blades would do the trick, things that shot out like Wolverine's claws... if somebody's arm is wedged between the doors, the blades would slice it right off, and the train could go on its merry way. Yeah, that'd be cool.

My friend pointed this out to me last night, and it's pretty damn cool... Billy Zabka, the King of 80s movies (Karate Kid, Just One of the Guys, Back to School), is nominated for an Oscar this year! It's true... Best Short Film (Live Action) for a movie called Most (The Bridge). Check it out:
A quick check at his IMDB page shows that it is in fact the same William (Billy) Zabka.
Can you imagine the reaction if he wins? The presenter announces his name, the audience applauds politely, but once he strides up to the stage and begins his acceptance speech, people slowly gasp as they realize, "Hey, that can't be Johnny Lawrence, can it?" Would he thank Cobra Kai? Would someone call out "Sweep the leg!"? The possibilities are endless!
We have to start a campaign to get Zabka the Oscar. Anyone have any ideas? Who's with me?

Here are the liner notes for the Referential Mix I made for Tommy:

1. Running Down a Dream - Tom Petty: What better way to kick off a mix than with a great guitar lick? The ultimate driving song about listening to a driving song (Del Shannon’s “Runaway”)
2. Maybe Angels - Sheryl Crow: Elvis, Kurt Cobain, John Lennon, and Jesus (arguably the world’s first rock star).
3. Surrender - Cheap Trick: Makes me think of Damone from Fast Times more than it makes me think about Kiss, but a good song nonetheless. Cheap Trick is actually going on tour with Aerosmith this summer… and Aerosmith just finished touring with Kiss… what a tangled web.
4. Born in the 50s - The Police: Would a song called “Born in the 80s” have any impact at all? Instead of “screaming for the Beatles,” they’d be screaming for New Kids on the Block? That’s an odd thing to think about.
5. The Seeker - The Who: I was all set to put “You Better, You Bet” on here, but changed at the last minute because 1) I had another song referencing T. Rex and 2) this is a better song. Good thing too, because you put “You Better, You Bet” on yours. Do you think anyone else has ever called Bob Dylan “Bobby”?
6. Blinded By the Light - Bruce Springsteen: I may have cheated a bit using a classical reference, but the lyrics of this song are incredible and come off much better than the poppier, more-famous version by Manfred Mann.
7. All the Young Dudes - Mott the Hoople: A better T. Rex-referential song that the Who’s.
8. Life Is Real – Queen: Subtitled “Song for Lennon.”
9. Make Me Lose Control - Eric Carmen: Odd that this is from an album released in 1977 but became a hit in 1988. I remember hearing this song for the first time on a bus from the airport to summer camp (my first time going to camp without my sister) and being calm. And I think that almost everyone knows the words to “Stand By Me” by heart.
10. Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners: I came very close to not including this song, because I thought you’d hate it. But the reference to Johnnie Ray was too good to pass up.
11. Beethoven (I Love to Listen to) – Eurythmics
12. Rocket - Def Leppard: I got the cassette of Hysteria when I was 8, and I’m sure that in my lifetime I’ve listened to that album more than any other. Of course, when I was 8, I couldn’t identify any of the long list of references (except for “Benny & the Jets”).
13. The New Style - Beastie Boys: Could anyone think of a better rhyme for Jimmy Page than “the girlies I like are underage”?
14. When We Was Fab - George Harrison: Obviously there are covert references to the Beatles, but he also mentions songs by Dylan and Gayle McCormick. I used to think this was one of the coolest videos ever made, but watching it now, it’s just cheesy – Ringo is the biggest ham in showbiz.
15. When Smokey Sings – ABC: When Smokey sings, I think of this song.
16. Life in a Northern Town - Dream Academy: I wouldn’t have put this on if you didn’t once mention that you liked Dream Academy, which took me by surprise. Sadly, this is the 6th song on this mix that references the Beatles (or one of its members).
17. Fight the Power - Public Enemy

You can find Tommy's track list / liner notes here. He turned his into a double-CD; however, he doubled (and even tripled) up on many artists. Selectivity is the hardest part of this type of project, which is why I'm penalizing him. But I still have to give him credit for an excellent compilation and for introducing me to some fantastic music.
*Note - after no duplicates in our first swap, we have 3 duplicates on this one, and 4 others that potentially could've been (I almost put in "You Better You Bet," "Dio," and "Do You Remember Rock & Roll Radio," he almost put in "Come On Eileen"). Fascinating similarities.

A sign posted in the studio today had 8 simple words that made my week:
"24 Hours with Fred Durst Has Been Cancelled!"

WHOO!!! New Terry Tate movie!

I watched about 5 minutes of the Grammy's last night (saw the Foo Fighters perform, then turned it off when Coldplay won), but from the Post's review of it, it sounded great, especially:
The most cringe-inducing moment was when Sting, Vince Gill, Dave Matthews and Pharrell Williams paid homage to the Beatles on the 40th anniversary of the Fab Four's American conquest. "American Idol" villain critic Simon Cowell always warns all of the amateur contenders, "Don't forget the words." Yet when the quartet attempted "I Saw Her Standing There," Matthews Sang, "I saw her dancing there." Sting glided along the chorus until he derailed on the Paul McCartney high note, and the harmonies sounded like somebody was hurting a dog.
The boys had nobody to blame but themselves, but poor Celine Dion who performed Luther Vandross' "Dance With My Father" was mired in technical difficulties. While the camera focused in tightly on Dion, all you could hear was a now-unemployed sound guy repeatedly asking, "Should I take it up, should I take it up." He finally took it up to the point that Dion busted a few eardrums when her upper register collided with a wall of feedback.
Ha and double-ha to Matthews and Dion... I hate you both.

Speaking of Foo Fighters, who would've thought ten years ago that by 2004 a spin-off band by Nirvana's drummer would have three times as many Grammys as Nirvana?

One last Grammy note... Tommy has the greatest line I think I've ever read in one of these event diary-type things:
8:45 Justin Trousersnake says "It's an honor" just to be in the company of the other nominees. If by "honor," you mean "travesty," bulls-eye, JT!
Tommy has helped me a lot with my writing, but it's moments like this where I realize I'll just never get to his level.

You'll have to take my word for it, but believe me, if you go to Circuit City to pick up a stereo you ordered and after 30 minutes of waiting they still haven't brought it up from the downstairs warehouse, the only thing that keeps you from going insane is watching a 7-year-old boy singing and doing the Robot while "Barbie Girl" plays overhead as his dad gives him a look that pleads "please don't turn out gay"...

It's been several days now since the Super Bowl, and I'm tired of hearing how great Tom Brady is... how he's the next coming of Joe Montana... how he's now a certain Hall-of-Famer. Give me a break. Although it's swapping sports, the best comparison for Brady is to Orlando Hernandez. In his tenure with the Yankees, El Duque pitched ably (but certainly not spectacularly) for several seasons... yet he thrived during the postseason. Will El Duque make the Hall? Of course not. If Brady keeps up his pace, should he? Of course not. Playing well (and let's not forget that Brady twice nearly cost the Pats wins this posteason with his late game in-the-endzone interceptions) for a few games a season is not enough to earn such respect. So drop the charade, okay?

By the way, how is this news?

Saw my friend and former roommate Liz Tormes perform last night. As usual, a great set. If you're into kinda folksy-acoustic-guitar songs, you should check her out.

I can't stop looking at this two-headed baby... although the second head looks like it belongs to the monkey from Outbreak.

All 7 Police Academy movies are coming out on DVD in April. The only thing funnier than those movies? This press release. "Law enfarcement" - that's gold! And if there's anyone out there who thinks that the Police Academy Giftset (featuring all 7 films) will provide"hard-core laughter," I'd love to meet him / her.

The NFL has bounced JC Chasez from performing at the Pro-Bowl. Somewhere, Justin is laughing about this, his evil plan to destroy the solo careers of all other N'Sync members having been set into motion...

Wow, this guy may be more obessed with The Simpsons than I am. It's a damn fine list (ignoring the fact that he screws up by listing 100-75 in the first day, which is actually 26 items, thereby screwing up the distribution for the rest of the week), but not as good as the one I linked to on Nov. 18.

We're getting close to the start of baseball season, and articles are becoming more plentiful. This is a good one, although it bothers me that the author is so confident that both Bonds and Sosa will break the home-run record. Bonds, maybe. Sosa will have lots of trouble hitting dingers with the new drug testing in place. Should be interesting to see how this season plays out.

I could get lost for hours in this site.

Looks like there's a feud developing between Lindsayism and Hot Abercrombie Chick. I say they settle this in a ring... naked... with jello...

Yesterday Tommy and I exchanged our Track 5 mixes... and, as expected, his was far superior to mine. Mine was 18 tracks, his 21. High points of mine:
- Tom Petty, "It's Good To Be King" (from Wildflowers)
- Pearl Jam, "Wash" (from Lost Dogs)
- Eels, "3 Speed" (from Electro-Shock Blues)
- STP, "Still Remains" (from Purple)
- Glen Phillips, "My Own Town" (from Abulum)
- Cyndi Lauper, "She-Bop" (from She's So Unusual)
High points of his:
- Pulp, "Disco 2000" (from Different Class)
- Buzzcocks, "Ever Fallen in Love" (from Singles Going Steady)
- Replacements, "Waitress in the Sky" (from Tim)
- Tom Waits, "The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me)"
- Stevie Wonder, "Sir Duke" (from Songs in the Key of Life)
- Pink Floyd, "The Gunner's Dream" (from The Final Cut).
How could I have left off "Sir Duke"??? Tommy claims that he likes mine, but he knows he won this battle. The war has yet to be decided, however... next week will be another mix... topic is Songs That Reference Other Songs / Musicians. Stay tuned...

So it looks like my predictions for the Super Bowl were WAY off. It was a surprisingly good game, although I would’ve liked a different outcome. And it should’ve been a different outcome… the Panthers lost the game more than the Patriots won it. So many mistakes in the 4th quarter:
1) Going for 2 points with 12 minutes to play.
2) Going for 2 points again.
3) Calling a time-out when they got down to the 15 yard line with 1:07 left.
4) Not calling a running play to eat up some time.
5) Booting the kickoff out of bounds.
If they had simply kicked extra points every time, they would’ve been up 31-28 (NE would not have tried a 2-pointer either), so the field goal would’ve sent the game into overtime instead of sending the Panthers home as runner-ups. And how could they possibly give the Pats so much time? Did they learn nothing from Super Bowl XXXVI? Very frustrating.
Other notes from watching the game:
- Who didn't know that Vinatieri would miss the first field goal when they showed the graphic saying that his only 2 misses indoors took place at Reliant Stadium?
- The commercials were AWFUL. Truth had 2 of my favorite ads… how sad is that?
- I didn’t know that Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer played for the Panthers (#86, Kris Mangum)
- How pretentious of Pepsi to try to take credit for Hendrix’s career. What’s next, a commercial where Christopher Columbus asks for permission to find a faster passage to India for better access to Pepsi? (Interesting to note that had Hendrix picked the accordion, he would most likely still be alive today… although would anybody know who he is? Makes you think…)
- The Halftime show was also AWFUL. I told my friend Matt that if the stage had blown up, it would’ve eliminated 3 of my top-10 Least-Favorite People Alive (P. Diddy, Kid Rock, Justin Timberlake). And my ass they didn’t plan to have Janet’s boob hanging out.
- As the second half was beginning, Phil Simms made this genius comment: “Don’t forget that historically, lots of stuff happens in the 2nd half.” (approximate quote) I don’t know that I’d say a lot… more like half the stuff happens in the 2nd half. Thanks for that brilliant analysis.
It’ll be a long 7 months until the start of next season.

I saw Monster over the weekend and liked it a lot. Charlize Theron really does give an incredible performance, although I think it had been built up a bit too much. One thing I found odd was that it seems that in South Florida in the 1980s, every car on every street was not actually driving anywhere, but was in fact trolling for hookers. I grew up in South Florida in the 80s and never noticed this phenomenon... and it makes me wonder my dad actually was going out to "go bowling with the guys" on Wednesday nights...
It's also interesting how prostitute movies have evolved over the past 15 years. Monster and Pretty Woman would be much different films if you swapped the lead characters. Monster would make more sense if Christina Ricci's character kept telling Julia Roberts' Vivian how pretty her face was... although having Aileen Wuornos in Pretty Woman would have had a hilarious effect on one scene in particular:
(walks up to snooty saleswoman)
"Hi... remember me? I was in here yesterday and you wouldn't wait on me. "
(pulls out gun)
"Big mistake."
(shoots saleswoman in the stomach)
"Huge!"
(fires several more bullets into saleswoman's chest, the calmly walks away)